What is the thing that drives you to not fear CTB?

[rabbitjack]

I have been suicidal for the past 10 years but due to my religious and cultural background, I have had so much fear over ctb'ing. What will happen to me? What if it gets worse? I hate the pain (due to severe mental health issues) that I have to endure every day. I cannot even believe any person would've stayed thing long from the suffering, psychosis, insomnia, etc.. that I've been through.

But recently I reached the conclusion that it is illogical to continue suffering like this, but the more I stay around, the more I'm like I have invested too much into this life in terms of the pain to just leave.

So just to summarize: it's the fear of what will happen, if it gets worse. And the loss of everything I suffered for for so long.

I'm just posting this for others' insights.

 

[maplebar]

For me, I don't feel fear because I have nothing here that is worth staying for. I have no idea of what'll happen after, but there is only one way to find out.

 

[MimiMiku]

Only the physical pain of CTB for me.If I had the choice to peacefully be euthanised I don't think I would have made it past 12 years old XD The feeling of being put under anesthesia before surgery is so relaxing. My ideal death would be being put under anesthesia and then never waking up again.

EDIT: I'm sorry I misread the question as "What makes you not want to CTB?" hence my above answer XD
I'm an atheist so i don't believe in an afterlife or punishments. I imagine death as sleeping forever which I think sounds quite relaxing. Sleeping is probably the only thing I love and look forward to everyday.
/\___/\
꒰ ˶• ༝ - ˶꒱
./づᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊° `

 

[sanctionedusage]

i just lie to myself and put on a brave face

"itll be just like being asleep," "this (death) happens to everyone eventually," "___ did it; i'll be with them."

as for religious fear, what you believe is what you believe. you'd have to believe whatever punishment for suicide held in your religion is better than continuing life, or suspend your faith by believing the punishment doesn't exist, and by extension, your religion doesn't exist. as a casual atheist i'll just say a quick plea to not be punished for my action and do it. i mostly believe it's nothingness after death and the idea of an afterlife, etc. was created to help people cope with eternal nothingness.

 

[Goyasan]

I tried it once and because it wasn't as traumatizing as it I thought it'd be it basically killed my SI regarding chemicals. I'd still probably pussy out if presented with a gun though.

 

[persepexa]

For me nothing scares me as much as the life that is ahead of me. Every day feels like hell lately. I dread waking up in the morning. I just want it to end.

 

[monetpompo]

how much i hate my mom and how afraid i am of other people's opinions of me. social anxiety is unbearable when you doubt whether anyone in your life wants to be around you. i feel like i'm more anxious about other people not liking me than i am of me dying atp.

 

[rabbitjack]

For me nothing scares me as much as the life that is ahead of me. Every day feels like hell lately. I dread waking up in the morning. I just want it to end.

Many keep postponing. You're still alive today, so you already have postponed. What makes you postpone? (I'm just wondering, not saying you shouldn't)

 

[fr1dgeDelv3r]

the cyclic pattern that forms my life. it's something like: boredom ---> something crappy happens ----> i go into escapism mode ----> spends days completely carefree ----> crash ----> boredom again.
sometime to time i am just sitting down and then i have this sudden lucid vision like i attained the meaning of life, which happens to be that nothing matters. of course everyone knows that nothing matters but sometimes i can feel that.
or i just try to think about the best and worst things that ever happened to me and it's just a vague memory, and i think: what's the point of living anymore than this just for more vague memories?

 

[SufferingDev]

I currently just gather the courage out of problems - but I guess more frustration is needed /shrug

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

Only the physical pain of CTB for me.If I had the choice to peacefully be euthanised I don't think I would have made it past 12 years old XD The feeling of being put under anesthesia before surgery is so relaxing. My ideal death would be being put under anesthesia and then never waking up again.

EDIT: I'm sorry I misread the question as "What makes you not want to CTB?" hence my above answer XD
I'm an atheist so i don't believe in an afterlife or punishments. I imagine death as sleeping forever which I think sounds quite relaxing. Sleeping is probably the only thing I love and look forward to everyday.
/\___/\
꒰ ˶• ༝ - ˶꒱
./づᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊° `

Same

Only the physical pain of CTB for me.If I had the choice to peacefully be euthanised I don't think I would have made it past 12 years old XD The feeling of being put under anesthesia before surgery is so relaxing. My ideal death would be being put under anesthesia and then never waking up again.

EDIT: I'm sorry I misread the question as "What makes you not want to CTB?" hence my above answer XD
I'm an atheist so i don't believe in an afterlife or punishments. I imagine death as sleeping forever which I think sounds quite relaxing. Sleeping is probably the only thing I love and look forward to everyday.
/\___/\
꒰ ˶• ༝ - ˶꒱
./づᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊° `

Have you ever watched the movie Soylent Green? You might be too young to have heard of it.

 

[MimiMiku]

Same

Have you ever watched the movie Soylent Green? You might be too young to have heard of it.

Nope I haven't but I just searched it up and read about the plot :) Issue is I don't do well with gore so I don't think I could sit through it T^T Sounds interesting though if there was a book version I would actually be able to read it as there's no visual gore XD
/\___/\
꒰ ˶• ༝ - ˶꒱
./づᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊° `

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

Nope I haven't but I just searched it up and read about the plot :) Issue is I don't do well with gore so I don't think I could sit through it T^T Sounds interesting though if there was a book version I would actually be able to read it as there's no visual gore XD
/\___/\
꒰ ˶• ༝ - ˶꒱
./づᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊° `

There's no gore. Pretty tame..

 

[persepexa]

Many keep postponing. You're still alive today, so you already have postponed. What makes you postpone? (I'm just wondering, not saying you shouldn't)

It's access for me. It's been super hard to find a source. Now I've found one I'm waiting for my order to arrive. Once it arrives I'll CTB as soon as possible.

As for what I didn't look for a source for a few months, I think I was a bit delusional. I think I thought things would get better but that wasn't based in reality it was based in fantasy. It was based in me wanting life to get better rather than the probability that it actually will get better. Now I see things for what they really are.

 

[FuneralCry]

All I fear is suffering for way longer in this dreadful, torturous and deeply undesirable existence I just always saw as the most terrible mistake, I find it horrific how a human can suffer for decades longer in this existence where there is no limit as to how much one can be tortured just to face the extreme agony and torture of old age.

Existence to me is just so evil as all it does is harm and torture existing beings causing them to suffer so unnecessarily and I find it horrifying how humans cause all this terrible, dreadful suffering by so tragically imposing this existence, to suffer in this existence is just always an abomination to me and for me ceasing to exist is the way to find peace from the terrible evil of existence.

Non-existence solves everything for me as if I don't exist I cannot suffer, there is no suffering in being permanently unconscious, I only continue to be tortured by this existence as I exist in this horrific reality where humans have made into a crime to die painlessly which is such terrible extreme cruelty, it's evil to me how they want to make it so others suffer and feel the torture of existing for as long as possible, I just always suffer so unbearably from being trapped in this torturous existence of futile suffering that just leads to decay and death anyway.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I do fear a great deal- the process of dying and to some extent, what might happen after. But, when it comes to trying to push beyond that fear- it's because I see suicide as (probably/ hopefully) the lessor of the evils. With any luck, my controlled death may be unpleasant but hopefully- for a shorter period than growing old, growing ill and being penniless and alone doing it. Then, dying at the end anyway! Kind of like skipping the boring and frightening chapters in a book to end with the same conclusion anyway.