What do I do?

[starlessnight]

I don't know what to do anymore. I can never get better because there's always a part of me that doesn't want to. That's how I always end up back here. And that's why I finally made a plan to CTB. But then I can never go through with the plan because there's always a part of me that wants to live. And so it's a never ending cycle. I just want it all to stop. But it never will until I fully come to terms with what I want which is impossible. I just want to die but I can't. So is the only other option rotting away until I die of old age? Because I can't live as well if this is always on my mind.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

I don't know what to do anymore. I can never get better because there's always a part of me that doesn't want to. That's how I always end up back here. And that's why I finally made a plan to CTB. But then I can never go through with the plan because there's always a part of me that wants to live. And so it's a never ending cycle. I just want it all to stop. But it never will until I fully come to terms with what I want which is impossible. I just want to die but I can't. So is the only other option rotting away until I die of old age? Because I can't live as well if this is always on my mind.

Sadly, there are two options for the future: dying of old age or killing yourself. There's no third option.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Maybe you should answer the following questions:

Why do you wanna die? What's triggering it? Is there sth you can change that makes you not wanna die?

Why do you wanna live? Is there sth you can look forward to? Sth you would like to achieve?


You don't need to answer in public if you don't want to. But think about about it maybe you find a solution.

 

[unabletocope]

You thought about taking something to help you relax while killing yourself? If I have to hang myself I'm thinking of taking something to help me settle

 

[starlessnight]

Maybe you should answer the following questions:

Why do you wanna die? What's triggering it? Is there sth you can change that makes you not wanna die?

Why do you wanna live? Is there sth you can look forward to? Sth you would like to achieve?


You don't need to answer in public if you don't want to. But think about about it maybe you find a solution.

1. I've wanted to die because of past struggles. But now, even with everything being "better", I feel like it's something I need to do more than want. Right now I feel like this is the best it's ever going to get. Might as well go out with good memories and a somewhat feeling of peace and happiness instead of doing it when everything is too much to bare. I don't want to suffer in my last days. Also maybe a trigger is loneliness. I've never had a parent I could talk to. Or the parent I needed/need. The only thing that might change anything is if I had someone who I feel happy, loved, understood and comfortable with like a parent. But that's too late now. You're suppose to already have that growing up and continue that when you're an adult. You can't just get a parent when you're older. It's too late. Therefore there's nothing that could help me.

2. As much as I believe it's too late to have that someone who can cure my loneliness, I still have hope somehow that someone will be that person. Also I'd love to travel and see the world and spend time with loved ones. There's so much I want to do but it's not worth the suffering I don't think. Or the suffering is too much I can't even do any of those. Maybe I'd like to live but I can't if I'm always thinking about wanting to die.

It's always either the cons outweigh the pros or they're both equal. There's never more reasons to live than to die for me. But idk why I still find myself staying knowing that. Maybe I'm just scared to take the last step because I'm scared of what might happen after.

You thought about taking something to help you relax while killing yourself? If I have to hang myself I'm thinking of taking something to help me settle

Like pills or some type of relaxing stuff? I don't have access to that unless a bunch of advil works. What are you thinking of taking?

 

[unabletocope]

Like pills or some type of relaxing stuff? I don't have access to that unless a bunch of advil works. What are you thinking of taking?

Yeah, something like zopiclone/lorazepam/whatever I can get a hold of, never tried Xanax but I would take it if it helped settle me into dying

 

[Praestat_Mori]

That's really a tough situation caused mainly by loneliness over almost all your life. Living is hard dying is even harder. I'm sorry idk what you can do probably there's no real solution bc loneliness isn't easy to be cured unless you have people around you that you can trust and all that.