what can i even do at this point

[cupcakescatsand]

I can't go on like this. I was cursed with the most unfortunate life since birth and i genuinely feel so unlucky all the time. From getting sexually assaulted multiple times in my life by different family members and being shamed into staying quiet about it, to being genuinely ugly (and i'm not exaggerating), and having zero friends. On top of all that, my family is poor and i had to move to my grandmas house at 14 because we had no room in my house for me and all my siblings. I'm the only girl and i never had any privacy growing up and i never felt pretty or feminine because i grew up around boys. Ive been begging my mom to let me get a nose job since i was 6 and to fix my droopy eyelid since i was 15. I know this sounds vain and like such a non-issue but if my life sucks, id at least want to be pretty. if im pretty i could easily make friends, or not have to worry about being weird or judged. I've had social anxiety since such a young age because i was so scared of showing my face. I am genuinely that unfortunate looking. I also starved myself and become anorexic at the age of 10 because i wanted to lose all my curves after being sexually assaulted. I'm so behind in life, just wallowing in misery in my bedroom every day while everyone else around me is getting better and improving in life. But i just feel so stuck. Even the people who were at the lowest of lowest in life got better and i'm still here, getting worse. I hate my life and i don't know why i had to be cursed like this. My face is all kinds of fucked up, and i look even worse with makeup on. Trust me, i've tried everything to be pretty. I'm just not. I don't deserve any of this, i wish i had at least ONE thing going for me but i don't. i have nothing. nothing can save me or fix my life and i honestly don't want to live this life. i hate it and i hate myself so much i just want to die so bad. I really did try to get better by learning makeup, forcing myself to socialize and go out, picking up on hobbies, etc etc.. but really nothing can fix how fucked up my life has been since the beginning. i actually think this is my destiny. i'm literally destined to live a miserable life then die.