Discussion What did you believe?

[SolomonKado]

When you were growing up was there something that you had come to believe in and hoped throughout your life time you'd find proof of it? Since now you want to CTB and have never had proof then it means you believed in something for nothing? Let it shape a little bit of who you were because of that belief?

 

[Teleftaía Anapnoí]

In a religious way you say? I was raised in a Christian home, but I rejected that early on. What these guys propose makes no philosophical sense. Over time, I found myself in Hellenic polytheism. I still believe in the gods, I still pray that when I kill myself they can be there for me. In our belief, there is a very important figure who takes the souls of the dead. Hermes. A guiding god. I hope he picks me up. I don't know if belief is for nothing, since we don't aim for anything with devotion. The relationship is one of love, that's all. Whether in death or in life, it doesn't matter at the end of the day. But you talk about belief in general. I also have a very clear political belief and anyone who has seen some of my recent posts here on the forum knows this very well. I am a communist, affiliated with a party and active. Or at least i was before the depression. This political belief hurts me a lot when I contrast it with the upcoming suicide. I feel like I was defeated, and indeed we all were. Maybe, coldly analyzing, I'm just so frustrated by this. I am powerless, I can do nothing to change the material conditions I am placed in.

We should change the course of this planet, but we are patiently watching the planet die. The worst thing is that it is at the hands of big companies. It's shit living in this world.

 

[Forever Sleep]

True love I suppose. That there's someone for everyone and we're destined to meet them somehow. I think a lot of people simply never meet them. Plus, I'm not sure the whole fairytale happy ending always works out. I mean- obviously it doesn't. There are so many relationships that fail.

With regards to religion, I was raised loosely Christian but I lean more towards atheism now. I can't help but wonder if it's all a sham. When I look at incredible buildings of worship, I can't help but think- I'd feel so gutted if I had a hand in building that if God doesn't exist! I'm glad those buildings do exist though. Even if Gods don't exist, they are an impressive testament to mankind's achievement.

 

[SolomonKado]

I think religion kind of helped me when I was a kid to keep me scared of CTB before I had a chance to experience everything. It also had me believe that there were good in this world….not much though. Also to treat others better than myself…. like maybe others believed that too and a possibility I was going to get it back.

I can see the finding a soul mate thing as BS now. I've had nothing, but painful relationships. Ones you felt you loved them immensely just to not get it back. Doesn't exist atleast for me.

Feel silly saying this, but I also believed in magical things. From books like "Children's Fairy Tales", Brothers Grim, Movies and Books on fantastic and magical things, and so much more. I've never seen a single thing that made Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings seem like they were real. As if I believe hard enough then I'd finally see something. I even got myself lost for a couple hours in the mountains walking off the trail just so I might find something…anything…was a waste of time and terrified me at 8/9 years old.

This world tries to shove such fantastic, amazing, and loving things down your throat. I guess to keep you subservient to the ones who rule us like we are just cogs in the wheel to make them money. Fuck this world..

 

[carac]

I'm kind of the opposite really. I used to believe life was pointless and everything balanced itself out so everything was relative. I believed in science and determinism and was an atheist, it's hard to describe it but "nihilism" or something like it. As I've got older and explored these ideas I've discovered science has it limitations and nature is irrational, while I still don't believe in God I am much more agnostic. I still have a sense of despair that life is pointless but I have hope that there is something there I can't wrap my head around

 

[LonelyKitten]

I believed the life I was handed as a child was realistically unlivable.
The more I continue learn about it to this day, the more it turns out I was right.

This made me start to believe in, or rather, hope, for some sort of karmic justice.
The only thing keeping me going was praying that I could luck my way into some sort of salvation, some sort of escape.
Without that belief, nothing would've kept me from ctbing as a child.

Y'know, I actually ended up getting that escape. But I failed to maintain it.
Now that I'm right back where I was before, I find myself simultaneously kicking myself for not putting in enough of *my own* effort to "save" me, yet also I pray for another miracle.
The unrealistic nature of another escape, illuminated through my new experiences I gathered, is what drives me to now primarily seek salvation from ctbing.

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

Belief.. well I'm disillusioned now but still kind of hold to some beliefs about how life should be but I think that regard I failed to live up to my own expectations. I don't care much for religion anymore. I used to.