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What are some things to do on your final days before CTB?
Thread starterHateMyLife
Start date
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I want my final days before CTB to be for me to enjoy life without any worries. I don't know how much time I'll give myself. Maybe it'll be a year or only a couple of days, who knows. What are some fun things I should do during my final days?
leading up to my ctb, i want to eat amazing food, cuddle with my ex-person and get high on my favorite substances and OD on my binge while in in their arms... the in their arms part is fucked up and i wouldnt do that to them, but its my dream of how i want to exit the world.. just cant do it like that. ik ill be alone and prolly scared, mostly of failing again and the consequences waiting for me... again.
Existing could never be "fun" or even close to enjoyable in any way, it's a burden and a curse feeling trapped in this world. But I guess that after all it's a personal decision deciding how to spend the last days. If I knew that I was soon to be gone for definite I would just feel relieved that it's all coming to an end. To die would certainly be ideal for me, there is no peace to be found through existing, instead there are just ways to suffer.
I don't know what to suggest, honestly. For me, I'm probably going to be listening to music on my end of life playlist all throughout my last couple of days. What kind of music do you like? Maybe you can get some enjoyment out of that.
My day is coming soon. I'm just living as happy as I can. I'm taking in sporting events, going on long walks, eating all the delicious food I can, and just enjoying my time the best way I can. I have no one, and no one cares for me. I'm happy about that, because there aren't any notes or anything to write. I also just draw and make beautiful (to me at least) art. I'm going to throw it all away before I go. I just love to create because it's in me. Knowing that I'll be gone soon is the greatest relief I've felt in years. Sure, I still cry because of lingering trauma. But it comes and goes. So, I just play with house money and try to live as happy as I can. I'm happy that I get to orchestrate how I will leave. I get to enjoy creature comforts before I go.
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