• Hey Guest,

    As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. The UK and OFCOM has singled out this community and have been focusing its censorship efforts here. It takes a good amount of resources to maintain the infrastructure for our community and to resist this censorship. We would appreciate any and all donations.

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F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,348
Yea I have been wasting entire days sitting inside and watching YouTube and cannot get moving it's ridiculous. I just can't get excited about nothing. When did things get so hard?
 
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L

Lost

Member
Apr 18, 2018
88
Yup the same. Shit another day . Why do I have to wake up
 
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A

AtLast

Member
Jul 16, 2018
32
you remember when you use to have those dreams that you woke up from and thank god it was just a dream and feel that awesome sense of relief because none of it really happened. Its like the opposite of that now I wake up and realize that my reality is worse than any nightmare I could have. Usually my first thoughts are oh my god this isnt a dream this is my life then the anxiety hits then the depression.
That's real. Sometimes (or most of the times) being asleep is better. My bad dreams don't even come close to reality. I have dreams that me and my fiancé are still together. Then I wake up and spend the next 5 minutes wondering if we are. The realization, when it sets in, is undefined. Yes, it does build through out the day. Meditation helps some.
 
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mattwitt

mattwitt

# 978
Jun 28, 2018
2,307
I hope my N comes in the mail today!
 
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M

Mecha Man

Experienced
Jul 16, 2018
230
I totally feel the same way. I long for night so I can go to bed. I used to be a very active dreamer, but after I took meds my dreams seem more distant and confusing to me, even though I've been off the meds for about half a year now. I liked dreaming, nay, I loved it. Even if they weren't the best dreams, they were certainly better than reality in every way. I still go to bed longing for dreams, but I'm having a harder time remembering them now. I get this feeling that I did dream, but for the life of me cannot remember what it was. It's sad.

I wake up in the morning and it takes me a couple of seconds to realize where I am, and when I realize I'm still here I often feel the tears coming up and I cry or sob for a while. Then, my overwhelming urge to go pee takes over and I go pee like a zombie, oftentimes crying as I walk over to the bathroom. After a while I muster up the courage to go down to the kitchen and make myself a coffee, and then I come sit in front of the computer all day long until the night comes.

I'm the exact opposite. I kind of fear going to bed because I'm afraid of laying in bed thinking about things. Although in the morning I'm generally unhappy too. But the first thing I do is plop down in front of my computer and start trying to occupy myself.
 
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A

AtLast

Member
Jul 16, 2018
32
I'm the exact opposite. I kind of fear going to bed because I'm afraid of laying in bed thinking about things. Although in the morning I'm generally unhappy too. But the first thing I do is plop down in front of my computer and start trying to occupy myself.
YouTube! I find something interesting I like, then pop in the ear buds and focus on that. Not music. My emotions can't handle that. But it Works great.
 
M

Mecha Man

Experienced
Jul 16, 2018
230
YouTube! I find something interesting I like, then pop in the ear buds and focus on that. Not music. My emotions can't handle that. But it Works great.

I don't think I could fall asleep with noise going on.... plus, it'd be uncomfortable to sleep with things in my ears; I'm real particular about that kind of thing
 
shin

shin

Member
Jul 11, 2018
9
"oh no" and then it's just seconds until the suicidal thoughts kick in
 
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A

AtLast

Member
Jul 16, 2018
32
I was too. Understand. It's like beer, for me. You may not like the taste, but after a while, it's all you want to drink. Not for everyone. You could try a warm bath, but it's too quiet for my thought to take over.
 
Lara Francis

Lara Francis

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,627
Shit not again.!
A sense of doom then engulfs my mind.
 
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M

Mecha Man

Experienced
Jul 16, 2018
230
You guys are all so morbid... It's kind of comforting : D
 
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not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Archangel
Mar 23, 2018
9,553
I completely dread waking up in the morning and basically tell myself "Oh God, not another day in this hellhole!" after I go to sleep the night before knowing that I feel finally get some hours of relief from dealing with my problems. Does anyone else feel the same way?

My first thoughts are DAMN !!! & F**K !!!! :(
Another day on this shithole planet. Especially when I haven't gotten much sleep.
 
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not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Archangel
Mar 23, 2018
9,553
I hate waking up so much. Every time I wake up, I'm like...Fuck, I'm in hell again... And often when I'm sleeping, I have horrible nightmares. So I can't even enjoy sleeping 100%. Fuck life. I wish I could just have one sweet dream, forever.

I feel the same … I don't really remember most of my dreams but I wish I could have one sweet dream forever. ;)
I just have Daymares … I guess most people call it life. I call it my Lifemare. :(
 
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PhilistineEars

PhilistineEars

Member
Jul 1, 2018
62
Fuck, I'm alive...
 
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Threads

Threads

Warlock
Jul 13, 2018
721
'I'm awake, great. Let's get this day over with.'
 
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T

Tiburcio

Guest
I have so many nightmares that I can't think clearly.
 
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BurningLights

BurningLights

He killed himself with his own mind
Jul 2, 2018
709
I go to bed hoping, to be honest, that I will wake up, like a new person, with enthusiasm and glee, I long for this person, and that hurts even more, when I do wake up, it's ...disappointment, that no matter what I do, I can't escape who I am.
 
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S

Santiago

Mage
Mar 25, 2018
588
I am surprised you all seem to have these thoughts.

I just feel/think nothing.

I am just in survival mode with the same routines every day.
 
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S

ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
I don't get much sleep at night due to anxiety, but when I do sleep, I hate waking up and finding myself back in this reality. It's the most depressing feeling ever. Especially when waking up from a good dream only to realize it wasn't real and that I'm back in hell.
 
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ultraviolet sin

ultraviolet sin

RUDEBOY
Jul 17, 2018
93
Today is happening? Shit. I need to stay focused.
 
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ultraviolet sin

ultraviolet sin

RUDEBOY
Jul 17, 2018
93
I don't get much sleep at night due to anxiety, but when I do sleep, I hate waking up and finding myself back in this reality. It's the most depressing feeling ever. Especially when waking up from a good dream only to realize it wasn't real and that I'm back in hell.

I wake up from soo many good dreams, which is I guess, a good way to pass 12 hours.
 
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T

Thinkinaboutit

Member
Jul 9, 2018
16
Lately I've been waking up with headaches, possibly due to sleep apnea and/or sleep apnea. Or maybe stress induced or too much strain on my neck. The headaches recede once I get up. I found myself this morning wishing the headaches were a sign of a tumor or something slightly less serious. In some ways im probably calmer in the morning than at other times of the day because triggers for my anxiety and hopelessness usually haven't presented themselves yet though sometimes a feeling of dread of further struggles of trying to function is present.
 
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