What if im never able to do it

[kk13]

I didn't try to attempt for about a month. Even then the thought hasn't left my mind. Sometimes i think what if i actually try and look at this shit in a positive way what if i actually find happiness. But ive been trying to do that for so long. Idk why i keep forgetting it.
I didnt think i would make it past my birthday but now i dont care about birthdays. Ive stopped caring about a lot of stuff and idk if thats good or bad. If i decide to live im gonna have to deal with so much shit.
I always thought i was gonna die young and now im scared of attempting cause i don't wanna get my hopes up again. What if i spend so much time attempting and end up failing and have to live knowing i wasted so much time attempting

 

[Aflame5926]

then you have to live life. and its probally better to try improving your life.
if you never able to do it might as well make the best of it even if you are down or negative.

easier said then done ofcs