Discussion What are your reasons to ctb?

[Blacksheep93]

Just thought it would be interesting to read peoples stories and compare them to my own.

Usually I am so tired of being depressed that I just feel empty, and I don't think I can truly be happy anymore. I don't see a future for myself in this world.

I believe people should be able to choose when they exit this world, because they were brought into it without a say in the matter. How about you?

 

[Kikoo Loool]

Since childhood: consciousness of the vanity and vacuity of life, very high social anxiety
More recently: betrayal heavy moral harasment from my spouse

 

[NotMeantForHere]

Just thought it would be interesting to read peoples stories and compare them to my own.

Usually I am so tired of being depressed that I just feel empty, and I don't think I can truly be happy anymore. I don't see a future for myself in this world.

I believe people should be able to choose when they exit this world, because they were brought into it without a say in the matter. How about you?

I feel the same exact way

 

[Blacksheep93]

Since childhood: consciousness of the vanity and vacuity of life, very high social anxiety
More recently: betrayal heavy moral harasment from my spouse

How long have you been thinking about this if I may ask?

I've also kinda questioned the concept of being successful in life since I was very young, and I saw no point in it.

I feel the same exact way

You know, I'm pretty happy to hear this. So many people in my life have said that this is not normal so yeah

 

[zeroambition]

Body Dysmorphia, Social Anxiety, Unattractive and having to work 5 stressful days a week every week for the rest of my life to support a life I don't want.
Main reason will be losing my mother but that hasn't happened yet.. We are extremely close that's why I'm not going to ctb until she passes away because it would completely destroy her.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

How long have you been thinking about this if I may ask?

I've also kinda questioned the concept of being successful in life since I was very young, and I saw no point in it.

I'm now at the half of my life according to usual statistics and never in my life seen any point in this concept of success neither.

 

[NotMeantForHere]

Life long mental health issues. I took a metal pole to the head at the age of nine which left me a massive dent on the left side of my head. I just immigrated to the US at the time and people took my inability to communicate for my lack of language skills. However, I also forgot Mandarin during that period despite getting 100/100 on my final exams while I was in China.

I wonder what my life would have been like without the brain damage. I can only imagine the emotional damage it did to people around me who did not understand. I am sure my mood has infected a lot of people for the worst.

I'm so sorry that happened to you

How long have you been thinking about this if I may ask?

I've also kinda questioned the concept of being successful in life since I was very young, and I saw no point in it.

You know, I'm pretty happy to hear this. So many people in my life have said that this is not normal so yeah

Yea, for me it has a lot to do with my family and an upbringing I did not choose. It feels as if I was thrust into this existence and this family with no permission of my own!

 

[TeenIdle]

Body Dysmorphia, Social Anxiety, Unattractive and having to work 5 stressful days a week every week for the rest of my life to support a life I don't want.
Main reason will be losing my mother but that hasn't happened yet.. We are extremely close that's why I'm not going to ctb until she passes away because it would completely destroy her.

I feel so related to you, I have body dysmorphia and social anxiety and going to work is hell, I have a hard time with everyome there, I can't wake up another day, I dont have the energy

 

[Girobatol]

Bipolar disorder gone really bad. In so many meds that make me fell terrible. I haven´t ctb because I don´t want to leave alone my family and an orphan and poor woman that I take care of.

 

[18andlife]

social anxiety which turned into major depression. And nowadays I'm just ready to leave this life to find peace. Unless hell exists, then I'm fucked.

 

[Sans]

I'm ugly.
No friends, no significant others.
Nothing ever goes my way.
There's a saying "you can't always get what you want" but apparently it is possible to NEVER get what you want. Life ruins what little happiness I have, every chance it gets.
There are people who were blessed with good genes (models, singers (good vocal cords), athletes) and they get paid millions of dollars to essentially show off their good genes. Meanwhile, I lost the genetic lottery and I will probably end up flipping burgers at Burger King for $7.25 an hour until my body is rotting in a mass grave somewhere.

 

[mediocre]

Diagnosed with Aspergers at 12 and been suicidal since then but it was somewhat manageable and I could still function somewhat. But physical illnesses have taken their toll the last year or so and I can do nothing now. Just waiting to die...

 

[Justaroguegear]

I don't want to work for 50 more years just to exist. It seems so pointless. Assuming you sleep enough you barely have any free time left, and even then you're too tired. You just get the bare minimum to stay a good worker and that's about it. I didn't chose to exist, it was forced upon me. I have every right to leave. If others are okay living like this, that's fine but then I should be able to die any time I want.

 

[BadRNG]

Being gay.

 

[Deleted member 14386]

I don't have the social skills to live or have any relationships (even friends/colleagues/shopkeepers anyone!). I'm past the point of being able to learn such things without appearing weird. My dad is slightly autistic and a think some of it passed onto me, maybe not genetically but behaviour wise I follow in his footsteps (which do not lead to a good path)

 

[Pryras]

I don't see much hope in my future because I invite pain with open arms. Seems like i can't avoid getting hurt by people and it's my own fault and lack of boundaries. this is the basis of it, but there's also my Body dysmorphic disorder that drains my bank acc. I will always be severely uncomfortable with the way I look and spending your life trying to fix it is a huge mental / financial burden

 

[StillWaiting]

Being awake everyday just tires me.

 

[Alain]

Mostly because I feel constantly sad since I was a child. Even if I loved my family more than everything, I always had this thing inside me making me realize that life is not always love and happiness.
Then I saw my father (I never knew my mother) sick very soon. Diabetes, cancer, Guillain-Barré, the list goes on and on. And almost three years ago he died in suffering and depressed because a sister of mine abandoned him for no good reason at all.
Three weeks ago, I lost my only friend, my dog. He was everything to me, he was the reason why I didn't CTB. He needed me and his presence made my pain like if it was behind me most of the time. A lymphoma took him and broke everything in my soul. Now I have absolutely zero obligation to endure all that pain and I can end it. I'm just trying to find an effective and painless way to do it and I will sleep forever. As I'm a lazy guy, I will be happy to go to an endless sleep.

 

[Gellar]

I've had depression since I was 10 - possibly younger - although I didn't know what I was feeling was depression until I was 26 (grew up with a physically and verbally abusive mother). So, bad coping skills, bad relationship patterning, messed up brain. Plus chronic disease since I was 17 and nearly dying twice from it when I was 26.

I've thought about suicide since as long as I can remember - like, back to 10, at least - but over the last few years it's become much worse. A couple of years ago I got put in the psych ward by my new psychiatrist and spending four days without any distractions gave me a massive chance to see how pointless my life is. Things have been really really bad since then. I was really lucky that I had a great psychologist who kinda helped me stumble along - and who was never judgmental about my suicidality, and who knows how tired I am of life - but since being in the ward I stopped being able to work (totally overwhelmed by people and life) so had to close my business, so no income, and so I'm not financially viable as a person. My psychologist had to leave his job because it was starting to break him, so it's been six weeks since I talked to someone. I don't have any friends or family. I'm just trying to tidy up the loose ends in my life before I check out.

 

[glk]

Human body is extremely fragile. That fact makes me feel very afraid of living.
I don't want to get old and gain a bunch of diseases.
I don't want to get into an accident that will leave me a cripple for the rest of a miserable, neverending nightmare called "life".
I want to kill myself, before I live to a point where I couldn't end my life by myself.
I want to leave while the door is still open.
I don't want to wait for the next bus.

 

[anthrax101]

I was "made an example of" by a scummy detective who wanted to make a name for himself, and he made up the charge of

Spoiler

"distribution of child pornography"

after I called the local sheriff's office to come and take a computer that was handed to me to repair since I was a computer repair technician. The owner of the computer said that he had never done anything of the sort, and even after $50,000 worth of forensics the politics around my area have essentially taken away all of my US constitutional rights and I was forced to sign a plea deal where I will become a

Spoiler

sex offender

for the rest of my life. I cannot allow my government to put me in a position where I have to report to them every single day after serving an 8 year prison sentence

Spoiler

(plus you know how other prisoners would end up treating someone once they found out why I was in federal prison).

I will not let the government win, and just before being sentenced I plan on CTB-ing and my immediate family knows it. I have saved up enough money to pay for my funeral costs and such and right now the only thing I am doing is searching for N or something similar as I'm kind of scared of SN. It will be combined with 90x 2mg clonazepam tablets for sedation, but I plan on going peacefully and without any remorse. I am also in the process of leaving video messages to everyone important but leaving the messages short and letting them know that it's going to be okay and that while I will miss them all dearly, I have no future and also have the paperwork laid out along with recorded conversations between myself and the sheriff where he lied directly to my face including the hard drive that had all of my evidence stored on it that he stole from my room with no one else around. I am not a vengeful person by any means, but when I CTB, whoever finds this packet of information first is going to most likely use it to strip the detective of all of his powers and possibly even charge him with some sort of homicide for treating me the way that he did. I have to leave some kind of imapct on this planet and since the charge that was handed down to me is completely fabricated and filled with lies, I am taking everyone who did this to me down with me so that no one else will ever have to suffer as I have for the last 2+ years.

Searching for the best substitute for N is extremely difficult but if it comes down to it I absolutely will use SN and the clon together to CTB in the park down the street from my house watching a lovely movie on my phone as I pass on to the next life.

 

[Smashingairwaves]

I'm so angry and embarassed at myself. I've tried to get help, but every avenue I've tried to access just won't help, and I'm just put on waiting lists. I feel broken, and I don't see the point in getting better anymore. It feels like too much effort. I just want to stop existing

 

[Supersadmommy90]

Verbal abuse from my husband now that I'm 30 and not fertile or good looking enough to easily move on anymore. He saved the abuse for later in the relationship. Now I can't start over in a way that would be acceptable to me.

other reasons relating to my body, infertility, and hair loss.

 

[dxnys]

I'm not existing in this world.
I hate the social environment, have problem with myself, extreme loneliness, broken heart and mind.
Suffering is not the only reason, I have taken a lot of time to think about it without my feeling, my suffering, and it's now a pure choice made by my reason.

 

[selfhater]

Human body is extremely fragile. That fact makes me feel very afraid of living.
I don't want to get old and gain a bunch of diseases.
I don't want to get into an accident that will leave me a cripple for the rest of a miserable, neverending nightmare called "life".
I want to kill myself, before I live to a point where I couldn't end my life by myself.
I want to leave while the door is still open.
I don't want to wait for the next bus.

same i think about this everyday
1- i'm horrendously ugly
2- becuz of where i live
3- mental issues and not being able to function with anything literally
4- my body started to attack me for no reasons
5- my past

 

[TeenIdle]

Being gay.

There's nothing wrong with being gay. I don't know your circumstances, but if it's because of your family you feel like that, don't pay them attention and as soon as you can have independence leave your home. Being gay is okay, and when you can have your freedom you'll see it.

 

[IHaveNoIdea]

My brain doesn't really work anymore. For example, I used to be good with technology, but now it is just confusing to me.

I'm losing my ability to walk and have weakness from neuropathy throughout my body.

I have depression and bad fatigue.

For some reason even playing video games makes me feel sick. I feel overwhelmed 24/7. I can't do much of anything. They don't know what's wrong with me.

 

[Elbarado]

My brain doesn't really work anymore. For example, I used to be good with technology, but now it is just confusing to me.

I'm losing my ability to walk and have weakness from neuropathy throughout my body.

I have depression and bad fatigue.

For some reason even playing video games makes me feel sick. I feel overwhelmed 24/7. I can't do much of anything. They don't know what's wrong with me.

i feel you. same here, but even worse. i was happy 1,5 ago

 

[Lastravel]

Main reasons are because of my genetic. I hate my face, my size, my whole body (except that I'm not fat) . My self esteem is so low that I barely look people in the eyes. I don't go out except when I need it. Never had any girlfriend. Not good in social relations and have a fucking mental illness called schyzophrenia. I hate life.

 

[Midnight]

Loneliness and the 2 decades of depression/suicidality that were caused by it had a huge impact on my mental health,physical health,social life and finances (i.e my whole life) I'm not planning on living like this anymore.