I want to be violently, brutally, viciously murdered, I want someone strong to punch me in the face until I no longer have a face, total annihilation, no traces left behind save for blood stains and bones, maybe splattered gray matter, I want to be completely and utterly destroyed, I want my skull split, bones broken, blood everywhere, screaming, I want to feel the full force of another's rage and know that it is my fault, that I deserve it and that it is karmic retribution, I want to be sunjected to someone's full and burning hatred as they take control and remove me fully, destroy every part of me, blunt force trauma, bash my fucking skull in, I want, need it to hurt, as much as possible, I want to cry harder than ever before as panic and dread settle over me, I want to feel the feeling of the world being pulled out from under me, I want to get punched in the ears, eyes, nose so hard that they no longer work, I want to be made to feel how disgusting and worthless and burdensome I am in the worst, greatest, most impactful and permanent way possible, I want to finally know that yes, I am hated and significantly, and that it is exactly what I deserve.