What can I do to make my death easier on my sister?

[xXiloveyouXx]

Friends, my parents, exes, whatever. Imagining their reactions towards my passing doesn't make me feel anything at all. I know they'll be fine. My sister however is the only person in my life who I truly care about, and I know she's going to be devastated when she finds out what I did. I've already taken some precautions to minimize the damage I'm going to have to inflict on her.

I'm planning on leaving a note in the kitchen saying to call the police and to not look in my room under any circumstances.
I've written out a note to her emphasizing that this is something I'm doing entirely of my own free will because I know I can never be okay or satisfied in this life, most of the note is telling her that I love her and it's not her fault, and not to feel guilty for one second.
Any belongings that I care about- my art, personal momentos, photos and anything else are also going to be left to her.
We've been hanging out a lot over the past 6 months or so. I've been trying my best to make as many memories together as I can.

Despite all of this nothing can ease how guilty I feel knowing that my death may alter her life forever. I know if our roles were reversed and she killed herself that I wouldn't be able to recover. The thought that in the not too distant future she'll become the older sibling also makes me want to cry. Is there nothing I can do to make this any easier on her? I wish that I had money or something that I could leave to help her through life but I don't even have any.

And at the same time, it's not fair for me to make her the sole motivation for continuing to live, that's selfish and also actually getting into creepy territory. It's nobody's responsibility to be the thing that keeps you from killing yourself. So maybe I'm doing something ethical by choosing to die???

 

[Zikelir]

your sister is probably gonna be deeply affected, because losing someone you love changes people permanently sometimes. and honestly i don't think there's really a perfect note or way to prepare her that would fully take that pain away. the fact you care this much about protecting her tho kinda shows there's still a part of you that really values that connection with her.

also the future you're imagining for both yourself and her isn't guaranteed. a lot of people who survive suicidal periods end up realizing the pain they thought would never stop actually did change over time, even if it didn't feel possible back then. honestly your sister probably needs the chance to still have you alive more than she needs a goodbye letter from you.