Discussion What are your reasons to ctb?

[Cjaf]

Depressed for way too long. Shit ton of therapy and I'm still miserable. Even if I do decide to stay alive and things will get a little better, I'll never be happy. The idea of living another 50yrs and having to deal with mental health issues for the rest of my life, scares me. Why struggle for another 50 years if I'll only have a 'meh' life that's tolerable but not good, happy or fun.

 

[Wallace]

I have no reason to leave my house or get out of bed in the morning. I have been unemployed for years despite lots of higher ed. I can't get a job without experience, and I can't get experience without a job. Therapy and medication have not worked.

 

[BadRNG]

There's nothing wrong with being gay. I don't know your circumstances, but if it's because of your family you feel like that, don't pay them attention and as soon as you can have independence leave your home. Being gay is okay, and when you can have your freedom you'll see it.

I am sorry but being gay IS NOT okay. You can call me a homophobe or whatever, but i want to be normal. Never been with a boy before and girls don't do it for me, which is ABNORMAL. Because of this lgtbtqjfuwbri++=*]^{ community, there is no one trying to find a solution.

 

[TeenIdle]

I am sorry but being gay IS NOT okay. You can call me a homophobe or whatever, but i want to be normal. Never been with a boy before and girls don't do it for me, which is ABNORMAL. Because of this lgtbtqjfuwbri++=*]^{ community, there is no one trying to find a solution.

I'm sorry you got instilled that being gay is wrong, you were born like that and there is nothing you can do about it because it's not a disease, it's just another sexuality. You should accept yourself so you can find happiness, otherwise you will always live in sorrow because you can't change who you are...

 

[BadRNG]

I'm sorry you got instilled that being gay is wrong, you were born like that and there is nothing you can do about it because it's not a disease, it's just another sexuality. You should accept yourself so you can find happiness, otherwise you will always live in sorrow because you can't change who you are...

Everyone thinks we are disgusting, they aren't wrong tho , how can boys like other boys. How am I supposed to accept being weird, literally all cultures and religions are against it, no way the whole of humanity is wrong?

 

[FreedomInDeath]

Mental illnesses, being unattractive, not skilled, lonely, i hate society and probably vice versa, poor, recluse, envy of those who have more, the pointlessness of a miserable life. The basics. It makes me angry how people try to find meaning in pain, there is no meaning. Humans are wired to find any reason to survive though.

Everyone thinks we are disgusting, they aren't wrong tho , how can boys like other boys. How am I supposed to accept being weird, literally all cultures and religions are against it, no way the whole of humanity is wrong?

Being gay is not bad. At least you don't have anything worse like bestiality or worse.

 

[BadRNG]

Mental illnesses, being unattractive, not skilled, lonely, i hate society and probably vice versa, poor, recluse, envy of those who have more, the pointlessness of a miserable life. The basics. It makes me angry how people try to find meaning in pain, there is no meaning. Humans are wired to find any reason to survive though.

Being gay is not bad. At least you don't have anything worse like bestiality or worse.

It's funny how you said (you don't have something WORSE, indicating that's its bad) I like your honesty, which apparently no one has anymore, people only say good things about gay people in public just to look good, funny thing is that they don't know I am gay so I hear all the shit with no filter :)
I really don't have motivation to do anything anymore , I should be studying right now but I cant concentrate. Life is over.

 

[FreedomInDeath]

It's funny how you said (you don't have something WORSE, indicating that's its bad) I like your honesty, which apparently no one has anymore, people only say good things about gay people in public just to look good, funny thing is that they don't know I am gay so I hear all the shit with no filter :)
I really don't have motivation to do anything anymore , I should be studying right now but I cant concentrate. Life is over.

I genuinly do not think being homosexual is a bad thing. It just is. I read somewhere it could have actually been an evolutionary tactic to help prevent overpopulation. So in theory it is a good thing. I am not trying to placate you, your opinion of yourself is valid because it is your own.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

As the Stanhope character says in the Louis episode, the worst thing is not even wanting anything anymore.

I feel like that. First it was frustration, now it's lack of desire for anything; but most of us still have to work. Life just doesn't seem worth the struggle anymore to sustain it.

 

[CarefulWithThatAxe]

Borderline Personality Disorder

 

[TeenIdle]

Everyone thinks we are disgusting, they aren't wrong tho , how can boys like other boys. How am I supposed to accept being weird, literally all cultures and religions are against it, no way the whole of humanity is wrong?

Not everyone thinks we are disgusting. Before the appeareance of christianity and all religions, being homosexual was normal. Nowadays you can get married with someone of your same sex in many countries and can adopt and live a normal life. Many people are racist and are against black people, should black people die or something because they are not normal for those people?
Just try to accept yourself, I'm pretty sure you are a precious person and deserve to live a happy life

 

[Lutembëe]

A weariness of living in spite of my young age, and I can no longer bear my psychiatric disorders. I also have a great fear of the future that paralyses me. I suffer a lot from it and I want to put an end to it.

 

[Deleted member 14573]

1. I did something to myself that I'm too shy to talk about. I didn't mean for it to go haywire but it did. When I tried to fix it I made it worse. That's what finally brought me here. I have one last chance to make it a bit better (I'll be happy if it improves by 50%) in the coming months (but covid-19 might put that on hold and I can't wait for long). If I make it even worse I will KILL myself for sure.

2. My mental health problem. I refuse to take medication and I just get therapy. If I take medication I strongly believe I will have additional problems. Therapy is helping me and if it were not for the tragic events that took place this year I would manage it a lot better.

3. I had a failed overdose attempt (rookie mistake) that has given me lasting liver damage. I am lucky that is wasn't too bad. But I get intermittent abdominal pain and fatigue that interferes with my day to day life.

If it were not for #1, then I could have a good and happy life. I just can't get over it. That's why it is my absolute priority to fix it. Things are getting in my way but I will try to find ways around them. However I could also make it worse, and that would be too painful for me to live with. I would definitely kill myself it that's the outcome.

 

[PainfulGut]

I have gut problems that won't let up and they're causing my depression to come back harsher than it's ever been. I have anhedonia now and I no longer care if I don't have a future. Every day is either painful or painfully dull. I never feel rested, and am filled with dread every morning as the prospect of having to do it all again another day.

I will not do it until I've tried to cure this though. I only hope the medical and therapy teams can move fast enough, I find the only productive thing I can do right now is plan my suicide - it brings me peace to do so.

 

[AcornUnderground]

Everyone thinks we are disgusting, they aren't wrong tho , how can boys like other boys. How am I supposed to accept being weird, literally all cultures and religions are against it, no way the whole of humanity is wrong?

This is absolutely untrue!!! Being gay is incredibly OK! If for some reason your local environment makes you feel differently, then move.

 

[BadRNG]

This is absolutely untrue!!! Being gay is incredibly OK! If for some reason your local environment makes you feel differently, then move.

That's very nice of you but reality is different, most of my peers are boys so I know how normal boys think.

 

[AcornUnderground]

That's very nice of you but reality is different, most of my peers are boys so I know how normal boys think.

I have a lot of brothers, many male friends and I've had lots of boyfriends. I've had lots of conversations about "what do you think of people that are gay" in one form or another. Out of 50, maybe 1-2 have issues with it. And I live in the middle of Midwest. My son is probably gay. I literally do not care. You may need to change your environment.
I've also had many gay friends - for a decade I lived in a rather gay area and I worked at a summer camp that attracted many gay counselors for several years. It was ALL OK.

 

[sadgirl2002]

A life full of constant pain, failure and misery. I wasn't made for this life, nothing ever went right for me. I've lost everything, I'm simply a loser and nothing more. I will never get the happy family I wanted with my parents, it's a broken dream and I lived in delusion all those years. I think about the younger me and I never thought for a second that I would become like this. It breaks my heart so badly. I've been through so much since I came to this world by my parents, my family, everyone at school and my so-called friends but nothing hurts more than what my life has become since 2017. My past is haunting me and the voices in my head are trying to kill me and I know that one day, I will let it. I'm tired, so tired, of all the pain and sorrow I've faced. Not a single good thing happened in my life and any small "good" thing simply didn't last. I suffered from hair loss, extreme stress and I lost my religion, which I cherished more than my life itself. I also feel like I got brain damage since 2017 because I started to forget things so easily and it takes so long for me to process things. I noticed this change, I was always so smart and very quick to understand things. I simply cannot believe in God, He doesn't exist, not after everything that has happened to me. It's my 21st birthday on Sunday, when I was in school, I imagined my life extremely different than how it is now. My life was doomed before it even began, I was sad since childhood. My parents both have health problems and I have my mental illnesses, what's left of me now? I've been nothing but miserable throughout my entire life. I should have ended it at 13 or even at 19 when I was ready to end my life with partial suspension hanging. I'm ugly, worthless and vile. Everyone used me and betrayed me and after that, they left me. They all did. It's all my fault anyway. I've been alone my entire life even though I was around people and now and for the past few years, everyone is gone. The loneliness is killing me. I have an extreme hatred towards myself, I simply cannot live with what I've become. I never got anything I wanted and I didn't even ask for much. I've been depressed, suicidal and I've had bad anxiety since childhood. I also have self-diagnosed myself a few years ago with borderline personality disorder, I didn't even know I had the symptoms throughout my whole life until I found out about it. This isn't the life I wanted, I'm absolutely terrified of living even longer. I have no friends and I lost my best friend and sister of 8 years. Sadly, I found out recently that I have eczema, even though that may be a silly reason to be miserable but it's gotten worse. I had such beautiful hands and they're getting more itchy and intolerable! I spent my life in hope and now, 20 years later, I've been through nothing but despair. I've been disappointed and let down by life and people over and over again and I'm done. All I feel is the emptiness, it follows me everywhere I go. I have nothing left of me now. In addition to everything, life is meaningless and vile, it doesn't take a genius to figure that out.

The one I love, my true love and soulmate whom I backed out of suicide for left me before I decided to live for his sake. He's the only thing I'm holding onto, the hope of him coming back and realizing my love for him. That's the ONLY reason I didn't kill myself when I was planning to, over a year ago, he is the only reason I will live. If this one thing doesn't work out the way I want it to, I will end the pain and find my eternal bliss of death.

 

[toomuchtimetodie]

I don't see much hope in my future because I invite pain with open arms. Seems like i can't avoid getting hurt by people and it's my own fault and lack of boundaries. this is the basis of it, but there's also my Body dysmorphic disorder that drains my bank acc. I will always be severely uncomfortable with the way I look and spending your life trying to fix it is a huge mental / financial burden

You know these things so you can fix them friend, and saying you have body dysmorphic disorder means you really don't have it. You sound self defeating and I understand the pressure to look a certain way but what you mention and the way you put it I certainly don't think it's the end for you.

 

[XFallenAngelX]

I have taken human life and it only seems like it's the right thing to do.

 

[Lastyp]

Identity crisis from childhood, waited for long, the life will improve, but tired now

 

[sad_thranduil]

nowhere do i feel at home, nobody understands me, self-hatred, self-doubt, hopelessness, depression, anxiety attacks, obsessive-compulsive disorder and chronic physical problems (tinnitus, skin problems, etc.)