What debilitating health problems do you suffer from that make you want to ctb?

[TheGoodGuy]

I actually know a great deal, so why don't you try explaining what EXACTLY is your issue? you don't get procedures for just being a slow eater? whats going on? problem swallowing? problem moving food down? what EXACTLY is the medical issue? if you just eat slow then who gives a fuck? so do buddhist monks? whats your issue?

I have trouble swallowing the food I have to chew it for 3-5 minutes per bite untill it´s liquid that is also why I try and avoid grounded beef because I will be spitting tiny bits of cartilage out like a chipmunk eating nuts, to normal people they don´t notice because they swallow the meat faster and in bigger pieces but I notice it because I chew my food to liquid.

As far as what the reason is no doctor knows but I suspect it might be caused by a childhood trauma where I as a child and teenager have been about to choke to death 5 times where my dad saved my life using the heimlich maneure every time but even as a baby I showed signs of having trouble eating and now as an adult I am allergic to almost all foods so my throat is never relaxed also because of anxiety.

But anxiety isn´t the sole reason because when I first starting using benzos it helped by relaxing me while eating but I couldn´t eat faster, before I used benzos and my anxiety was really bad I would grab my pants and make a fist when eating while chewing like a maniac my mom even said to the psychiatrist that "you should see him eating how much he struggles" which is true I am not relaxed at all I hate eating!! Sometimes when I have gotten really mad before I used benzos and alcohol I would sometimes in a rage take a knife to my throat just wanting to destroy it since it has destroyed my life.

 

[mschokesond]

Bipolar disorder, panic disorder, ptsd, add and drug addiction.

 

[ceelo]

I have trouble swallowing the food I have to chew it for 3-5 minutes per bite untill it´s liquid that is also why I try and avoid grounded beef because I will be spitting tiny bits of cartilage out like a chipmunk eating nuts, to normal people they don´t notice because they swallow the meat faster and in bigger pieces but I notice it because I chew my food to liquid.

As far as what the reason is no doctor knows but I suspect it might be caused by a childhood trauma where I as a child and teenager have been about to choke to death 5 times where my dad saved my life using the heimlich maneure every time but even as a baby I showed signs of having trouble eating and now as an adult I am allergic to almost all foods so my throat is never relaxed also because of anxiety.

But anxiety isn´t the sole reason because when I first starting using benzos it helped by relaxing me while eating but I couldn´t eat faster, before I used benzos and my anxiety was really bad I would grab my pants and make a fist when eating while chewing like a maniac my mom even said to the psychiatrist that "you should see him eating how much he struggles" which is true I am not relaxed at all I hate eating!! Sometimes when I have gotten really mad before I used benzos and alcohol I would sometimes in a rage take a knife to my throat just wanting to destroy it since it has destroyed my life.

mate you literally have globus hystericus dysphagia, it is a high anxiety/ stress condition and very heavily documented, nothing mysterious in this case at all and it can be solved but it takes a long time. I had it to but because of my knowledge of anxiety disorders and symptoms i didnt respond to it at all and it thus it didnt ground in a response and went in 3 days but some people deal with it for months/years, its a pathology issue.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

mate you literally have globus hystericus dysphagia, it is a high anxiety/ stress condition and very heavily documented, nothing mysterious in this case at all and it can be solved but it takes a long time. I had it to but because of my knowledge of anxiety disorders and symptoms i didnt respond to it at all and it thus it didnt ground in a response and went in 3 days but some people deal with it for months/years, its a pathology issue.

It does indeed sound like what I feel and I have saved it in my bookmarks so I remember to ask the psychiatrist, but I seem to have heard about it before but not surre.

But it says on google a person can have it for month even years but I have had it in some sort since I was an infant but I don´t remember the lump feeling as a child or even as a teenager. So I have had it in some form or another my whole life (26 years) that seems extremely unusual and unfair

Also this makes me even more angry at the ear, nose and throat doctor who after 4 operations said they couldn´t see any abnormalties despite at that time I actually described the symptoms as having a lumb in my throat like a piece of food was stuck he just said we can´t do more for you, he should have known about this that stupid incompetent fool and after they were done with me they just refered me to a random psychologist who didn´t specialize in stuff like this it was just an average psychologist I swear all these doctors are so incompetent they nothing about anything at least when it comes to me, the world just hates me..

 

[ceelo]

It does indeed sound like what I feel and I have saved it in my bookmarks so I remember to ask the psychiatrist, but I seem to have heard about it before but not surre.

But it says on google a person can have it for month even years but I have had it in some sort since I was an infant but I don´t remember the lump feeling as a child or even as a teenager. So I have had it in some form or another my whole life (26 years) that seems extremely unusual and unfair

It will last as long as the cycle is continued, you need to forget all these retard psychiatrists and start looking into Dr claire weekes and all the related anxiety experts, doctors and psychiatrists know dick about it because they just want to give meds. You dont always get lump feeling btw, some just get inability to swallow, i did and its really common in anxiety disorders man but it can be treated if you have the right knowledge and approach, just requires you to do some acceptance training and break the cycle.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

It will last as long as the cycle is continued, you need to forget all these retard psychiatrists and start looking into Dr claire weekes and all the related anxiety experts, doctors and psychiatrists know dick about it because they just want to give meds. You dont always get lump feeling btw, some just get inability to swallow, i did and its really common in anxiety disorders man but it can be treated if you have the right knowledge and approach, just requires you to do some acceptance training and break the cycle.

I have literally NEVER met anyone with this problem I even asked in several psychiatric clinics if they know anyone who have the same symptoms as me at least I wouldn´t feel like I was the only one in the world with this problem which I do believe.

And as for your request I just can´t I have faught for too long I don´t have anymore fight left in me, keep in mind this throat problem is just one of a dozen physical and mental problems I am battling also I think life in general is insignificant so why should I fight maybe 5 more years of this to be magically cured just to have 1 less problem; I have lived my life to its fullest as a child and teenager adult "life" just isn´t for me even if I was healthy I don´t want to work 8-10 hours 5 days a week while commuting too among other work related events on a job I don´t like just to have 25 vacation days to myself I want to be a child yet I am 26 I feel so old I might as well be 80

 

[ceelo]

I have literally NEVER met anyone with this problem I even asked in several psychiatric clinics if they know anyone who have the same symptoms as me at least I wouldn´t feel like I was the only one in the world with this problem which I do believe.

And as for your request I just can´t I have faught for too long I don´t have anymore fight left in me, keep in mind this throat problem is just one of a dozen physical and mental problems I am battling also I think life in general is insignificant so why should I fight maybe 5 more years of this to be magically cured just to have 1 less problem; I have lived my life to its fullest as a child and teenager adult "life" just isn´t for me even if I was healthy I don´t want to work 8-10 hours 5 days a week while commuting too among other work related events on a job I don´t like just to have 25 vacation days to myself I want to be a child yet I am 26 I feel so old I might as well be 80

thats because the field is a joke, it's a well documented and very common condition. The only rare thing here is how long you've had it as a pathology. All the best.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

thats because the field is a joke, it's a well documented and very common condition. The only rare thing here is how long you've had it as a pathology. All the best.

Well then I am not wrong when I say doctors are incompetent, I have seen dozens with this problem and none of them knew.

 

[Cuppatea856]

Bipolar disorder, so sick of all the different meds that do nothing but have left me living with a chemical lobotomy.

 

[Close_to_freedom]

I actually know a great deal, so why don't you try explaining what EXACTLY is your issue? you don't get procedures for just being a slow eater? whats going on? problem swallowing? problem moving food down? what EXACTLY is the medical issue? if you just eat slow then who gives a fuck? so do buddhist monks? whats your issue?

Eat your heart out.

 

[RepressedMind]

Literally as I am writing this my issues persist, it is as if I am obsessed by an external entity and it is changing the way I think and behave. And if left unchecked ends up causing me a lot of mental distress. Outside of that I used to have a lot of intrusive thoughts and I thought it seemed a bit like OCD.

 

[mediocre]

Nerve damage all over the body due to undiagnosed nuerological problems. Still waiting to see a specialist after 6 months. A Haitus hernia in the stomach that causes a lot of pain and discomfort. Numerous other pains. I can't function day to day anymore and I've had absolutely no help or pain relief

 

[Wizard999666]

Have cervical dystonia due to a damaged nerve in the neck. As a results of this I have constant neck spasms all day and suffer from fatigue issues. I can barely stand upright because the nerve damage is causing me issues all over the spine. I have been reduced to a zombie-like existence and live at home with disgusting narcissistic parents. "Why don't you get a job, I have pain in the neck sometimes too".

 

[mediocre]

Have cervical dystonia due to a damaged nerve in the neck. As a results of this I have constant neck spasms all day and suffer from fatigue issues. I can barely stand upright because the nerve damage is causing me issues all over the spine. I have been reduced to a zombie-like existence and live at home with disgusting narcissistic parents. "Why don't you get a job, I have pain in the neck sometimes too".

Do they give you any pain relief at all? sounds horrible I am so sorry

 

[Wizard999666]

Do they give you any pain relief at all? sounds horrible I am so sorry

I don't really have that much pain per se. My body has just become useless and I suffer from many health issues and feel horrible all the time.

 

[mediocre]

I don't really have that much pain per se. My body has just become useless and I suffer from many health issues and feel horrible all the time.

I am so sorry. I'm in a similar situation my body is wrecked due to b12 defiency I suspect widespread nerve damage. I do have a lot of burning pain tho. It's even worse when doctors refuse to help in my case.. I am so sorry you have to deal with this

 

[Wizard999666]

I am so sorry. I'm in a similar situation my body is wrecked due to b12 defiency I suspect widespread nerve damage. I do have a lot of burning pain tho. It's even worse when doctors refuse to help in my case.. I am so sorry you have to deal with this

Likewise. I was likely born with the damage but I was never aware of it until recently. I worked in a physical job for 1.5 years (quit not too long ago), it caused the nerve to deteriorate even further. I started to get problems in the brain and the whole spine as a result of it. I went to my doctor but he wouldn't even give me sick leave. "You don't get sick leave just because your neck is a little stiff.". I had to just stop going to work.
Doctors are retarded and unqualified unfortunately, at least many of them. It's this nepotistic society we live in, where people get jobs based on family and connections instead of merit. My sister studied medicine and saw this first hand.

 

[mediocre]

I can't believe a doctor would even say that..well I can actually here they are all brain dead! They don't know what they're talking about. I thought here in Ireland was bad. Are you in the US? I've been waiting six months for a neurologist appointment. That's for private. Public nhs would be 3 years. I haven't been diagnosed having nerve damage, yet.

Likewise. I was likely born with the damage but I was never aware of it until recently. I worked in a physical job for 1.5 years (quit not too long ago), it caused the nerve to deteriorate even further. I started to get problems in the brain and the whole spine as a result of it. I went to my doctor but he wouldn't even give me sick leave. "You don't get sick leave just because your neck is a little stiff.". I had to just stop going to work.
Doctors are retarded and unqualified unfortunately, at least many of them. It's this nepotistic society we live in, where people get jobs based on family and connections instead of merit. My sister studied medicine and saw this first hand.

 

[Wizard999666]

I can't believe a doctor would even say that..well I can actually here they are all brain dead! They don't know what they're talking about. I thought here in Ireland was bad. Are you in the US? I've been waiting six months for a neurologist appointment. That's for private. Public nhs would be 3 years. I haven't been diagnosed having nerve damage, yet.
I can't believe a doctor would even say that..well I can actually here they are all brain dead! They don't know what they're talking about. I thought here in Ireland was bad. Are you in the US? I've been waiting six months for a neurologist appointment. That's for private. Public nhs would be 3 years. I haven't been diagnosed having nerve damage, yet.

Nope, I'm from Norway. I'm not going to pursue any medial treatment, as I know there's nothing that can be done. I'm sorry that you have to wait so long, that sounds ridiculous.

 

[BadChanges]

Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and it's comorbidities. Basically I have joint, tissue laxity and hypermobility. That means I dislocate some joints, I have issues with basically anything that has collagen. Cartilage, skin, digestive system, ligaments, tissues, spine...etc. That means my muscles have to work extra time to keep my body from totally collapsing. It really went down hill for me the last 1.5 years and it gets worse every day. I'm at my wits end, and I don't really wanna die, but It's hard to keep up with everything, and I don't wanna live in this meaningless, and hopeless existence. I was a capable man, but something happened and I developed wide spread nerve issues that is stemming from my neck that is called cranio-cervical instability that there is no solution that I can think of. I also suffer from extreme brainfog which makes things harder. I really hope I will find some sort of an avenue to improve, but for the time being I got SN in my drawer. Sigh.

 

[ceelo]

A Haitus hernia in the stomach that causes a lot of pain and discomfort.

Mate this fucking shit ruined my life, i even went private and paid around 8k so far, i kept saying over and fucking over again that my body responds very poorly to the hernia and its putting my body in stress/anxiety response mode and is causing pain, the cunts just did nothing and said to my face "nah you cant feel it" then after a year of fucking agony and a now ridiculous out of control somatic anxiety disorder 24/7 they finally agree i might be right but then corona happened and i have to wait for surgery and go through surgery in this mess, absolute cunting disgrace of a medical system we have, NO ONE listens. I will swear until my dying day that this hernia for whatever unlucky reason set off my autonomic fight or flight and has nothing whatsoever to do with me conciously, im legit extraordinarily resilient and have never added any fear or anxious thinking at all despite the absolute carnage its caused.

Likewise. I was likely born with the damage but I was never aware of it until recently. I worked in a physical job for 1.5 years (quit not too long ago), it caused the nerve to deteriorate even further. I started to get problems in the brain and the whole spine as a result of it. I went to my doctor but he wouldn't even give me sick leave. "You don't get sick leave just because your neck is a little stiff.". I had to just stop going to work.
Doctors are retarded and unqualified unfortunately, at least many of them. It's this nepotistic society we live in, where people get jobs based on family and connections instead of merit. My sister studied medicine and saw this first hand.

as someone who studied G.I conditions profusely i can attest that the GP level now is astoundingly low. Mine even admitted i know much more than he does...

 

[mediocre]

Mate this fucking shit ruined my life, i even went private and paid around 8k so far, i kept saying over and fucking over again that my body responds very poorly to the hernia and its putting my body in stress/anxiety response mode and is causing pain, the cunts just did nothing and said to my face "nah you cant feel it" then after a year of fucking agony and a now ridiculous out of control somatic anxiety disorder 24/7 they finally agree i might be right but then corona happened and i have to wait for surgery and go through surgery in this mess, absolute cunting disgrace of a medical system we have, NO ONE listens. I will swear until my dying day that this hernia for whatever unlucky reason set off my autonomic fight or flight and has nothing whatsoever to do with me conciously, im legit extraordinarily resilient and have never added any fear or anxious thinking at all despite the absolute carnage its caused.


as someone who studied G.I conditions profusely i can attest that the GP level now is astoundingly low. Mine even admitted i know much more than he does...

That's unbelivable what did you spend the 8k on if you haven't had any surgery yet?! They absolutely do not take haitus hernia seriously I was told I have a large one but I should just "eat less". Eating or drinking the wrong thing can cause vomiting for days. It causes breathing problems. Contant pain or discomfort. It's really really bad and still they say it's not that serious and can be controlled with lifestyle changes. I can relate to nobody listening, I assuming from how bad you're describing the healthcare system you are in the UK also? It's absolute sh*te here.

 

[willitpass]

Complex PTSD, mild OCD, some eating disorder behavior, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder and i suffer from some panic attacks. I also have non-epileptic psychosomatic seizures and acid reflux as well. nothing is going well for me

 

[ceelo]

That's unbelivable what did you spend the 8k on if you haven't had any surgery yet?! They absolutely do not take haitus hernia seriously I was told I have a large one but I should just "eat less". Eating or drinking the wrong thing can cause vomiting for days. It causes breathing problems. Contant pain or discomfort. It's really really bad and still they say it's not that serious and can be controlled with lifestyle changes. I can relate to nobody listening, I assuming from how bad you're describing the healthcare system you are in the UK also? It's absolute sh*te here.

2 ct scans, endoscopy, manometry, 24 hr hd manometry, a bunch of consultations at 200 quid a pop etc, trust me they know fuck all or pretend to when hernias are concerned and yes UK here... the size isnt actually as relevant as they pretend either, tiny ones can be equally as horrendous due to the pinching on nerves etc which is what mine is, frustratingly i spoke to a clinic in usa with specialist and they knew exactly what i was saying whilst here the model is only ever concerned with ONLY acid reflux as if they do nothing else, its bumfuck retarded, its taken me a year and a half amost and becoming very very ill with stress which has caused other problems to finally get these stupid fucking retards to admit my theory is right, i mean fuck me hernia interfering with vagus nerve is not rocket science..... in my case im sure its whats causing the motility issue to through either the vagus or through silent reflux..... the goodnews is i did finally speak to surgeon and guess what? no problem whatsoever no argument hes happy to do the job and knew what i was saying, bad news is it'll cost me a lot and i have to wait til corona shit fucks off. I was a fucking athlete before this shit and it reduced me to nothing, of course the fat cunt doctor has no idea why an athlete will be more sensitive to something that effects his fucking breathing, infuriating. In other weird news if im right and the surgery does as i hope the gastro said i'll be written up into medical literature and can name the condition.... not bad for someone with no qualifications on paper...

 

[mediocre]

2 ct scans, endoscopy, manometry, 24 hr hd manometry, a bunch of consultations at 200 quid a pop etc, trust me they know fuck all or pretend to when hernias are concerned and yes UK here... the size isnt actually as relevant as they pretend either, tiny ones can be equally as horrendous due to the pinching on nerves etc which is what mine is, frustratingly i spoke to a clinic in usa with specialist and they knew exactly what i was saying whilst here the model is only ever concerned with ONLY acid reflux as if they do nothing else, its bumfuck retarded, its taken me a year and a half amost and becoming very very ill with stress which has caused other problems to finally get these stupid fucking retards to admit my theory is right, i mean fuck me hernia interfering with vagus nerve is not rocket science..... in my case im sure its whats causing the motility issue to through either the vagus or through silent reflux..... the goodnews is i did finally speak to surgeon and guess what? no problem whatsoever no argument hes happy to do the job and knew what i was saying, bad news is it'll cost me a lot and i have to wait til corona shit fucks off. I was a fucking athlete before this shit and it reduced me to nothing, of course the fat cunt doctor has no idea why an athlete will be more sensitive to something that effects his fucking breathing, infuriating. In other weird news if im right and the surgery does as i hope the gastro said i'll be written up into medical literature and can name the condition.... not bad for someone with no qualifications on paper...

Were all those tests carried out to find out what was wrong? you didn't know you had the hernia before all these tests? tha't's unreal. I have been through similar experiences to you with doctors and my GP they are absolutely clueless. I had to take it upon myself to go get myself checked with an endoscopy at the hospital. This took over 3 months. I was just given a leaflet by the nurse after the endoscopy explaining what the hernia was. That's it. No help whatsoever. I'm sorry you've had to wait so long and spend so much money just to be listened to! I am hoping to get private surgery myself at some point. But I know I'm in for a long road ahead and it's going to cost a small fortune!

 

[Plainjane]

Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and it's comorbidities. Basically I have joint, tissue laxity and hypermobility. That means I dislocate some joints, I have issues with basically anything that has collagen. Cartilage, skin, digestive system, ligaments, tissues, spine...etc. That means my muscles have to work extra time to keep my body from totally collapsing. It really went down hill for me the last 1.5 years and it gets worse every day. I'm at my wits end, and I don't really wanna die, but It's hard to keep up with everything, and I don't wanna live in this meaningless, and hopeless existence. I was a capable man, but something happened and I developed wide spread nerve issues that is stemming from my neck that is called cranio-cervical instability that there is no solution that I can think of. I also suffer from extreme brainfog which makes things harder. I really hope I will find some sort of an avenue to improve, but for the time being I got SN in my drawer. Sigh.

Hi, i suffer from the same syndrome as well~

 

[BridgeJumper]

Theres so much shit, I dont know how am I even functioning - thats 6 years of drug abuse and self induced starvation for me

The worst ones tho is the insane vertigo I always get at least 1 - 2 hours a day and sometimes 24/7 where I cant move my head without throwing up, walk on my all fours and feel like Im in a fucking timelapse with all my surroundings just going whooosh, and my insane sound sensitivity that makes tv, kettles, radios, closing doors sound like certified ear rape from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, and both combined make me cry out of hopelessness andwant to fucking pull my hair out.

Which is why Im relapsing and fucked up err'day now.

 

[BlackPoppet]

I have Chronic sleep onset insomnia. For 22 years. I lost the ability to sleep. I was under a lot of stress. My friend screwed me over and got her friends to threaten my life. I had death threats and as a consequence I felt unsafe and stopped sleeping. I haven't been able to fall asleep naturally since. I'd been through a lot before that, I internalised it all , and it all piled up. The death threats were the icing on the cake. I now cannot sleep with out medication. My doctor says it is incurable. I am not normal, I can't function like a normal human. I am defective. This condition has ruined my life, sapped the joy from life, made me want to self delete, ruined my relationships, made me psychotic and contributed to my panic attacks and depression. It has given me extreme anxiety too. It has sapped my unwavering resilience, it's given me a despair that chokes me. I am almost agoraphobic when I haven't slept. I can't clean my flat, and I can't work.
I would like to say that if anyone has this condition, you aren't alone and you can always PM me for support.

 

[raindrops]

All I am is heartbroken and lonely. When I read about people having serious illness mental or physical I feel really bad/guilty for wanting to ctb just because I'm heartbroken! Sure I'm depressed but not severely (yet) I think I'm getting worse each day, lock down or no lock down I'd still feel this way. I'm so sure there is nothing to live for.

They say you're the creator of your own happiness but I am fed up being alone! I'm scared to do anything alone, I'm scared to be a proper adult, have a proper job, have my own place, pay bills, feed myself, I'm so scared, worried, frightened at the thought of being independent (I'm 27 this year!)
I'm scared of rejection and I'm scared to love again because of this pain I feel now since losing my first love. I've been single 3 months, I'm so pathetic I feel like nothing without someone there to love me. 11 years of being with that person everyday, so many memories just gone, a friendship gone, a love gone, everything gone!... I feel so numb.
This all might be just a phase in my life but what if I've lost the true love of my life, what happens next in my life scares me.
I just want to find peace & happiness.

 

[ceelo]

Were all those tests carried out to find out what was wrong? you didn't know you had the hernia before all these tests? tha't's unreal. I have been through similar experiences to you with doctors and my GP they are absolutely clueless. I had to take it upon myself to go get myself checked with an endoscopy at the hospital. This took over 3 months. I was just given a leaflet by the nurse after the endoscopy explaining what the hernia was. That's it. No help whatsoever. I'm sorry you've had to wait so long and spend so much money just to be listened to! I am hoping to get private surgery myself at some point. But I know I'm in for a long road ahead and it's going to cost a small fortune!

Worse, i told them i had a hernia i could just sense it because im in tune with my body, he did endoscopy and MISSED the hernia (not bad for 1500 quid), he told me nothings there so i pushed on knowing there was and they would only meet me half way with a heart ct scan? so i was like whatever along it can see the area and guess what? they FOUND a hernia in the ct scan....... so i then i was like "told you" and they switched to "small ones don't usually cause problems it must be something else, you should go on citalopram!" fuck me. I now also have a pancreatic insufficiency from chronic stress... i knew that to, i had terrible pain left of belly button, pancreatic then so GP says "its just anxiety!!!!" i got a private test done on shit in german lab which found i had insufficiency and now it gets really funny, i go to the gastroenterologist and hes like hmm lets redo the test in our lab!! same result and then "ok lets do a CT scan" i said "you won't find anything wrong with the pancreas its caused by chronic stress due to the hernia issue and how its affecting my autonomic response" he laughed .. "no n o i suspect we will find small calcification spots on the pancreas" guess who was right???? yeah me again so after 14 months of 24/7 squallid suffering an having to stop doing nigh on everything he finally admits i might be right and forwarded me to the surgeon i asked for 9 months ago. Oh btw my advice to anyone fuck the endoscopy, chances of you having h.pylori are low so get a barium swallow, demand it! as this will give real diagnostics on hernias.