What is one thing you plan to do or always wanted to do before you CTB?

[lupin333]

I've been thinking a lot about this and lets say you set your date and 100% follow through. The time leading up to this it almost feels like a weird state similar to when your in a dream. You know your dreaming and are going to wake up. Why not have some fun, enjoy your last few days/weeks, and finally do some things out of your comfort zone you always wanted to do and enjoy?

A "last vacation" or something out of comfort zone could possibly make this life feel worth it or at a very minimum you had a pleasant/tolerable last few days.

What are some things that you plan to do or would do before you CTB? I know some of these things for us we might not be able to do with health, money, time, and other issues that have brought us here.

For me before the psych drugs, immense stress, and before my life really unraveled. I always thought before I take my life at a minimum I will try ayahuasca in Latin America. Now it feels like my life and time are closing in, I'm not sure if I can do this.

 

[CoolGuy9]

Eat some good food and hug my cats. Kinda wish I had something cooler to do, but if I was that close to ctb, then I guess it wasn't meant to be a happy time anyway.

 

[ShadowOfTheDay]

I've been thinking a lot about this and lets say you set your date and 100% follow through. The time leading up to this it almost feels like a weird state similar to when your in a dream. You know your dreaming and are going to wake up. Why not have some fun, enjoy your last few days/weeks, and finally do some things out of your comfort zone you always wanted to do and enjoy?

A "last vacation" or something out of comfort zone could possibly make this life feel worth it or at a very minimum you had a pleasant/tolerable last few days.

What are some things that you plan to do or would do before you CTB? I know some of these things for us we might not be able to do with health, money, time, and other issues that have brought us here.

For me before the psych drugs, immense stress, and before my life really unraveled. I always thought before I take my life at a minimum I will try ayahuasca in Latin America. Now it feels like my life and time are closing in, I'm not sure if I can do this.

I've always dreamed of spending countless hours on the internet searching for a relatively painless way to end myself, and publicly express how pathetically, and irrevocably I have fucked up my life. Looks like I've accomplished most of my goals.

 

[GeorgeJL]

I've been thinking a lot about this and lets say you set your date and 100% follow through. The time leading up to this it almost feels like a weird state similar to when your in a dream. You know your dreaming and are going to wake up. Why not have some fun, enjoy your last few days/weeks, and finally do some things out of your comfort zone you always wanted to do and enjoy?

A "last vacation" or something out of comfort zone could possibly make this life feel worth it or at a very minimum you had a pleasant/tolerable last few days.

What are some things that you plan to do or would do before you CTB? I know some of these things for us we might not be able to do with health, money, time, and other issues that have brought us here.

For me before the psych drugs, immense stress, and before my life really unraveled. I always thought before I take my life at a minimum I will try ayahuasca in Latin America. Now it feels like my life and time are closing in, I'm not sure if I can do this.

Ayahuasca would be a good goal. But if you have depression ayahusca might be a bad choice. Instead get pure powder psychedelic like 4-aco-dmt. Known as synthetic shrooms. You can get it from Dream Marketplace.
Other than that I have been creating a end of life spotify playlist.

 

[Nitromask]

I would love to travel to my home country and eat all my favourite foods from back home before I ctb, but that's probably not gonna happen

 

[mxe is the best]

relax and cry. i have a dream-like state feeling too. it feels like a massive relief. feels like i am in the moment and nothing else matters. listen to lil peep on repeat makes me feel good.

the annoying thing for me is i want to clean my room, get rid of all my possessions so my family doesn't have to. but thtt is the hardest part. getting rid of everything. I just want to go.

 

[tiggles2000]

the annoying thing for me is i want to clean my room, get rid of all my possessions so my family doesn't have to. but thtt is the hardest part. getting rid of everything. I just want to go.

I'm the same with my unit, since buying SN, I have started cleaning everything. I don't know why.

There's really nothing I want to do before CTB, at least nothing I can afford

 

[Memento Mori]

wanted to live

 

[EmotionlessWanderer]

I want to be an author and write Sci Fi/Fantasy stories but I'm not sure I actually have what it takes.

I keep coming up with different plots about the same premise but everytime I try to write it out I end up scraping it and starting anew. I have it well thought out in my mind and when I try to put in on the page....nothing.

 

[Untitled]

I thought about writing a will and leaving my money to a few people whom I've hurt a long time ago and think that they deserve compensation from me.

I have also thought about sending details to the authorities of people who have caused me serious harm (and documents proving it).

 

[Kyrok]

I had my suicide all planned out in 2017. I bought first-class tickets to visit my parents to say goodbye, will prepared, an account set up for my wife, etc.. Then a day before I left, my dog got terribly sick. The vet wanted to put her down, but I believed the diagnosis was incorrect and so cancelled my trip to save her. I was right.

Now, two years later, I feel like I'm waiting for her to die so I can ctb. I bought the car I've wanted for 15yrs to have some fun in the mean time. Not turning out that way. If I had the balls, though, I'd quit my job and move to a mountain town. If I only had ease and simplicity, I could continue on.

 

[dysfunctional]

I always thought I would do something amazing if my life came to this. Ski some amazing mountains, backpack somewhere really interesting, try crazy drugs. What I didn't realize was when I would get here, I would lose the ability to experience pleasure. I really just want to make my final preps and be done with it. Boring- yes.

 

[Kazilium]

Would've liked to stay alive actually. (If last month events wouldn't have happened) I'll tell you what I'll regret not doing: not getting a tattoo. Not seeing The 1975 live. Not getting married or seeing my guy again. I also wanted to travel lots and maybe start college one day. Simple things.

 

[Mr. Hang Man]

Getting back at the people who wronged me, the very people who made me feel what I do today. Once you have a set date to ctb, you truly have nothing to lose. I am sure there are people who feel the same way about some kind of revenge plan before they ctb right?

 

[lupin333]

I always thought I would do something amazing if my life came to this. Ski some amazing mountains, backpack somewhere really interesting, try crazy drugs. What I didn't realize was when I would get here, I would lose the ability to experience pleasure. I really just want to make my final preps and be done with it. Boring- yes.

I feel this way too. I would really like to keep traveling and see new places. I thought/think having one more amazing vacation somewhere would be great, like in hindsight if I was gone I would be thinking "damn I wish I would of done this"...

The experience pleasure thing I totally get. I'm so numbed out from prescription meds/stimulation nothing really excites me much anymore. Last year should of been the best year of my life. I felt terrible and just ruined my life and future with no possible comeback.

Getting back at the people who wronged me, the very people who made me feel what I do today. Once you have a set date to ctb, you truly have nothing to lose. I am sure there are people who feel the same way about some kind of revenge plan before they ctb right?

I've been really wronged by some people, emotionally and financially after my father died. I would definitely like to start getting some revenge, but like most things Im too lazy and passive to begin.

I thought about writing a will and leaving my money to a few people whom I've hurt a long time ago and think that they deserve compensation from me.

I have also thought about sending details to the authorities of people who have caused me serious harm (and documents proving it).

If your able to get the will done/notarized it brings good peace. I def recommend it. It sucks paying attorney fees and knowing the state your in will profit off your death, but it feels good to have this done.

 

[dandan]

I wish I was a comedian, or have the sense of humor I once had, or to know and learn to do comedy , and make a career from it, having good thougths instead of nasty suicidal hateful thoughts

always thought before I take my life at a minimum I will try ayahuasca in Latin America.....

I supposedly have an Ayahuasca retreat this weekend, I already paid the entrance fee....

however Im also supposed to travel to a town and obtain a 2nd bottle of N...

I'm deciding which should I do... if I go for N, I probably wont drink it right away... so I dont know...

 

[Nitromask]

I wish I was a comedian, or have the sense of humor I once had, or to know and learn to do comedy , and make a career from it, having good thougths instead of nasty suicidal hateful thoughts


I supposedly have an Ayahuasca retreat this weekend, I already paid the entrance fee....

however Im also supposed to travel to a town and obtain a 2nd bottle of N...

I'm deciding which should I do... if I go for N, I probably wont drink it right away... so I dont know...

I would secure the second bottle of N if I were you. Like you said, you don't have to drink it straight away, but it'll be nice to have it. Then you have all the time in the world to go to a retreat!

 

[xXSarac3nSlay3rXx]

I've been thinking a lot about this and lets say you set your date and 100% follow through. The time leading up to this it almost feels like a weird state similar to when your in a dream. You know your dreaming and are going to wake up. Why not have some fun, enjoy your last few days/weeks, and finally do some things out of your comfort zone you always wanted to do and enjoy?

A "last vacation" or something out of comfort zone could possibly make this life feel worth it or at a very minimum you had a pleasant/tolerable last few days.

What are some things that you plan to do or would do before you CTB? I know some of these things for us we might not be able to do with health, money, time, and other issues that have brought us here.

For me before the psych drugs, immense stress, and before my life really unraveled. I always thought before I take my life at a minimum I will try ayahuasca in Latin America. Now it feels like my life and time are closing in, I'm not sure if I can do this.

I'll second the ayahuasca. To be honest, I'd like to try most drugs within reason. Things like meth, coke, and heroin are still definite no's for me.

 

[time2go]

Never been a dream of mine but I've had an idea if I can actually find the motivation.

Get suited and booted. Book a swanky hotel. Get drunk do some drugs, maybe a hooker or two. Blow some money in the casino, or win some. I'm actually a very good/lucky blackjack player. Go too a expensive bar where the shallow hot girls hang out and flash some cash, maybe get laid. Hit the strippers (Not literally) pretend I'm a baller. That kind of shit.

A seedy, unethical final night of complete debauchery, will probably never happen though!

 

[Redt2go]

Not much else thankfully... I've been lucky to have done a lot of cool shit

 

[Roberto]

I've been all myself without initiative. I just tried some Marihuana, MDMA, Ayahuasca, but nothing out of this world. I went 2 times to a brothel, but at last couldn't make it. Tried alcohol, visited some countries (Mexico, Colombia, GB, Tunisia, Germany). I made love to a woman, 3 women. I've been married. I had a car. I still have to pay my mortgage until 80 years old. I'm sorry the bank can take my flat.

It is not a great life, but I had enough.

I just don't want anything else from this life. May be I would like to try LSD or Mushrooms, but I don't really care. Being alone is a bit dangerous. I could die from falling from a 4th XD. No ... that wouldn't be a problem. Just if paralytic or something like that, or a lot of more pain with bones broken.

 

[dandan]

I would secure the second bottle of N if I were you. ....

The guy from the Vet Shop already contacted me via Whatsapp, the bottle wont arrive until the 23rd, so I can go to the retreat... unless I go some place else looking for N.... yup maybe the retreat :)

 

[Jodes]

Getting back at the people who wronged me, the very people who made me feel what I do today. Once you have a set date to ctb, you truly have nothing to lose. I am sure there are people who feel the same way about some kind of revenge plan before they ctb right?

Guantanamo bay sounds great this time of year. I hear they're popping up in a country near you!

 

[Sha70]

Know what's it's like to feel love.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

If I knew for sure I was going to do it, I'd want to spend some time cussing some people out before I did it.

People have ruined it for me. Ruined life. Who knows what it could have been if I could have lived off the land. Too late now. I'm too old and dependent on society. I work, but I hate it. Living on your own without society would be better if you're younger. Too late for me. Time to die as I lived, in hell.

 

[letmeseethedeath]

i'd visit Maya and Egypt. but what i'll do is crying of joy because finally my shitty and useless life is ending

 

[seekingoblivion]

Honestly at that point I don't think I'd care about doing anything. I'd just want to be done with it.

 

[DrownedOctopus]

Honestly at that point I don't think I'd care about doing anything. I'd just want to be done with it.

I agree with this.
I kind of feel like what's the point really?
I think the only reason I'd do anything is to give my daughter happy memories of doing something fun with me before I ctb, but if it has to be something I want to do I'd just say screw it let me ctb already.
I never really saw the point in last meals or bucket lists. When you're gone, none of that matters anymore. It really doesn't even matter in life.
But maybe that's just the pessimist in me lol

 

[seekingoblivion]

I agree with this.
I kind of feel like what's the point really?
I think the only reason I'd do anything is to give my daughter happy memories of doing something fun with me before I ctb, but if it has to be something I want to do I'd just say screw it let me ctb already.
I never really saw the point in last meals or bucket lists. When you're gone, none of that matters anymore. It really doesn't even matter in life.
But maybe that's just the pessimist in me lol

That's exactly my issue with this. Nothing matters. Especially at that point. It's probably my greatest reason for wanting to ctb. I'm not sure I can even attribute it to the pessimist in me (though the bugger has been a prominent voice throughout my life ) cause it seems all so true no matter which angle I look at it.

I sincerely do hope that you never reach that point though. For your daughter's sake I really hope there can be a lot more for both you and your husband than the pain you feel of not wanting to be alive.

 

[I am ___________]

Spend the rest of my savings and make sure I have the supplies to go. Then leave and disappear without a trace, vanish into nothingness. To never be found and to not be alive. There is nothing else to be done, anything else is futile and pointless.

Honestly at that point I don't think I'd care about doing anything. I'd just want to be done with it.

Same.