What is the primary feeling behind your desire to CTB

[affirmatice]

There are some very deep feelings that can put one in this position. I think a common sentiment is hopelessness but beyond that.

Shame, guilt, regret, feeling like a burden, etc.

For me it's primarily shame and regret. I have been unable to move past these deep emotions and doubt I will ever be able to. Although I have never felt like a burden.

 

[Steve Vermont]

Deep, deep dread for the future and the feeling that it is impossible to do anything substantial to change it.

 

[TennTrixie]

For me it's a health problem that is incurable and slowly taking away my independence.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

Life is meaningless. I have three million other reasons too but even if they became obsolete, I cannot live without meaning.

 

[JoysoftheEmptiness]

Emotional pain mostly, I got physical health issues, spondylosis, heart, liver and thyroid disease. Its a struggle. Struggling with losing my best friend, she passed away in September, who I lived with. I miss her so much.

 

[cinnamonstix]

Being trapped in a loop, no matter all the new things I try, getting stuck doing the same day over and over again drives me insane. Knowing I probably have 60 more years of this.

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

I have failed my family, friends and God at just the age of 20. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting things to be different. I won't torture my family with my suicidal ideation, logically speaking it makes more sense for me to die than to live. Emotionally though I will be causing widespread damage spanning continents. Logically though I know I won't ever improve. I accept whatever punishment God gives me, I should have never been born to my wonderful parents and had awesome siblings. I had everything necessary for success and have squandered it due to not feeling enjoyment from anything. I am done with this insanity, I will forever feel regret for the amount of damage I will cause with my inevitable ctb.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Life is meaningless. I have three million other reasons too but even if they became obsolete, I cannot live without meaning.

 

[dembe]

How much is expected of a normal person, and how hard it is for me to do what comes so naturally to people. Get a job, pay bills, be in love, and keep friends, take care of yourself, love yourself, love life. And lie is unfair, life is people taking advantage of you, could kill, say they love you then do the most heinoud thing against you, you lose the things you cherish, there are these social rules you dont even know about, you only feel the consequences when they judge you. But ofc, you must be sane despite it.

And then, internally, there is just some cloud, dark and gloomy and it came one day and it never fully went away. Where even tho yeah ive been through a bit, ppl have gone through x10 of what i have and they give ted talks on how far theyve come. And yet i have the gall to be sad? Why is every emotion so powerful for me and then boom im numb, then im not then i am then im not, just tired of my own mind sometimes.

Natural selection shouldve weeded me out a while ago.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Major depression, hopelessness, old age and illness.

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

Tired of trying, building conditions of old age, feeling of isolation no matter how close I get to people, resentment that I never wanted this.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Life just being too high maintenance, on top of being pointless. Everything is scam and 99% of people on this planet are scammers. Just sick of it all.

 

[Wonhun]

Leaving a mark

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

Life just being too high maintenance, on top of being pointless. Everything is scam and 99% of people on this planet are scammers. Just sick of it all.

We truly are prisoners to society, it is impossible to live without the matrix effecting your life in some way. If it weren't so difficult to survive by yourself and have everything you need a lot less people would have to resort to ctb

 

[ScaredOfMachines]

It's hopelessness for myself and the future for me. Life just gets worse by the day, and I find it hard to optimistic about it at all.

 

[howtho]

Being cyberbullied two years ago, especially since I feel I could've stopped it from happening. I'm worried it will affect my real life, and I've been taking things more personally since then. I was at my happiest point in my life until it happened, and I've been at rock bottom since. I've made myself happy in the last two years, but there will always be that black hole I can't escape. I've always believed when I die, I go back to an earlier point in my life with all the knowledge I currently have. I just want a do-over, but SI, and to an extent, the fact I have work and don't live alone have held me back.

 

[lnlybnny]

Inability to fit in

 

[heavyeyes]

Mental illness, emotional pain, trauma, hopelessness and dread for the future

 

[outrider567]

Grief, Depression, Hopelessness

 

[Forever Sleep]

Exhaustion, profound dissatisfaction, grief, fear of the future, resentment leading to a sense of rebellion.

 

[trashhologram]

Lifelong depression. I've been depressed and anxious as long as I can remember. I have a doctors appointment next month and will try to get help because I'm just so tired of feeling numb or extremely sad almost 24/7.

 

[ElVato]

I truly believe my life is not worth living.

My situation, the world's situation... Everything is so ugly. I often find myself trying to think of an alternative, a "change of perspective" as they say... there is nothing. Weather, war, economics, health, rent... You name it; there is something looming on the horizon.

Day after day goes by in a breeze. Work keeps me sort of distracted during the day, but on weekends, the desire to end it all gets very strong, because I fully see that abyss of nothingness before me. And I don't mean the abyss of doubt, I mean the abyss of there being nothing for me in the short or long term. There is only suffering.

And because of that, I think I will ctb soon.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Life is full of suffering. For as long as I'm alive, I'm in harm's way and will continue to suffer as well as be subjugated to the risk of further, more disastrous suffering in the future. If I die earlier rather than later, I suffer less in existence overall and my exposure to future risk would be lower too. To me, I see myself desiring an earlier death rather than a later death to be logical as then I would suffer for less overall. I have no desire to go through this life which has been imposed upon me

 

[general_malaise]

hopeless that I'll ever be truly free to live safely and comfortably on my own terms due to overwhelming Student Loan debt and an apparent inability to find a job that pays a living wage. I feel if i had an abundance of money I wouldn't be considering ctb.

 

[sy46]

I discovered almost 3 years ago that I suffer from mental illness and this devastated me, I began to behave differently, as if that illness was my entire person, in the end I am truly convinced that I am nothing else. no one helps me or consoles me, neither my mother nor my sister understand me and I have no other close relatives or friends. I tried going to therapy and even took medicines, but this didn't change the situation, and in fact, I felt even more pain.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's because I don't wish to suffer in this cruel and torturous existence, instead I just want some peace, to me human existence just feels like a terrible, horrific mistake, it's something I'd never wish for, I'd always prefer to not exist than to prolong all this unnecessary suffering just to be tortured by old age. No matter what only non-existence could ever be desirable to me, I just want it to be all gone and forgotten about, I'd always rather die than suffer in this existence and to me existing truly does feel like nothing but suffering, I just wish to painlessly cease existing and never suffer again but more than anything I wish I never suffered at all, I wish I could erase my existence.

 

[Lifeless Star]

Being in constant emotional pain, knowing how bad my future is going to be, mental illness, real bad financial problems, and just an inability to handle the stuff life just demands of people in order for you to survive, and addiction. Existence just isn't worth it for me and I'm tired of suffering.

 

[CatLvr]

Mostly chronic pain issues from injuries from my parents thinking their kids were punching bags and an accident that really fucked my spine up.

 

[dqngerous]

worthlessness, loneliness, dealing with mental illness since childhood

 

[Canteventhinktoday]

The constant feeling of worthless, made a mess of the life I was given. Thst people tolerate me rather than like me. That I ruin the lives of those around me.

Only reason I haven't ctb yet is because of my kids. When they are old enough and have their lives I will either be better or ctb