Venting What happened to me

[rabbit_feet]

I just want to know what in the world it is that I did to end up so fucked up and broken. I used to be happy. I was creative and everyone around me cherished me and made me feel like I was worth something. I can't understand why it's all gone. I'm going to college to be an artist but I hardly think it's going to amount to anything. I have no original ideas and I have no motivation or desire to do anything ever anymore. I want to create. I want so badly to enjoy it. But I just don't. Why?? Where'd it all go?? What happened to me??
I hardly even think CTB is even an option for me. I'm such a stupid clutz that I doubt I could ever achieve it without getting caught. Plus I'd feel so guilty leaving behind certain loved ones. I know that for at least one person, I am the person holding them up and keeping them here. How could I possibly leave them behind? They deserve happiness. They're such a beautiful and smart person, they don't deserve to suffer. Me? I'm just a sorry excuse for an individual. I can hardly take care of myself. There is nothing about me that I would consider special.

 

[bipolar22]

Sounds like depression. Might be worth trying therapy and or antidepressants. Helped some people. some people had bad experiences with it. But might be worth a try. As you said you don't really wanna ctb.

 

[pauly369]

Sounds like Anhedonia.
Its a classic symptom of depression.
I have it too.
Feels like you are dead inside.