What gives you the confidence to go on a bus trip CTB?

[Wunderkind]

Hi everyone
My question is in title
Thank you so much.

 

[Lost Magic]

My world here has shattered. My foundational support group are gone. My finances are in question. My environment is unhealthy. While my survival instinct is still an issue my resolve for catching the bus is not in question. It is just a matter of time and preparation now. One-way ticket please driver. It's time to get those wheels in motion.

 

[SamTam33]

Knowing that its had every chance to get better and it hasn't. Life has only gotten worse as I got older.

I was so ready to CTB last night. My fingers were itching, but I'm going to wait and see what the verdict is from my most recent job interview.

What if they want to hire me? They have like 50 restaurants in the lobby and a dark room with futons and pillows to take naps.

 

[Dot]

Nothng yt

Whch = Y hve s/ mny abortd attmpts

 

[stilhavinightmares]

Desperation

 

[Forever Sleep]

I guess, if I ever have the guts to go through with it and have doubts- I'll try and reassure myself with the following:

Wait! Will your life get better? Answer: Just look at what you've just come through... Ok- it wasn't ALL bad but can you really be bothered with more of the same? No.

Ok- How about you try and make it better? Nah- CTB seems more appealing. I have 42+ years of experience knowing what I'm comfortable with changing and judging on the 'reward' I've received back when I have made the effort to change- it hasn't been worth it.

Wait! Won't people be upset if you do this? By this point- the last remaining person who would have been deeply affected by this will have gone (my Dad.) I'll likely be deep in grief over him- as I don't want to hang around after he goes. Most other people in my life are so distant- hopefully it will hurt them less and it likely won't come as a surprise- as many knew I was suicidal from the age of 10. I'll write notes to try and alleviate any guilt and hope they understand.

What if this doesn't work? Yes, I'm very scared. I will try and follow the protocol as closely as I can and maybe have a backup method set up if it fails. I'm trying to reasure myself that I didn't ring for an ambulance when I had multiple gallstone attacks (despite not knowing what it was and being in a lot of pain- hoping it was a heart attack and I would die...) Hopefully I can wait this one out too without calling for help and hopefully it will work.

Hopefully it won't be too noisy either and if it is- perhaps my neighbours will just think it's food poisoning or something.

What if you go to hell or purgatory or something? Hopefully all that stuff doesn't exist... Try and think happy thoughts so you don't have a nightmare that you've gone to hell before you actually die.

Still- chances are- you've already upset God enough to not get in to heaven anyway- regardless of how you die... In which case, I hope Tim Curry is the devil... Any other 'Legend' fans? (1985 film.)

What if your corpse looks disgusting and traumatises everyone: You won't be alive to feel embarrassed and you're going to leave a note on the door warning the police what to expect. Hopefully they are trained for stuff like this.

I also don't want it to upset the neighbours- some of which are children. Hopefully, if I let the authorities know, they will try and be discreet.

 

[outrider567]

Unhappiness Defeat Desperation

 

[onceuponadec]

Fact that I'm staring potentially at living and getting only worse in my disease. I don't want to live my life disabled. Also I might be losing my GF soon as he is sick and refusing to eat more that a few bites.

I want to follow him

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that if I had a peaceful and reliable way to free myself from this world then I would have absolutely no problem going through with ctb. In fact I would be very relieved that I can finally end all of this, I absolutely despise existing and always will do, and I don't wish to spend another day here.
But of course what keeps me here is the limited access to ctb methods and also the fear of ctb failing. Sadly, this society that is so focused on prolonging suffering makes voluntarily exiting so unnecessarily difficult and complicated and I hate this.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Knowing I will never be cis female, and these attractive cis females having the pretty privilage and sexuality that I can never have.

 

[bed]

I don't really have confidence it'll be an impulsive act to overcome SI.

I know that if I had a peaceful and reliable way to free myself from this world then I would have absolutely no problem going through with ctb. In fact I would be very relieved that I can finally end all of this, I absolutely despise existing and always will do, and I don't wish to spend another day here.
But of course what keeps me here is the limited access to ctb methods and also the fear of ctb failing. Sadly, this society that is so focused on prolonging suffering makes voluntarily exiting so unnecessarily difficult and complicated and I hate this.

do you not consider SN as a peaceful method? it is very easy to obtain for basically everyone.

 

[FuneralCry]

do you not consider SN as a peaceful method? it is very easy to obtain for basically everyone.

I think that it's a bit unrealistic saying that SN is easily available, I'm pretty sure that if we could all just order SN and just ctb then you wouldn't see threads about all these other methods. SN sounds fine enough as a method, not as ideal as N of course but it's inaccessible.

 

[bed]

I think that it's a bit unrealistic saying that SN is easily available, I'm pretty sure that if we could all just order SN and just ctb then you wouldn't see threads about all these other methods. SN sounds fine enough as a method, not as ideal as N of course but it's inaccessible.

I think we can all agree that it is not as ideal as N but there are plenty of sources for SN if you do a bit of digging and besides IC it is relatively cheap. I disagree though as to why we see other threads for different methods. everyone has a preferred method hierarchy, regardless of peacefulness, availability, or other reasons.

 

[Hollowman]

After decades of trying and failing to recover I just don't have much hope left.
Homelessness and old age don't sound appealing.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Just because of where life has brought me. My circumstances really dictate no other option. There's only 2 options: I can stay, or I can go. It is just untenable for me to continue like this.

 

[damaged_soul]

I don't have the confidence to do it, which is why I'm still here.