Venting What does the future look like if you don't CTB?

[Sleeper System]

I think i'll work until I can't anymore. I'll stay at my job either my entire life or until it closes down.
Being fired from my current job is a possibility. If that happened i'd try to find other work. If I couldn't find something after a few months then I'd really start planning to ctb.

I've always wanted to have my own apartment but I don't know if that will be possible with the way things in my area are progressing. I can't afford it. My living situation will probably revolve around renting rooms for the rest of my life. If I'm lucky I will be provided with senior housing which seems like the only way i'll ever get my own place. Government help.

I don't think i'll leave my city either. I've always had a love hate relationship with it but it's familiar to me and that makes me complacent. I'll likely remain unless the cost of living gets so crazy that I'll have to move somewhere else but still commute to work there.

As for love, I don't think i'll ever be married or have children. I don't really want either thing.
I will die alone in my own bed or some hospice bed if I make it to be older. I'll keep the few friends I have for as long as I can. We live in an age where you can feel forfilled by random stranger friends online than actual ones. I don't i'll ever be too lonely in that case. I'll always have the illusion of a social life.

I'll have to deal with the deaths of my few loved ones at some point and I don't know how that will go. I prefer not to think about it. I'm also not prepared financially for that nor will I ever be. I hope I can get through it and not spiral deeper into depression.

I live a simple life really. I go to work. I come home. I don't hang out with anyone. I always order out and spend time on the computer. I go to bed and do the same thing all over again. It's boring and yet peaceful. I'm saving what little money I can bit I don't know why. It's not enough to do anything with other than spend on bills or bullshit. Im just aimless saving and wishful thinking hoping it might be enough incase I ctb. I want to go somewhere far away and peaceful to die. If it comes to that.

I always wanted a rental property and to have a dog. Those dreams seem to be unattainable even though it seems so simple. I just don't have the drive to do more than what i'm already doing. Never had any faith in myself to be more than what I am. I'll always not be enough.

I need to write this stuff to get it out of my head and accept my life for what it is.
I hate my life and yet it's all I know. I don't see it any other way. Any harder and I will break through.
I know it. So i'll keep trying to push forward. Until something so bad happens that I'll really kill myself just to escape it or avoid dealing with it. I'm kinda tired. Don't wanna do this living stuff anymore. Heh.

 

[DeadHead]

Continued gradual decline and worsening symptoms of inoperable brain tumour.

 

[Sleeper System]

Continued gradual decline and worsening symptoms of inoperable brain tumour.

Someone in my position might call you lucky.
Just coast through the rest of your life and you'll be gone in no time.
Sounds like a dream really. The only bad part will be medical costs and pain management.

 

[uniqueusername39]

im kind of the same. part of me hopes somebody finds me in the ditch im in and pulls me along on their adventures, because i dont have the drive to pursue those myself. but they will be unfortunate, because im boring, depressed, and negative all the time, and nobody deserves to endure the shit i say about the pointlessness of everything. i have a boyfriend, and constantly i fear him leaving me because of my frustrating attitude. i feel happy some times, too...but my baseline is being depressed, and i feel like he's on his limit for dealing with me. i can't visualize a future where im truly happy.

 

[Suspect_Device]

My cervical spine will continue to degrade and and hurt and ruin my life and no one else will understand or care.

 

[Sleeper System]

im kind of the same. part of me hopes somebody finds me in the ditch im in and pulls me along on their adventures, because i dont have the drive to pursue those myself. but they will be unfortunate, because im boring, depressed, and negative all the time, and nobody deserves to endure the shit i say about the pointlessness of everything. i have a boyfriend, and constantly i fear him leaving me because of my frustrating attitude. i feel happy some times, too...but my baseline is being depressed, and i feel like he's on his limit for dealing with me. i can't visualize a future where im truly happy.

Feeling like I have some kind of purpose would be nice. Working just to survive feels draining for no reason at all.

 

[piryohae3]

The world will become increasingly hostile in every way - socially, economically, politically, environmentally.

Socially - Loneliness has been increasing long before the advent of the internet and has only been increasing as technology developed. Covid exposed the lack of empathy and basic decency in people. Internet, social media, smart phones, being too drained from work are major problems now. When VR gets developed enough people will be spending more time in fake worlds to escape the misery of real life.

Economically - History is riddled with recessions, depressions, crashes, bubble collapses and the modern era is no different. Living a decent life has become less affordable as wealth continues to be funneled to the top. In my lifetime we've already had 2 major recessions and handouts for the rich. I suspect this will be the norm whenever economic problems arise. Buying a house will be even more difficult than it already is for the average person. People will keep being paid less than what they're worth bc workers have no power.

Politically - Everyone agrees the political situation is fucked but they can't agree on the reasons why. Keep the drones fighting amongst themselves so the rulers can enrich themselves. The two party system is working to perfection. In Europe, far right politicians are winning elections bc people are sick of immigration. Maybe this is the 1930s repeating itself. Currently there are at least 5 genocides worldwide happening. There will be more bc humans are pieces of shit.

Environmentally - The Amazon is burning. The oceans are dying. Global temperatures keep rising. Severe weather events are becoming more frequent. The sixth mass extinction event is underway. Fresh water will become more scarce. We can't maintain the status quo without also killing our home. Political inaction will be the norm until a cataclysm bitch slaps us so hard that it forces a change.

Things will get worse before they get better. Unfortunately the improvements won't happen within my lifetime. Probably not for a few generations. I'd like to think that after all the calamity the world be a Star Trek-like utopia but we'll probably end up with some shit dystopia.

TLDR - I get even more miserable so I spend all my time having virtual sex with virtual hookers while my real body dies bc I didn't bother to feed myself.

 

[DeadHead]

Someone in my position might call you lucky.































































































































































































































































Just coast through the rest of your life and you'll be gone in no time.































































































































































































































































Sounds like a dream really. The only bad part will be medical costs and pain management.































































Someone in my position might call you lucky.































Just coast through the rest of your life and you'll be gone in no time.































Sounds like a dream really. The only bad part will be medical costs and pain management.















Someone in my position might call you lucky.







Just coast through the rest of your life and you'll be gone in no time.







Sounds like a dream really. The only bad part will be medical costs and pain management.







Someone in my position might call you lucky.



Just coast through the rest of your life and you'll be gone in no time.



Sounds like a dream really. The only bad part will be medical costs and pain management.



Someone in my position might call you lucky.

Just coast through the rest of your life and you'll be gone in no time.

Sounds like a dream really. The only bad part will be medical costs and pain management.

Someone in my position might call you lucky.
Just coast through the rest of your life and you'll be gone in no time.
Sounds like a dream really. The only bad part will be medical costs and pain management.

Someone in my position would call you an ignorant, insensitive, spoilt child. You think it's easy losing your vision while still having to work? You think it's easy having a numb face, intense spasms 24/7, seizures, daily nausea, being off balance? With no medical help, no symptom management and no one who gives a fuck? You think it's easy falling over and breaking my ribs 3 x in 18 months? Coasting huh?

Someone in my position might call you lucky.































































































































































































































































Just coast through the rest of your life and you'll be gone in no time.































































































































































































































































Sounds like a dream really. The only bad part will be medical costs and pain management.































































Someone in my position might call you lucky.































Just coast through the rest of your life and you'll be gone in no time.































Sounds like a dream really. The only bad part will be medical costs and pain management.















Someone in my position might call you lucky.







Just coast through the rest of your life and you'll be gone in no time.







Sounds like a dream really. The only bad part will be medical costs and pain management.







Someone in my position might call you lucky.



Just coast through the rest of your life and you'll be gone in no time.



Sounds like a dream really. The only bad part will be medical costs and pain management.



Someone in my position might call you lucky.

Just coast through the rest of your life and you'll be gone in no time.

Sounds like a dream really. The only bad part will be medical costs and pain management.

My cervical spine will continue to degrade and and hurt and ruin my life and no one else will understand or care.

I care and I'm sorry. There are some pretty ignorant kids here though who won't understand or care.

 

[february in alaska]

I would graduate, eventually find a new job, need to find a roommate, continue trudging through life. I could have what a lot of people would consider a "good" life, honestly. I'm horrible for just throwing that away when so many people never have the same relative stability. But the thought makes me extremely miserable. I wish I could just trade my life for someone else who wants and deserves it more

If I didn't CTB I would spare my family a lot of pain, but I would be miserable every single day I stayed alive... none of my issues would go away, because I have no reason or motivation to try and change or get better. I would keep being lonely, but never reaching out or trying to meet people. I would be living paycheck to paycheck and completely without ambition in terms of a job or a future. I would probably never be able to have a stable relationship or have a family of my own. Just more of what I'm doing now, which is essentially just taking up space lol

 

[Raindancer]

Someone in my position would call you an ignorant, insensitive, spoilt child. You think it's easy losing your vision while still having to work? You think it's easy having a numb face, intense spasms 24/7, seizures, daily nausea, being off balance? With no medical help, no symptom management and no one who gives a fuck? You think it's easy falling over and breaking my ribs 3 x in 18 months? Coasting huh?



I care and I'm sorry. There are some pretty ignorant kids here though who won't understand or care.

I am so very sorry and I care as well. I cannot imagine the pain you go through everyday dealing with that. I am also so very sorry you do not have any symptom management. I too suffer severely health wise but have been blessed to receive symptom management. Sending healing and compassion hugs.

 

[bleedingbxnes]

i wish i could find a partner. i think being a stay at home spouse would be good for me, whether i'd work or take care of the home, just because of the flexibility it could offer for when my episodes occur.

realistically i'll keep being what i always have been; wasted potential.

 

[Xiukitty]

For me idk i cant see anything else except for living the same day over and over. Or maybe being homeless like my dad has threatened a couple times lol

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I don't know

 

[Hollowman]

Homeless and alone, no thanks.

 

[Sylveon]

Well, if I keep pushing forward and manage to get through college, there's no doubt that I should end up having a somewhat "decent" life (according to my country's standards at least), but really, I see no point in living a life I can't live for myself; I've got no dreams, ambitions, or goals of my own, and I can only live so much for others. It makes me feel horrible as to how I'll probably throw away my objectively "good" life while there are countless people, including children, who have to literally live on the streets in extreme poverty. :/

And the other thing is that the thought of becoming an "adult" in the real world (again, I'm not a minor) fills me with dread. I cannot see myself holding relationships, and really, I can go on and on on this, but as ridiculous as it sounds, I can't see myself doing even the day-to-day things that adults do without being miserable all the time.

Sometimes I feel like the suicidal equivalent of an entitled child, lol.

I would graduate, eventually find a new job, need to find a roommate, continue trudging through life. I could have what a lot of people would consider a "good" life, honestly. I'm horrible for just throwing that away when so many people never have the same relative stability. But the thought makes me extremely miserable. I wish I could just trade my life for someone else who wants and deserves it more

If I didn't CTB I would spare my family a lot of pain, but I would be miserable every single day I stayed alive... none of my issues would go away, because I have no reason or motivation to try and change or get better. I would keep being lonely, but never reaching out or trying to meet people. I would be living paycheck to paycheck and completely without ambition in terms of a job or a future. I would probably never be able to have a stable relationship or have a family of my own. Just more of what I'm doing now, which is essentially just taking up space lol

I relate to this a lot, and that part about loneliness hits hard. It's so weird how you feel lonely but then suddenly keep pushing people away because you feel like you're going to be a burden to them or that you don't deserve them, and the cycle goes on and on.

The only thing weirder is how I'm self aware of it...

 

[Captive_Mind515]

Misery and more loneliness and isolation. If the past is a good predictor of the future - which it very often is - then my future looks very bleak and not really worth sticking around for.

But luckily for me, I don't mind the idea of dying and exiting this sh!thole early. I'm just sticking around until my dog has had enough… he's old so whenever he reaches the end of the line, that will be the bus stop we both hopefully get off at.

We'll get a well earned rest from this exhausting and confusing "game" that has never really stopped kicking the crap out of me relentlessly for 20+ years now… I am looking forward to this with optimism and hopefulness in my heart.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Misery and more loneliness and isolation. If the past is a good predictor of the future - which it very often is - then my future looks very bleak and not really worth sticking around for.

Couldn't agree more, having had quite a number of long and hard years, it's probably going to continue in future.

 

[redeyepiranha]

Suffering from suicidal thoughts and bleak outlook on life, probably working a doctor grasping the fact that artists and singers will earn more than me and past generations taken together

 

[BlazingBob]

Homeless and alone, no thanks.

Same here. I'd rather be dead than homeless.

 

[PinkyStat]

Drinking or using other drugs until my liver stops working or i get a heart attack

 

[CPY]

Probably homelessness when my parents eventually die

 

[IWishToDie]

Continued gradual decline and worsening symptoms of inoperable brain tumour.

@DeadHead I am so sorry to hear this. I hope somewhere like Pegasus Switzerland would accept you for Nembutal. Do you have money saved by any chance?

My cervical spine will continue to degrade and and hurt and ruin my life and no one else will understand or care.

Damn. Spine and neck injury here @Suspect_Device I know what you're dealing with. Hope you get some rest this weekend (I am not sleeping at all).

 

[Krokodile]

Unpleasant and way too long. If I had a few years left I could do my time, but I'd be likely to have decades, that is too much and must be avoided.

 

[SMmetalhead36]

Drinking myself till alcohol poisoning and my body shuts down.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

@Sleeper System I read your OP and it saddens me. Idk how old you are but I did many of those things throughout my life even moved to a foreign country bc of marriage and love(and I'm still very happy and glad I did that when it was possible!!)

Yet I don't see a bright future for myself, steadily declining bc I can't get out of my hole I'm trapped in. And CTB may be the only option to prevent myself from the experience of how it is to live on an even lower level (This is my personal stuff!).

I can really understand that you and many others don't want to experience lower levels than were we have reached already. It's agonizing and suffering.

I really hope we all can find a way out of our problems that are causing us to suffer whatever way that may be.

Edit: How do I see my own future: Wouldn't be too bad but not what I have expected and I would have to "bridge" an awful time. It'd be really better to die before it gets worse.

 

[HouseofMortok]

Becoming homeless, but hey, it's a lifestyle choice though right Suella Braverman?

 

[Jolene79]

My cervical spine will continue to degrade and and hurt and ruin my life and no one else will understand or care.

I imagine you have similar health problems to me. One of mine is severe cervical spine problems. Have to permanently hold my head with hands. It's no life

 

[girl2910]

I have no future

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think I'll end up dying through homelessness instead due to how incompetent I am in addition to how much I don't want to participate in life

 

[FuneralCry]

Just waiting to die anyway. All that existence is, is just a futile process of deteriorating and decaying where one is slowly dying. Existence is ultimately very pointless and meaningless to me, we are all just waiting until this existence disappears into nothingness where finally we will be at peace with all forgotten about.