Discussion What best describes your state of mind when you found this forum? Poll

[Forever Sleep]

I'm curious. How would describe your state of mind when you discovered this place? Were you actively looking for methods? Why were you looking for it in the first place? I'm guessing the majority of people are actively suicidal when they type in enough of a specific search to find a forum such as this but, perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps, since the increase in media publicity, non suicidal people find it too.

Do you suppose pro-lifers truly believe that people just stumble on it and get lured in and coaxed to kill themselves? I suppose my other hope is to dispell that myth (if it even exists.) I imagine most people are already sucidal to some degree before looking for this place. They don't just find themselves here after all! They searched for it and likely had to wade through the top most results containing help lines.

 

[rozeske]

This is what I never understand too. How someone accidently finds this place and is lured in to leaving a life they were otherwise content with. It's the same argument they make when a young user commits and the same one when it's older ones. It just doesn't make sense to me how a forum tricks you in to killing yourself.

 

[Namelesa]

I first found this place cus I was curious how it actually was (first learned about it from a video on YouTube) but mostly to know more effective ways to ctb if life gets too much for me. I now also like being here cus I don't feel alone in my views of suicide.

Most people are going to find this website cus they are already wanting to potentially commit suicide or want a place to interact with that thinks suicide is a valid option or they are really curious what the website is like from the bad publicity. No one that isn't already suicidal before interacting with this website is going to kill themselves.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I was actively suicidal when I first found this forum as I was sick and tired of all of the suicide method censorship that occurred within the media and I was hoping that perhaps there would be that one method that people haven't took into account and that I could easily access. There is SN but it isn't something that I can easily access.

 

[Forever Sleep]

This is what I never understand too. How someone accidently finds this place and is lured in to leaving a life they were otherwise content with. It's the same argument they make when a young user commits and the same one when it's older ones. It just doesn't make sense to me how a forum tricks you in to killing yourself.

It's because they see us as a cult I suppose. Plus, some have this weird idea that the longer term members here ( that would be me now too) are some sort of bad actors getting a thrill out of coaching others to die. Which is so sick. I've actually gotten to a point where I'm not all that comfortable on goodbye threads. Mostly because I have no idea what to say that doesn't sound like encouragement but doesn't sound pro-life either. 'I hope you find peace' is sounding so tired to me now but I've no idea what else to put.

Maybe they think people find the forum in what would/ should be a temporary depression but then, they just get dragged down further. I don't think that's impossible. I would agree that it can be an echo-chamber. Still- I think that assumes we are totally non self aware.

I've known plenty of members leave the forum, move over into recovery, take a break, because they recognised that they weren't quite gelling with the negative vibes here so much. That they wanted to give recovery a uninhibited shot. Which is good and people as far as I've seen have always wished them the best. I find it insulting personally to be considered vulnerable or gullible to that extent but, I suppose it's possible.

Really though, I think it's maybe that it's less painful for the relatives of those who have taken their own lives to believe it was outside influencers that pushed them to do it. (It probably was- just- not from here. It's our problematic lives that pushed us this far.) Rather than it being something the person took time to think through and do- even though they realised it would hurt those left behind.

I think that's the crux of it though. They don't want to blame the person they loved for (knowingly) leaving them with this pain. They'd rather blame someone else who 'made them do it'. Even if it's more abstract than that. Depression 'made them do it. That wasn't them.'

That could be true to an extent but, did it have such a hold on them that they could no longer reason at all? I actually doubt it. More that they absolutely hated the fact it would hurt their loved ones but, they just hoped they would forgive them because of the amount of pain they were in themselves. And more- that they'd probably already fought like mad to stop the pain but couldn't, so suicide became their only way out.

 

[Yume Nikki]

A bit of relief that I can actually vent/express my feelings about being suicidal without the fear of getting banned or censored like other social media platforms do. Also don't have to worry about the police showing up on my doorstep and locking me up in a mental hospital for talking about why I want to ctb.

 

[outrider567]

Actively, it had been over two months by then, when I finally found this priceless site

 

[Gl1tch3d G1rl]

I picked other because I were the "crying for help" kind of suicidal back then. At the time I still believed someone would take me seriously if they just saw how much pain I were in. When you're desperate you just want to believe there is help so badly, even when there clearly isn't. I also partially came here for support tbh.

 

[pointblank]

If you want to dispel the myth, then I had already made an attempt even before coming here. I was looking for other methods since my last one didn't work so well (downed 2 1/2 glasses of bleach, ended puking it out).

 

[dontwakemeup]

If you want to dispel the myth, then I had already made an attempt even before coming here. I was looking for other methods since my last one didn't work so well (downed 2 1/2 glasses of bleach, ended puking it out).

I want to be crystal clear when I say this, I've had several failed attempts prior to me finding this site also. I was previously on this site for months and deleted my account. I initially found this site from YouTube. After so many failed attempts, I was on a crusade to find the perfect plan. The YouTube video implied this site would give me the resources and cheer me on as I planned another escape because i was definitely active again. That video was so misleading and so far from the truth!

Since I've been here I've only had 1 failed attempt and before I could do the 2nd one I had a 5150. If only I knew about this site before my initial attempt I actually could have saved myself so much wasted time and energy as seen my attempts were pointless and never would have worked. I'm passive now as I have learned there aren't many reliable methods available in my grasps, but if I had a certain pill in my hand, I'd be gone for good. I stay now and vent, listen, and its helpful being surrounded by so many people who understand and have a lot of the same views.

I think pro-lifers come to "see" what we are doing in here lol. I think some may come because they have loss someone to suicide and looking for answers. This site is not what I initially expected but I'm glad I found it. It's very therapeutic for me. I'm just happy we have a safe place to come without judgement or being at risk for psych holds. I don't know what I'd do if this site ever closes down. I think if this site closes down, I would definitely feel alone and more at risk for another attempt, actually I would attempt again!

 

[SmilingNoMore]

Active and ready. Would not have found this this site by accident for sure. I was desperate to find methods and searched for pacts, thinking there must be people like me looking for the same online. I didn't know what to expect, but I'm very grateful to have stumbled upon this forum.

I don't see how pro-lifers can be so naive as to think anyone is lured in. Perhaps if they've never been suicidal, they couldn't understand and may blame outside factors.

 

[gloomurai]

Passively, I originally found this website over a year ago now but always hesitated to do more than just scrolling. I didn't randomly stumble on it, I wanted to find somewhere I belonged.

I used to be active but now have the fear of hurting someone else by ctb. I'm engaged and they love me but my issues cause me to spiral so I end up here, looking for people with similar problems. I do not want to be a tiring partner and have them constantly worrying that one day I will ctb. My reason for living is simply them. I also don't exactly have grasp of any methods at the moment anyway.

I was not lured here, I had many factors that pushed me to wanting to find a release. I believe people can't accept the fact they could've been a factor and blame everything else or just "don't understand". Most people are born to idolize this world so to find people like us are grouped here could seem "unreal"?

 

[Shiru]

In that time I spent so many hours in my laptop doing whatever then I got to dark web and I was just clicking anything just to be curious and I found this forum since that time I often come here even just to read, this site helped me a lot.

 

[kenma0]

i wanted to find a community that was sort of like this one. other communities always seem to stem away from talking about suicide raw like this one. im passively suicidal. i dont have a plan but i know my method of choice would probably be SN after reading about it on here. ive heard of this site before but had no idea it was still active... everyone here seems really lovely

 

[Fritz]

Initially voted "Depressed" but should have upgraded to "Passive". I've followed Dereck Humphrey for years, going back to the Hemlock Society, so I guess it was inevitable that I would find this site.

Found this while dealing with my mom in a nursing home and watching her slowly decay. That can put you in a dark place. Somehow this website has helped me cope.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Initially voted "Depressed" but should have upgraded to "Passive". I've followed Dereck Humphrey for years, going back to the Hemlock Society, so I guess it was inevitable that I would find this site.

Found this while dealing with my mom in a nursing home and watching her slowly decay. That can put you in a dark place. Somehow this website has helped me cope.

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum. I briefly worked in a care setting and I know how sad it is to see people deteriorate. They weren't relatives but it still really got to me. I'm glad you've found some comfort here. I have also.

 

[destinationlosangel]

when i joined this forum, i felt an immediate sense of relief knowing i could now try n exit without resorting to methods that i would have chosen out of ignorance.

Honestly this forum has given me so much. I met some amazing people here and i lost some of them too. I have to thank sasu for being alive, as weird as that may seem.