I already know. They would say I'm crazy, depressed, lazy, useless, weird, not responsible or reliable, a whore, a druggy, good for nothing etc. The great thing is that I don't care
I learned a long time ago that the only thing that matters is what I think, nobody knows me like I do, so no one can judge (that's why they say "only god can judge you" even though I am not religious or believe in gods, but I agree with the message). And I don't have to listen to what others say or think, at the end of the day, it's only me and my conscience that I have to live with. No one elses, I'm a bit solipsistic like that... I tend to view everything from my perspective because that's all I've got. I can only hear my thoughts, I can't hear other people's thoughts and what they're thinking, or what they're experiencing. They can say whatever they want all day long, I only know me, and luckily I don't have to hear it. I can just ignore it. It helps that I'm anti social and don't talk to people except my immediate family, and I don't need to socialize with other people.
The way I see it, other people's opinions don't matter. Unless they're controlling my life and my thoughts, it's just jibberish. I see the entire planet as one insignificant speck, and we're all insignificant dust particles. I'm so thankful for my enlightenment, I'm so relieved that I'm ME and I know the things I know. I would hate to be a robotic wage slave breeder like literally 99% of humanity. I've been there, done that, got it out of my system and I have no need for many of the things that most people want.
And if anyone who knows me from childhood or highschool etc, and they're still thinking about me, even negatively, I should be flattered that anyone even still cares to give me a thought haha! I clearly made an impression on them if they're thinking or dreaming about me almost 20 years later.
Its hard to explain, but I have been through so much excruciating, traumatic, agonizing hellish pain in my life - physical and mental, that the last thing I would care about during those moments and hours of excruciating pain is what other people think of me. The pain I have been through is so severe that I even didn't care about money, or ANYTHING except wanting the pain to go away. That's all I want, is to not be in pain anymore and to be content and at peace, to hell with petty gossip stuff and people I don't even know or care about. We humans have been around for thousands of years and billions of people, seriously who cares, there is so much more to life than worrying about that. Life is so much bigger and full of wonder, I just can't care what some little mortal useless disgusting humans are thinking. I call them disgusting because everyone who knows me is a dumb racist barbaric obnoxious selfish sociopathic vulture (see I can find lots of things to say about thousands of people lol), that's literally what I grew up around and live with - it took a lot of strength to cleanse myself of their toxic culture. I come from a culture that uses the caste system, and that teaches hate (Islam) it's very toxic and abusive, I was lucky to be born and grow up in Canada though.
One more thing, I also look at life really differently. Most people view life as extremely important and their reputation is the top priority. I'm like fuck it, why does it matter? We're going to die anyway one day so really nothing matters. I also don't believe in an afterlife or eternal consciousness, so that also helps. Sorry for my long post I just hope I can help someone with my thoughts
