What is something that makes you miserable that you can't talk to people about?

[Nolan96]

Something you struggle with that you know everyone around you would misunderstand, judge you for, or use against you, so you just deal with it alone.
(Besides the obvious one.)

 

[motel rooms]

I was sexually abused as a child. It's an awesome conversation starter.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

I'm a virgin.

 

[tiredplant777]

I was targeted and abused by a perpetrator of satanic ritual abuse. I've tried to talk to people about it, and it just has not worked out. My friends and other people around me have genuinely been really shitty to me about it. I'm careful about trauma dumping and I don't go into details, but even with that my friends always shut me down, they can't handle the subject matter but won't admit it, and they always find ways around it. They seem to forget really important things, they act like they can talk to me about it, but when it comes down to it they do shitty things like go on philosophical monologues about what 'satan' really means, or they give me a hard time for doing things like locking my door when I'm home or take CBD oil to manage my ptsd stress. They also have willingly forgotten things or dismissed things I've told them when it just isn't convenient for them to remember or believe me. My former roommate who confided in me about everything she went through, practically on a daily basis, walked away when I mentioned to her that my abuser was involved in SRA, and she did this comical fake gagging thing, and to be clear I know she didn't go through that kind of abuse herself, in her words "I don't want to know what that is". I get it's a heavy subject matter but like, it would be cool if people had empathy. I'm trying to figure out how to navigate my friendships now. I realize that most of my friends talk to me about their traumas and struggles, but I cannot talk to them about what I deal with because of what I've explained above. I'm thinking I may not really be able to be friends with people if this is how it will be. I've learned to just straight up not talk about it, but it also feels like such a strain, because I would really like to be able to just be open with the people around me. It's exhausting. I've been avoiding people lately. What also hurts is that I was not the only one who was hurt by my abuser, in a big way I was able to use my privilege, and literal divine intervention, and other factors like the fact that my family was not involved at all and I'd never been kidnapped, to get tf away and survive. I feel like if I'd been someone who was not white, if I'd been homeless, a sex worker, or addicted to drugs, I would have been a much easier target and I wouldn't be here right now. It makes me so angry that these friends of mine can't even handle small aspects of my story when I got off easy and others absolutely did not.
I am lucky too though where I can afford to pay people to talk to, like my therapist and some other people I've reached out to. So I'm not totally fucked but I hardly feel like a human being after having so many friends and other people basically shut me down, disbelieve me, just so they don't have to think about something that didn't even happen to them.
Thank you for letting me express this here. I'm tired and I'm angry.

 

[Nolan96]

I was sexually abused as a child. It's an awesome conversation starter

I'm a gay man and from personal experience in the community I think that a lot of gay men would just respond to this by making light of it, A hard thing to talk about definitely. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

 

[tiredplant777]

I was sexually abused as a child. It's an awesome conversation starter.

I was too. I don't talk about it much and the times I did talk about it to friends it was a big mistake. Even opening up to other survivors didn't go well.

 

[Nolan96]

I was targeted and abused by a perpetrator of satanic ritual abuse. I've tried to talk to people about it, and it just has not worked out. My friends and other people around me have genuinely been really shitty to me about it. I'm careful about trauma dumping and I don't go into details, but even with that my friends always shut me down, they can't handle the subject matter but won't admit it, and they always find ways around it. They seem to forget really important things, they act like they can talk to me about it, but when it comes down to it they do shitty things like go on philosophical monologues about what 'satan' really means, or they give me a hard time for doing things like locking my door when I'm home or take CBD oil to manage my ptsd stress. They also have willingly forgotten things or dismissed things I've told them when it just isn't convenient for them to remember or believe me. My former roommate who confided in me about everything she went through, practically on a daily basis, walked away when I mentioned to her that my abuser was involved in SRA, and she did this comical fake gagging thing, and to be clear I know she didn't go through that kind of abuse herself, in her words "I don't want to know what that is". I get it's a heavy subject matter but like, it would be cool if people had empathy. I'm trying to figure out how to navigate my friendships now. I realize that most of my friends talk to me about their traumas and struggles, but I cannot talk to them about what I deal with because of what I've explained above. I'm thinking I may not really be able to be friends with people if this is how it will be. I've learned to just straight up not talk about it, but it also feels like such a strain, because I would really like to be able to just be open with the people around me. It's exhausting. I've been avoiding people lately. What also hurts is that I was not the only one who was hurt by my abuser, in a big way I was able to use my privilege, and literal divine intervention, and other factors like the fact that my family was not involved at all and I'd never been kidnapped, to get tf away and survive. I feel like if I'd been someone who was not white, if I'd been homeless, a sex worker, or addicted to drugs, I would have been a much easier target and I wouldn't be here right now. It makes me so angry that these friends of mine can't even handle small aspects of my story when I got off easy and others absolutely did not.
I am lucky too though where I can afford to pay people to talk to, like my therapist and some other people I've reached out to. So I'm not totally fucked but I hardly feel like a human being after having so many friends and other people basically shut me down, disbelieve me, just so they don't have to think about something that didn't even happen to them.
Thank you for letting me express this here. I'm tired and I'm ang

I was targeted and abused by a perpetrator of satanic ritual abuse. I've tried to talk to people about it, and it just has not worked out. My friends and other people around me have genuinely been really shitty to me about it. I'm careful about trauma dumping and I don't go into details, but even with that my friends always shut me down, they can't handle the subject matter but won't admit it, and they always find ways around it. They seem to forget really important things, they act like they can talk to me about it, but when it comes down to it they do shitty things like go on philosophical monologues about what 'satan' really means, or they give me a hard time for doing things like locking my door when I'm home or take CBD oil to manage my ptsd stress. They also have willingly forgotten things or dismissed things I've told them when it just isn't convenient for them to remember or believe me. My former roommate who confided in me about everything she went through, practically on a daily basis, walked away when I mentioned to her that my abuser was involved in SRA, and she did this comical fake gagging thing, and to be clear I know she didn't go through that kind of abuse herself, in her words "I don't want to know what that is". I get it's a heavy subject matter but like, it would be cool if people had empathy. I'm trying to figure out how to navigate my friendships now. I realize that most of my friends talk to me about their traumas and struggles, but I cannot talk to them about what I deal with because of what I've explained above. I'm thinking I may not really be able to be friends with people if this is how it will be. I've learned to just straight up not talk about it, but it also feels like such a strain, because I would really like to be able to just be open with the people around me. It's exhausting. I've been avoiding people lately. What also hurts is that I was not the only one who was hurt by my abuser, in a big way I was able to use my privilege, and literal divine intervention, and other factors like the fact that my family was not involved at all and I'd never been kidnapped, to get tf away and survive. I feel like if I'd been someone who was not white, if I'd been homeless, a sex worker, or addicted to drugs, I would have been a much easier target and I wouldn't be here right now. It makes me so angry that these friends of mine can't even handle small aspects of my story when I got off easy and others absolutely did not.
I am lucky too though where I can afford to pay people to talk to, like my therapist and some other people I've reached out to. So I'm not totally fucked but I hardly feel like a human being after having so many friends and other people basically shut me down, disbelieve me, just so they don't have to think about something that didn't even happen to them.
Thank you for letting me express this here. I'm tired and I'm angry.

As a genuine victim of SRA it must be hard that in the popular consciousness SRA was just a made-up fantasy of evil conservative Christian sqeuamish moral puritanism that never happened. "Satanic Panic" is talked about as dismissively as "red Scare" or 'lavender scare". Basically our society denies the existence of what you went through as part of its progressive moral narrative. I believe that such things happened though. I'm sorry you were abused.

I'm a virgin.

Me too depending on your definition of the word. I'm 25 too. Only 15 more years until I'm literally a 40 year old virgin.

 

[tiredplant777]

As a genuine victim of SRA it must be hard that in the popular consciousness SRA was just a made-up fantasy of evil conservative Christian sqeuamish moral puritanism that never happened. "Satanic Panic" is talked about as dismissively as "red Scare" or 'lavender scare". Basically our society denies the existence of what you went through as part of its progressive moral narrative. I believe that such things happened though. I'm sorry you were abused.

Me too depending on your definition of the word. I'm 25 too. Only 15 more years until I'm literally a 40 year old virgin.

Thank you so much for saying this, and in such an intelligent way. It is really hard. My local sexual assault support centre was aware of SRA and had worked with survivors before, and they were able to link me up with a therapist who was aware of it. When I moved to get away from my abuser I was also able to find a new therapist through a recommendation from a friend who is aware of SRA and has never questioned me on it. In some ways it seems to be acknowledged more privately and quietly in therapeutic trauma focused circles, and anyone who is working on trauma enough to know about dissociative disorders, especially DID, seems to be well informed or at least aware. I also have a friend in England who worked at a women's crisis centre and she also was made aware of SRA through her work there. I'm lucky that I have found people to talk to, but it is extremely surreal to exist in the world where SRA is considered a conspiracy theory. My abuser was not involved with government officials or high up people, at least to my knowledge, but I know survivors who were abused by people in high up government positions, and I believe them. It was getting better before covid, at least in my opinion. Now the popularity and infamy of things like Q-anon have basically squashed what progress has been made. Even within survivor circles I feel I have lost people to right wing groups because those right wing groups are the ones who say they believe them and believe that SRA is real, however I don't feel much of those right wing groups are coming from a genuine place of care, and I feel a lot of the discussion within those groups about SRA is coming from largely a manipulative place. My hope is that I may be able to communicate to some people in a way where they will take me seriously and believe what I have to say.

I don't know if it helps, but I know quite a few people who are are virgins at your age. I hope if you want it to change that it will though <3

 

[LastFlowers]

"I don't want to know what that is"

Of course, the good ol' "block my ears lalala" technique, what an absolute crock of shit from your so-called friends who use you as a sounding board but can't so much as handle a few details that might upset their world view or their "mood".
Just covering their eyes, ears, and sticking their heads in the sand.
This is half the reason abuse like this is allowed to run rampant, bystanders averting their eyes and even friends and families of the victims wanting to sweep the aftermath under the rug.

Let me guess, are they one of those "I don't want to deal with your negativity" type people?
"Trauma dumping"? Ain't that what friends and loved ones are for?
Jesus, what has the world come to when those who suffer its perils have to suffer in silence as well.
Horrible.
I am very sorry for what you've had to endure.

The only thing worse than the pain itself is never having it acknowledged, if internalizing is the antecedent to recovery and healing then said healing will almost never come to fruition.
With the amount of absolute bullshit people complain and whine about all over social media-with endless likes and sympathetic comments..and you cannot even so much as speak to someone close to you about something so damning?
Madness if you ask me.

 

[WitheringAway]

Being hated at work

 

[Ainsley]

My family situation. I will blatantly express how fucked up it is, but since it does not follow the traditional and more easily understood definition of abuse, people just don't get it. You'd have to be on the inside of those closed doors to get it. I've given up talking about it with anyone. I simply ruminate in it and try to keep treading to keep my head above it all until I can get the fuck outta here..

 

[Murasa]

Have a disorder, where I come from resorting to therapy or going to psychologists was seen as being crazy, that didn't help either.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

My sister's father and my mother's current boyfriend sexually abused me as a teen. When I finally decided to tell my mother about it, she basically told me she knows and doesn't care because it's not a big deal, could've been worse, and also because she doesn't see me as a threat to their relationship because I "know better than to mess with her". We're perfectly civil and I never brought this topic up with her or anyone else ever again, but I find it hard to explain why I am not at all close with my family and never want to visit.

 

[FuneralCry]

I cannot stand talking about the future, things can only get worse for me and it is so depressing to think about. I just want non existence.

 

[Foresight]

I have a strong addiction to maladaptive daydreaming.

 

[tiredplant777]

Of course, the good ol' "block my ears lalala" technique, what an absolute crock of shit from your so-called friends who use you as a sounding board but can't so much as handle a few details that might upset their world view or their "mood".
Just covering their eyes, ears, and sticking their heads in the sand.
This is half the reason abuse like this is allowed to run rampant, bystanders averting their eyes and even friends and families of the victims wanting to sweep the aftermath under the rug.

Let me guess, are they one of those "I don't want to deal with your negativity" type people?
"Trauma dumping"? Ain't that what friends and loved ones are for?
Jesus, what has the world come to when those who suffer its perils have to suffer in silence as well.
Horrible.
I am very sorry for what you've had to endure.

The only thing worse than the pain itself is never having it acknowledged, if internalizing is the antecedent to recovery and healing then said healing will almost never come to fruition.
With the amount of absolute bullshit people complain and whine about all over social media-with endless likes and sympathetic comments..and you cannot even so much as speak to someone close to you about something so damning?
Madness if you ask me.

Thank you so much for saying all of this. Not all of these people are outwardly honest about not wanting to deal with negativity, if they were at least there'd be that red flag there, but a lot of them describe themselves as empaths lol, and I think your general sense of them is pretty correct. And I totally agree in terms of half the reason abuse is allowed to run rampant is due to people adverting their eyes and wanting to sweep it all under the rug, I have huge issues with this because being treated like this by so many people who can't handle my experience kind of gives my some Stockholm syndrome with my abuser, I know he was severely abused as a child, and I don't think anyone on the outside stepped in to help, I think they averted their eyes. I could be wrong in that, but of course, no one removed him from his abuse, I know that for sure.
Thank you. It really is madness. What bothers me so much too is I give small amounts of detail, and I do use the term Satanic Ritual Abuse, but I know none of my friends or others besides professionals I pay, have ever even googled the term or done even a small amount of research. I recently had a mild mushroom trip and I saw that my inability to be heard or seen around by those around me is the primary factor to my depression and my inability to feel love and hope. A human being can't go through severe abuse and then have people dismiss them constantly without their system shutting down to protect them.
It really means a lot that you care about this, and it's so helpful to see someone care, so thank you.

 

[LastFlowers]

but a lot of them describe themselves as empaths lol

There's your red flag right there lol

A human being can't go through severe abuse and then have people dismiss them constantly without their system shutting down to protect them.

Exactly, which is why I'm so sorry you have to put up with that secondary layer of distress and restriction from necessary compassion and openness from others to hear you.

It really means a lot that you care about this, and it's so helpful to see someone care, so thank you.

No problem, I have not experienced SRA, though I have actually come across a film or two documenting it (where even some of those victims are not believed or admonished) as well as some written articles and experiences, so I'm not entirely unfamiliar.
And with my own predicament, I do at least understand being forced to suffer in silence, it's infuriating and exhausting.
Your friends should learn how to put themselves in someone else's shoes even if the magnitude or nature of their woes are different, I'm sure if everyone started brushing their own emotional lamentations off, they would be livid.
(I also related to what you said about people conveniently "forgetting" what you've told them. The amount of times I've had to repeat myself..and still on deaf ears, it can drive even the sanest person insane!)

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

The increasing acceptance of hyper political correctness. I don't think it's actually as bad as some people might say and I do believe it can have good intentions but as someone who lives right in the Silicon Valley, I know that it's rarely actually used to help the disenfranchised, more often than not it just comes out as performative ego stroking and resembles hyper religious zealots trying to enforce their morality onto others.

Of course I can rarely say that anywhere since even on SS there are people who might see me as yet another Republican troll just for believing this (I don't believe most republicans would accept me either since I don't care for guns at all, I believe in pro choice for abortion, and I'm a minority).

Sometimes just seeing someone I've been a fan of get canceled for seemingly trivial reasons or without concrete evidence is enough to send me down a dark pit and double down on my hardened beliefs which just makes me want to die more because there's no one I can really talk to about feeling this way since in California I'd be just as likely to be committed as if I were to loudly declare that I plan to kill myself with SN.

It's increasingly getting frustrating when I realize that my mind is becoming more boomer-like and this increased amount of wokeness probably isn't even going to actually help any of the groups it wants to help overall because all it becomes is pointing fingers at supposed bad things and creating more division. I'm fine with progressing but I just think it won't lead to any positive progress for me the way it's headed so I'd rather just opt out of it sooner before that can happen.

 

[Nolan96]

The increasing acceptance of hyper political correctness. I don't think it's actually as bad as some people might say and I do believe it can have good intentions but as someone who lives right in the Silicon Valley, I know that it's rarely actually used to help the disenfranchised, more often than not it just comes out as performative ego stroking and resembles hyper religious zealots trying to enforce their morality onto others.

Of course I can rarely say that anywhere since even on SS there are people who might see me as yet another Republican troll just for believing this (I don't believe most republicans would accept me either since I don't care for guns at all, I believe in pro choice for abortion, and I'm a minority).

Sometimes just seeing someone I've been a fan of get canceled for seemingly trivial reasons or without concrete evidence is enough to send me down a dark pit and double down on my hardened beliefs which just makes me want to die more because there's no one I can really talk to about feeling this way since in California I'd be just as likely to be committed as if I were to loudly declare that I plan to kill myself with SN.

It's increasingly getting frustrating when I realize that my mind is becoming more boomer-like and this increased amount of wokeness probably isn't even going to actually help any of the groups it wants to help overall because all it becomes is pointing fingers at supposed bad things and creating more division. I'm fine with progressing but I just think it won't lead to any positive progress for me the way it's headed so I'd rather just opt out of it sooner before that can happen.

Thank you so much for saying this. It was actually one of several things I had in mind personally when I made the thread. I also live in a very woke area and it's extremely discouraging and stifling to deal with.

Also some people are very adamant about the abortion issue because in their faith it constitutes murder, but you being a minority or pro-gun control is not going to make the vast majority of Republicans have any ill-will toward you. In my personal experience, Republicans tend to be more open-minded and compassionate than woke leftists.

 

[Angi]

I was sexually abused as a child. It's an awesome conversation starter.

Thank you for the way you posted this, great sense of humor!

I was raped. Before that I was used, for as long as I can remember. Yet to meet anyone who can stand the conversation starting from here.

Maybe we can sit together, the people with a lack of sex and the people with lack of consent to their sex, and redistribute the broken pieces so that everybody gets a past they can live with? I guess we need an extra group of people with surplus consent. Co-dependents maybe?

 

[LastFlowers]

I know that it's rarely actually used to help the disenfranchised, more often than not it just comes out as performative ego stroking

Absolutely, I see this all the time.
It's mostly just a bunch of virtue-signaling, posturing, and attention seeking by those who don't even suffer beneath the detriments they pretend to care about, and then they put their hypocrisy on full display when shouting about one issue while actively contributing to-and attempting to justify-eerily similar ones.
These are the people who won't even touch the genuinely hard-hitting and insidious status quos (which they may be benefiting from in some regard).

While being anti-PC can rear its ugly head in terms of excusing bullying, cattiness, and 'blunt for the sake of being blunt' cruelty/prejudice, pro-PC can have its own problems when it's used to shut down absolutely necessary conversations just because the subject matter is too seemingly inflammatory, when in actuality digging deeper could whittle away into some truths which simply must be acknowledged and tackled.

 

[- crybaby -]

My past ..what I've ranaway from .
Most people I've talked to about this ,have a hint or an idea of what was going on ..
I never dared to say the whole story , I know I would be judged and I wish I could say I don't care but .. yeah .
I have nightmares in which people in my life now find out and turn all against me ..
I feel like I would have to runaway again if it ever comes out .
I'm a terrible person .

 

[demuic]

I can't even talk about even here. It's something I've just recently come to realize and been forced to confront has contributed to the complete destruction of every aspect of my life.

 

[WonderingSoul]

My CPTSD and how it ruins my life

 

[Pluto]

My family situation. I will blatantly express how fucked up it is, but since it does not follow the traditional and more easily understood definition of abuse, people just don't get it. You'd have to be on the inside of those closed doors to get it. I've given up talking about it with anyone. I simply ruminate in it and try to keep treading to keep my head above it all until I can get the fuck outta here..

I strongly relate to this.

My best friend went through molestation, civil war, natural disasters and abandonment, all in early childhood. I grew up in a humble Christian nuclear family with parents who were respected in their careers. There was zero violence and no physical sexual abuse. And yet I ended up 10 times more fucked up than my friend and I quickly run out of words trying to explain it. The whole family mastered the art of emotional abuse that leaves no evidence that abuse actually happened. It makes it impossible to communicate in ways that actually bring a sympathetic response in proportion to the severity of the torment.

The very fact that I can't explain the severity of what happened in order to get support is itself a part of the abuse. Even worse is when I question myself. Maybe they are right and I'm just a troublemaker for daring to question them. What a mindfuck. (Of course, all this is a normal part of emotional abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, and extreme dysfunctional families.)

I'm a virgin.

You are not alone there. But I would rather live in a world where brutalisers are shamed, not virgins.

 

[whatevs]

The very fact that I can't explain the severity of what happened in order to get support is itself a part of the abuse. Even worse is when I question myself. Maybe they are right and I'm just a troublemaker for daring to question them. What a mindfuck. (Of course, all this is a normal part of emotional abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, and extreme dysfunctional families.)

Shit, even I reading your description feel like it's not settled whether you were too sensitive or they are masterful at gaslighting.

 

[Pluto]

Shit, even I reading your description feel like it's not settled whether you were too sensitive or they are masterful at gaslighting.

Yes. Intellectually, I have studied a lot of the psychology and know roughly what happened. But the fact that it's almost impossible to get support makes it very hard to ever move on. Luckily my maternal grandmother, now deceased, gave me all this inside dirt on my father and helped me to understand a lot of his pathological behaviour.

 

[whatevs]

Yes. Intellectually, I have studied a lot of the psychology and know roughly what happened. But the fact that it's almost impossible to get support makes it very hard to ever move on. Luckily my maternal grandmother, now deceased, gave me all this inside dirt on my father and helped me to understand a lot of his pathological behaviour.

You think they were/are narcissists? Or what is the psychology at play?

 

[Pluto]

You think they were/are narcissists? Or what is the psychology at play?

Father and eldest sister are 100% typical narcissistic personality disorder. Other sister and mother are enablers. What sucks is that the wider community have fallen for the superficial charm so I've been mostly isolated my whole adult life.

In certain cult-like religions like Jehovah's Witness, anyone who fails to obey the rules goes through 'disfellowshipping', meaning they are instantaneously cut off from contact from all of their family and friends within the community. It is one of the most devastating punishments imaginable for the victim, yet perfectly legal. It's sort of an analogy for what happens to children with NPD parents. NPDs know how to manufacture false narratives and charm the wider community, making them impossible to fight.