For me its the fanfic, manga and warframe. Also porn. Even so felt like I will lose it one of these days.
therhydler
Enlightened
- Dec 7, 2018
- 1,196
Having a plan, knowing I will be able to carry out all the steps and that it won't be too painful (hopefully) in the end. Before I had no plan and thought I would be bed-bound and that ctb would be impossible and that made me crazy. Now I know I have a choice
Brokenanddeadinside
Arcanist
- Aug 8, 2018
- 403
Knowing that I found a job and will be making money soon and my hobbies.
Angst Filled Fuck Up
Visionary
- Sep 9, 2018
- 2,982
That ship has sailed I'm afraid. I'm so foggy I can't keep track of anything. I'm just spiraling in this spaced out dissociative hell. I feel like any day now I'll just be drooling and staring at the wall 24/7. It's been like this for years now. The sensation is almost like a permanent head rush, or feeling really drunk and spinny. One of my main reasons for wanting to ctb.
Video games, music, Netflix and fantasizing about my CTB.
Knowing we can is empowering also comforting. Its like a log out button for life. Yes lets hope it will be fast and with little discomfort. But still I cant help but keep imagining what I will do on my last moment.
LifeSick
Eat the rich or die!
- Sep 20, 2018
- 167
I wish I knew, to be fair I'm probably not completely sane.
Trapped in between is just maddening.
Sasha
Member
- Jun 13, 2018
- 95
Xaphous
hikikomori
- Nov 11, 2018
- 550
My youtube addiction. I think my sanity has been hanging on the edge for years now, isolating just rots you from inside out.
Whatshername
That Ghost Lady on the Hill
- Dec 14, 2018
- 1,352
Hanging on this site and making plans to CTB. Pathetic. For the past ten years, even when I was really down I used to find comfort in some things. Reading, music, being with my amazingly patient partner (now dead), movies. I can't find joy in anything anymore. The fibro fog would't let me concentrate long enough anyway.
EndofMyRope
Student
- Oct 17, 2018
- 174
Whatshername
That Ghost Lady on the Hill
- Dec 14, 2018
- 1,352
You definitely have a point there.
Lil_Intro_Vert
she/they
- Oct 15, 2018
- 195
Music and video games, only things that keep my stress down
Severen
Enlightened
- Jun 30, 2018
- 1,819
Fucking loving it
Specialist
- Sep 3, 2018
- 378
Definitely not ssne.... but my son distracts me and makes me feel a sense of comfort and happiness
Zaynaldeen
blackpilled subhuman manlet
- Oct 18, 2018
- 108
Video games, that's pretty much it.
ReadyasEver
Elementalist
- Dec 6, 2018
- 828
I have kept pretty level headed through it all. I saw we had a thread by Smilla about fakes. I've seen a lot of people like myself, in very tough states mentally and physically. I'm sure there are a few that are not totally genuine. Sanity is a very relevant term. Some people would absolutely consider me insane for making the decision to CTB instead of wither away to cancer over time. Many would say that is a rational and logical choice based on the situation. One thing I have found on this site which has been the biggest calming effect in months for me, do not judge. We are not here to evaluate and pass judgement on people. Sanity is defined by the cultural norms you live within. It's time to stop labeling people and just listen.
Yes well said. Sanity are but a word. A judgement passed onto us from other based on our words and actions. Yet sanity are also referring to the actions that's socially acceptable. We are insane. Yet we still managed to retain that social facade. In truth the society is the mad one. Forcing us all to act and talk the same. Who is the real crazy here I wonder. People who seeks to escape such prison. Or one who resign themselves to this fate?
Yeah but it all got boring so quickly. What you play mostly?/
True just for few months I already feeling myself slipping.
Severen
Enlightened
- Jun 30, 2018
- 1,819
What hellhole do you live in where you can't get medication?
Severen
Enlightened
- Jun 30, 2018
- 1,819
Fake people can ruin communities by making them too toxic to tolerate for the rest of us. Now, it's impossible to tell if someone really wants to CTB or not. So I don't see fake people as a problem here in this community. Because there are no requirements to be suicidal. No way you can tell from a post that people are being fake about CTBing unless they admit they are full of shit or trying to convince people that CTBing is bad. Therefore fake people here can not affect this community in a negative way. But in communities for people suffering from depression for example, depressed people don't want to see post after post of, "My mom didn't buy me an iPhone, I'm so depressed." or "I didn't get good grades in school, I'm so depressed." or "This hot girl I have a crush on, doesn't like me, I'm so depressed." I had to leave a community for those dealing with depression because of this. A) it makes depression look like a fucking joke which hurts people who are actually depressed by making people not take us seriously and B) it's just disrespectful towards people actually suffering from depression. It would be like, someone saying he is a war veteran with PTSD because he played too much Call Of Duty and gets Call Of Duty flashbacks, time to time to a Vietnam War combat veteran. So certain communities definitely need a vetting process. Attention whores and drama queens do exist. Every time they are disappointed or sad or hurt, it's depression! Give me a break. It's like, I have a headache so I have a brain tumor! So Smilla's thread came from a good place, I think.
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azucaramargo
Enlightened
- Sep 16, 2018
- 1,010
Knowing that I have almost everything I need to successfully ctb and knowing I will be dead within 3 weeks. The antiemetics are now in this country and should arrive before January.
azucaramargo
Enlightened
- Sep 16, 2018
- 1,010
Oh boy. This makes me sad, Comatose11.
Not much actually
Lra888
Enlightened
- Sep 30, 2018
- 1,140
Drinking, benzos, & listening to music that gets my mind off of reality. Also this site is nice.
iHeartRockArt
Wizard
- Sep 21, 2018
- 608
I am so sorry you struggle with and have been through so much pain. I have a rare disease that mocks fibro in a lot of ways but I also have lipomas that press on nerves and the pain is excruciating at times. I have the brain fog and I hate it so bad. It's so embarrassing sometimes. You're not alone and I can completely understand. You shouldn't have to go through so much and deserve nothing but peace and happiness.
