Discussion What drives you to recover?

[1up]

I feel hopeless most of the time

 

[motel rooms]

Loving my partner gives me a sense of purpose & makes my life much more bearable. I don't fantasize about making a full recovery.

 

[TriggerHappy]

...a lack of conviction because I so often doubt my talents....

 

[Lupgevif]

My parents.

 

[Rustysoupcan]

I guess I'm not actively trying to recover. Just trying to do what I can to keep functioning. Fear is what keeps me going. Fear of death, fear of hospitals, group homes. Not wanting to hurt my family also makes me not want to ctb.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Tunnel vision and delusional fallacies that could make me believe my luck will turn around are the main instigators of any potential recovery, plus my loyalty to various IPs is also delaying my CTB but hopefully when the time comes I'll be able to remove all these factors.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

To sustain myself long enough for my dad's sake until he passes.

 

[stellabelle]

Nothing. What's the god damn mother fucking point when everyone destroyed your life and happiness and tried to pretend to be "cool" they're fucking horrible and I deserve to kill myself anyway so I never have to face it anymore how horrible and evil they were

 

[Deleted member 32964]

Maybe one day screaming in my head and delusions of persecution will end. Maybe one day the long-winded 16.5 year conversation (loud argument) in the back of my head with my abuser will end. I keep hoping that one day it will end. Either that, or my life will. Maybe one day I'll use a trail again and exercise, go to a gym, think conscious thoughts, be capable of hearing or seeing straight enough to use a bicycle. Maybe one day I'll be let out of mental purgatory where I'm at war with those I've offended. Maybe one day I'll be responsible, capable of communicating like an adult. Maybe a rainbow. Maybe a dog to pet that just sets my day in a positive direction. Maybe a drinkless night where I'm not so caught up in what happened in the 7th grade or when I was 24 that I can be a 42 year old who doesn't live in 2 places at the same time. Maybe one day I'll be comfortable enough to have someone in my personal space where it isn't actually physically impossible, feels like invisible walls, jelly jiggling around me, like I've stepped into some other dimension and speak to someone without fear, discomfort and like we're capable of communicating. Maybe one day those burdens of the past wont be pressing down on my acocmplishments and hopes and feelings of being beat at a bus stop by someone who wants women at home in submission won't dominate me while commuting to a job interview that I ultimately walk away from to find myself in my 1 room apartment, drinking, considering suicide, alone, incapable of communicating like much more than a chattering squirrel that can't put sentences together for weeks on end hanging my head in shame. I just keep hoping that day comes. Each time I feel I'm getting there, someone out there dumps another clump of sand and rocks over my head and screams, "get back in your coffin witch, look at what you did". That - that's it. I just want that gone. And then to work on my health and beaty again and wipe the grease stains off of my pyjamas that I'm not crawling out of. To be clean, happy, safe, loved - one day that might happen. Until then, I'll hide in my corner and learn to leave others alone.

 

[Penda]

Not to let the Republicans and conservatives win

 

[Deleted member 32964]

Not to let the Republicans and conservatives win

barf. nazi woman hating female jail keeping homicidal evangelicsl violent pro-life oppressive rapist disgusting immoral pigs. make life pointless. ***trigger***

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

My essentially 6 month old son and my cat. I want to give them stability.

 

[existtosuffer]

Fear.

 

[PTSDPigeon]

Loving my partner gives me a sense of purpose & makes my life much more bearable. I don't fantasize about making a full recovery.

happy for you - you've found accepting, caring, unique partner. You care for one another in your states of imperfection and sickness and health. It's special. Many relationships are programmed into us with holy books, pressures of society and yours is truly special. You help each other.

I used to have pigeons as pets. They were either disabled, helpless (non-releasable) or orphaned. They have a special dynamic and establish relationships that are unbreakable, generally. Not to refer to you as a pigeon - it was just special to see.

It's not a shallow relationship. You encourage me and I'm thrilled for your happiness.

 

[emmarg]

Only my little sister. Nothing else

 

[Conker]

Improving my own dream and that of others. Fulfillment of some goals.

I'm not deluding myself into thinking there's healing on the horizon. He's wounded and about to finish bleeding out sometime within the next 17 years. I just figure that I may as well finish on a "good" note, before I escape their Ouroboros DVD.

So, to rephrase your question.. It isn't really a matter of recovery for me, but what keeps one going.

 

[tardis]

Take a lesson from Satan after he was driven into hell:

Fall'n Cherube, to be weak is miserable
Doing or Suffering: but of this be sure,
To do ought good never will be our task,
But ever to do ill our sole delight,
As being the contrary to his high will
Whom we resist. If then his Providence
Out of our evil seek to bring forth good,
Our labour must be to pervert that end,
And out of good still to find means of evil;

From Paradise Lost

Spoiler: You can read the whole thing

Fall'n Cherube, to be weak is miserable
Doing or Suffering: but of this be sure,
To do ought good never will be our task,
But ever to do ill our sole delight, [ 160 ]
As being the contrary to his high will
Whom we resist. If then his Providence
Out of our evil seek to bring forth good,
Our labour must be to pervert that end,
And out of good still to find means of evil; [ 165 ]
Which oft times may succeed, so as perhaps
Shall grieve him, if I fail not, and disturb
His inmost counsels from thir destind aim.
But see the angry Victor hath recall'd
His Ministers of vengeance and pursuit [ 170 ]
Back to the Gates of Heav'n: The Sulphurous Hail
Shot after us in storm, oreblown hath laid
The fiery Surge, that from the Precipice
Of Heav'n receiv'd us falling, and the Thunder,
Wing'd with red Lightning and impetuous rage, [ 175 ]
Perhaps hath spent his shafts, and ceases now
To bellow through the vast and boundless Deep.
Let us not slip th' occasion, whether scorn,
Or satiate fury yield it from our Foe.
Seest thou yon dreary Plain, forlorn and wilde, [ 180 ]
The seat of desolation, voyd of light,
Save what the glimmering of these livid flames
Casts pale and dreadful? Thither let us tend
From off the tossing of these fiery waves,
There rest, if any rest can harbour there, [ 185 ]
And reassembling our afflicted Powers,
Consult how we may henceforth most offend
Our Enemy, our own loss how repair,
How overcome this dire Calamity,
What reinforcement we may gain from Hope, [ 190 ]
If not what resolution from despare.

 

[Mynameisnotimportant]

Got a tortoise that is going to live another 30+ years and she's my little princess

 

[medjooled11]

My future.

 

[Sherri]

Having my boyfriend, helps me a lot, knowing I have someone to handle me and hold me on the worst days, all of you on SS, and my doctor which i adore and always call him my saviour along with SS.

I feel hopeless most of the time

If you just feel depressed and seeing a doctor, I maybe can recommend we worked for me. Most doctors use obsolete anti depression. I'm taking an new generation one, doesn't make me jump for joy, but certainly helps me.

 

[SparkleWater]

if i kill myself hitler would be right


im autistic