What gives you hope?

[sayochan]

Just what the title says. For people who want to recover, I'm wondering what makes you choose that instead of CTB. I'm trying to choose recovery, but hope has always been hard for me to find because when I get really depressed it's like everything is fuzzy. I can't remember the past or imagine the future. But maybe if you guys tell me what gives you hope, it will spark an idea.

 

[TBONTB]

Awww. It's hope related...i'd like to imagine feeling relaxed in a nice restaurant and enjoying a meal with someone. Or hanging out with my brother and family having some chats.

 

[VargosMelon]

Just what the title says. For people who want to recover, I'm wondering what makes you choose that instead of CTB. I'm trying to choose recovery, but hope has always been hard for me to find because when I get really depressed it's like everything is fuzzy. I can't remember the past or imagine the future. But maybe if you guys tell me what gives you hope, it will spark an idea.

Hope for me is super shaky. When I'm in the height of my despair, my ideations, my biggest thought is mostly how I don't matter. How I can't do anything, how the people around me could survive without me. Basically I lose hope when I feel overwhelmed and helpless. Recently I was feeling hopeless, something horrible transpired that is gonna change life going forward. I found myself thinking -- damn, I wished I had gone through with my method. However, what stopped me was thinking about others. Not living for them, but moreso, I reached out to a friend -- I was in a restless mood, couldn't sleep, didn't end up sleeping even though I laid down. I'm in a more hopeful mood because of that, and also because I got to reach out finally -- not exactly in the way I wanted, but in a regard that made me excited.

Overall, I find my hope recently from asking the question, "why push forward," this answer came to me when I couldn't help but think about those facing genocide (e.g. Gaza, Sudan, Congo, etc), and or other forms of harm, such as Trans people in the United States. When you are being squashed, why continue on, why have kids, why? Then I heard a Trans person speaking, I'm not sure exactly where... nevertheless, they mentioned how if there are Trans people here today, then there will be trans people for tomorrow. Which is important, because as we look in the past we see that Trans people have always existed, and will continue to exist in the future. It's like a reassurance that those in the past made it today, so we can make it to tomorrow.

TLDR: I guess I get my hope from thinking that I could do something good with my existence, with my care. I'm already here, unless I finally choose not to be -- so while I'm here let me do my best to learn how to help others. I say this because I had the thought that I wish I could give my life to someone who died and had a future ahead of them. I know that I will never have that grand future that I envisioned for myself, that I probably won't complete much of my goals in life because I oftentimes fail to commit. Despite that, I could work to give that future to someone else who can do more for themselves.

 

[thoughtitwouldbedif]

Maybe she'll come back or maybe I'll be better without her.

Only reason I'm still here.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Music. It's pretty much the only thing. I've discovered a lot of new music the past year and it's really keeping me going.

I have vague plans around travel too, but it's basically about music now. I spent some time with people yesterday and was SO thankful to get home and listen to music and plan some shows to see. I think clearly my life needs to be working in music because it's my everything at this point and the normies are BORING and toxic.

 

[Ch4in3dcr0w]

Its not really hope but just fear of pain and knowing i wont be able to ever CTB. just living day to day watching dumb tiktoks and discovering new bands or generally listening to new genres of music, like i said i wouldnt say its hope but it gives me somewhat of a enjoyment in life

 

[enjoytheride]

What often gives me hope is the idea that the only constant is change (Heraclitus). So I keep believing, sometimes to my disappointment, that life will eventually arrange in such a way that would allow things and my psychological health to improve. Changing my surroundings - such as moving to a new country or to another city (job, etc.) has helped in the past.

Environment seems to play a major role - and it makes sense, as we voluntarily or not respond and adapt to stimuli. These stimuli can improve or worsen our mental health. Different environments bring different sets of stimuli. Then comes the fact that we are a source of stimuli for our own selves, and I realize that I also contribute to a persisting negative psychological feedback loop.

Sometimes I also feel what VargosMelon describes in the sense there still being a chance that I make something meaningful out of my life, even if it's just being a good son, a good brother, a good friend, a kind stranger to a person struggling. This mindset sometimes feels like a rebellion against hopelessness and social cruelty. Maybe I will even learn how to be good and kind to myself again... :) I've had highs and lows - this low is perhaps a record low, but then - why not stick around for a while, and maybe there will be a high again. Maybe during that high, I will find my strength again. This is a form of hope.

P.S.: Perhaps I also find some hope in appreciating the small pleasures in life, in line with what Ch4in3dcr0w is saying about music. An issue that is destroying my psyche is that it seems that any little mistreatment or cynicism from others makes me feel I have no safety or stability at all, for hours or days on end. Not healthy for sure - it's as if my mind's shell has irrevocably cracked. Maybe there's glue out there waiting to be found... Maybe I have it and I don't see it...

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Just what the title says. For people who want to recover, I'm wondering what makes you choose that instead of CTB. I'm trying to choose recovery, but hope has always been hard for me to find because when I get really depressed it's like everything is fuzzy. I can't remember the past or imagine the future. But maybe if you guys tell me what gives you hope, it will spark an idea.

My relationship is the only thing that motivates me to recover. If I was never in a relationship to begin with I would be set on suicide and nothing else. And if my partner were to die/leave me I would definitely see no other option other than suicide. I just have the hope in him and myself that this relationship will make my life worth living.

 

[trying ungracefully]

That I have a future with my boyfriend.

We have been through a lot, we met when we were 16 and 19 so there was a lot of maturity to be learned. It's been almost 5 years though and I'm honestly excited and hopeful that everything is going to be fully alright one day because I have the person I love the most by my side who I learned so much with and grew with. Once we have the future we want I've reached where I want to be. It makes me motivated.