Discussion What are or were your parents like?

[chlorine]

My mother is the kind of absent mother with fake affection. The one that goes to parties or goes out with someone without telling anyone (me and my sister). My father is quite the opposite, too authoritarian, too strict and close minded. I have some very bad and abusive memories with him, but of course there are good ones, only the worst ones tend to stick around more. It's not like I hate them, but I do a lot of splitting with them so in the end I don't know what to think of them. What are your families like? I believe they have a great influence on how we end up as teens or adults.

 

[Tabbyql]

'Mother' loves religion and not her kids, dad loves alcohol more than his kids. The end. Lol.
*also for some reason my brain as blocked out most memory of my childhood. Not sure I want to know why.

 

[Begemont]

Mom's a religious nutter. Also neglectful piece of shit who couldn't bother to even try with us kids. Possibly also suicidal, don't know. Had to save her at least three times from death's door before I was 10.

Dad's the most amazing, loving and tolerant person in existence.

@Tabbyql same here, with the blocked memories. A few fragments before I was 13 is all I have in terms of memory. And yeah, not sure I want to know why.

 

[S5E51mbB]

They made three big mistakes:

1. Having me
2. Having twins afterwards despite not being great parents. You'd think they'd learn from parenting me.
3. Getting married to begin with. I genuinely wonder whether they even truly love each other. Of course, if they'd never gotten married they wouldn't have had kids together so that'd be an additional bonus.

I guess that at the end of the day we'd be better off without each other. Them without me, and me without them.

 

[Broken]

My mum is the best mum in the world. My dad is a hypocrite and I've lost all respect for him.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Absent, abusive, cruel, bad minded, controlling,angry, selfish cared more for other people slightly alcohol dependence.....not to good bad memories!

 

[RM5998]

I don't really know. They provided for me growing up and tried to give me everything I wanted, and a bunch of things they didn't have growing up that would have been useful had I been a better person in any way, shape or form. I'm pretty sure the three of us are together because we're scared we'd be much worse off apart. None of us really care about each other, we're just stuck in cycles of obligation, scared of the unknown. I'm pretty much the biggest mistake they made, and now nobody knows how to come to terms with it (including myself).

 

[limelight]

Toxic.

 

[chlorine]

'Mother' loves religion and not her kids, dad loves alcohol more than his kids. The end. Lol.
*also for some reason my brain as blocked out most memory of my childhood. Not sure I want to know why.

I am with you. Many memories of my childhood are blurried and there are certain ugly, ugly things that I am not sure happened or not, and I really hope they didn't happen, otherwise I'll have to hate my father forever. This doubt makes me really uncomfortable around him sometimes, but I try to tell myself it must not be true and that everything's okay, enev though it drives me crazy sometimes.

 

[TAW122]

My parents, especially my father is authoritarian, while my mom is more authoritative but then later in my life became less involved (during my teenage years). During my adolescence my father has been there more oftenly than my mother. I would not say that I'm resentful of my upbringing, especially as an adult because my parents did what they believed best with the information they were given at the time, so not completely their fault. Also, I was a difficult child growing up, getting into problems, having issues of my own, and what not.

 

[Sick Boy]

My parents are passive aggresive and selfish

 

[Escaper Boy]

My mom is a stereotypical Asian mother. She is materialistic. But, she is so clever and skillful when it comes to money making and business. It's like she has strong entrepreneur blood inside her. She only graduated junior high school, yet she is the breadwinner of the family, able to support 4 children, bought houses and car, helped my brother in law started a business (by providing capital), never got into debt. A perfect housewife material.

I hate her. Don't ask why. It's complicated.

My father on the other hand, has nothing great about him aside his muscular body. He didn't finish high school, yet pressured me to finish University. He forced me to stop my veganism with violence. He didn't make money on his own, only helping the business started by my mother. Definitely not a father figure that I wished I had. A part of me glad that he passed away early.

But, I still like him more than my mother.

 

[Suicide47]

I hate my parents. My dad was abusive to my
Mom growing up. My mom is delusional, pretends everything is okay and I got all of my mental problems from her. Also a pathological liar and can't connect emotionally with people especially her "loved" ones. My parents are part of the reason I want to get out as fast as I can. There's more to the story tho.

 

[Xaphous]

I deleted my previous post because I feel too shameful talking bad about my parents. My dad is ignorant and will never understand my struggle or even wanted to, but it works both ways I haven't been a great son either. I wish I knew how to move on in life and not be dependent it's shaming and embarrassing but I am stuck with my mental issues and they never had any advice for me.

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

They are both dead.
Cancer deaths , both ... one of the reasons for my firm pro suicide choice ....

Their influence on me ? Mum was a crazed religious cult zealot ... and an alcoholic .
Dad was a passive unemotional detached power tripping control freak .

My older sibling and I continue the tradition ... a mix of all that toxic shit .

They were brainwashed industrial drones raised in the depression and both suffering PTSD from WW2 BS
they both endured . Exacerbated by social disintegration of moving away from social support groups .

 

[Ruffian]

They made three big mistakes:

1. Having me
2. Having twins afterwards despite not being great parents. You'd think they'd learn from parenting me.
3. Getting married to begin with. I genuinely wonder whether they even truly love each other. Of course, if they'd never gotten married they wouldn't have had kids together so that'd be an additional bonus.

I guess that at the end of the day we'd be better off without each other. Them without me, and me without them.

Not related to the post or your reply, but as a teacher, I love your quote. I try not to be that teacher as much as possible.

My mom is a stereotypical Asian mother. She is materialistic. But, she is so clever and skillful when it comes to money making and business. It's like she has strong entrepreneur blood inside her. She only graduated junior high school, yet she is the breadwinner of the family, able to support 4 children, bought houses and car, helped my brother in law started a business (by providing capital), never got into debt. A perfect housewife material.

I hate her. Don't ask why. It's complicated.

My father on the other hand, has nothing great about him aside his muscular body. He didn't finish high school, yet pressured me to finish University. He forced me to stop my veganism with violence. He didn't make money on his own, only helping the business started by my mother. Definitely not a father figure that I wished I had. A part of me glad that he passed away early.

But, I still like him more than my mother.

Did you ever think of writing about some of your experiences with them? Just from reading your post I became very interested in hearing more.

 

[lululoo]

Dad is angry, scary, shaming, critical, covert narcissist.
Mom is a meek enabler. Also pretty critical and judgy.

Recipe for disaster.

 

[Escaper Boy]

Did you ever think of writing about some of your experiences with them? Just from reading your post I became very interested in hearing more.

Okay, I can write a lot about this. Let's begin.

I was born in Asian family. To be specific, I'm chinese but I don't live in China. Asian family in general is tend to be conservative and traditional. Respect your elder, follow the tradition, don't rock the boat and stuff like that.

I have 2 big sisters. Before I was born, things were bad economically. My dad didn't contribute to income. And my mom pretty much got married because she had to. If you're Asian woman and still not married after 25, no man will want you anymore. That's the culture here. Get married fast or stay virgin forever.

This rule doesn't apply to men however. You can be 90 years old but as long as you have money, countless women would be willing to be your wife.

So, continuing. My parents were in tough time. Because my mom "failed" to produce a son (yet), my dad threatened her for divorce. Even my grandma (from my dad's side) was apparently involved with the idea. She (grandma) pressured my dad to leave mom and find other woman.

You can say, my mom used this mistreatment as motivation to be financially independent. Remember, money is the king in Asian family. The one with money always get respect. The poor one will get stomped and insulted.

My mom got pregnant again and had a baby boy (me). As you can see, I received high expectations put on me because I am the first son in the family. My parents' marriage was saved and stable after I was born.

Because I am gay, things become extremely difficult for me. I am Asian, I am not "allowed" to be gay. I got pressured not only to be successful but also to get married and have kids. I am 27, and still in the closet at this point.

I am also a failure financially. My mom constantly guilt tripped me for not being "successful" compared to other cousins. My dad never compared me to anyone. That's why I like him better.

 

[Kyrok]

My mother was depressed and Ill while I was growing up. My father was kind but distant.
My mother began to show a lot of anger towards me in my teens as I was just so dismissive of social norms.
By my 30s, my father was bedridden due to scoliosis. He is now in a nursing home with Alzheimer's.
My mother seemed to get herself together about 15yrs ago and is doing fine.
Both are in their mid-80s.

 

[chlorine]

They made three big mistakes:

1. Having me
2. Having twins afterwards despite not being great parents. You'd think they'd learn from parenting me.
3. Getting married to begin with. I genuinely wonder whether they even truly love each other. Of course, if they'd never gotten married they wouldn't have had kids together so that'd be an additional bonus.

I guess that at the end of the day we'd be better off without each other. Them without me, and me without them.

Is your signature a radiohead reference? If so, you have earned my respect :)

 

[Jon86]

Kind, caring, hard working, honest people. They've had immense struggles in life and have done their best to provide for their kids. Nothing but respect for them, the only reason i'm still alive. I hate myself for the misery/pain I bring them.

They can't help me, I have physical illness they can't do anything about, i'm a burden, a lost cause.

 

[Ruffian]

Okay, I can write a lot about this. Let's begin.

I was born in Asian family. To be specific, I'm chinese but I don't live in China. Asian family in general is tend to be conservative and traditional. Respect your elder, follow the tradition, don't rock the boat and stuff like that.

I have 2 big sisters. Before I was born, things were bad economically. My dad didn't contribute to income. And my mom pretty much got married because she had to. If you're Asian woman and still not married after 25, no man will want you anymore. That's the culture here. Get married fast or stay virgin forever.

This rule doesn't apply to men however. You can be 90 years old but as long as you have money, countless women would be willing to be your wife.

So, continuing. My parents were in tough time. Because my mom "failed" to produce a son (yet), my dad threatened her for divorce. Even my grandma (from my dad's side) was apparently involved with the idea. She (grandma) pressured my dad to leave mom and find other woman.

You can say, my mom used this mistreatment as motivation to be financially independent. Remember, money is the king in Asian family. The one with money always get respect. The poor one will get stomped and insulted.

My mom got pregnant again and had a baby boy (me). As you can see, I received high expectations put on me because I am the first son in the family. My parents' marriage was saved and stable after I was born.

Because I am gay, things become extremely difficult for me. I am Asian, I am not "allowed" to be gay. I got pressured not only to be successful but also to get married and have kids. I am 27, and still in the closet at this point.

I am also a failure financially. My mom constantly guilt tripped me for not being "successful" compared to other cousins. My dad never compared me to anyone. That's why I like him better.

I'm not Asian, but our parents are surprisingly similar in that all my mom cares about is money. My dad not so much. I'm sorry you're being made to feel ashamed for being gay. It's not anything to be ashamed about.

 

[chlorine]

Kind, caring, hard working, honest people. They've had immense struggles in life and have done their best to provide for their kids. Nothing but respect for them, the only reason i'm still alive. I hate myself for the misery/pain I bring them.

They can't help me, I have physical illness they can't do anything about, i'm a burden, a lost cause.

I'm really sorry for your situation :( you're lucky to have nice and supportive parents, having abusive parents would have made your life so much harder

 

[Jon86]

I'm really sorry for your situation :( you're lucky to have nice and supportive parents, having abusive parents would have made your life so much harder

Your right but it's a double edged sword, having parents I love and respect makes it a hell of a lot harder to eat a bullet. I've been depressed for 20 years now, they can't do anything about the cause of my misery (physical illness). I hate the thought of causing them worry/sadness, the guilt is no fun to carry around.

 

[Bärchen]

My father is a alcoholic and the stupidest person i have ever met.
My mother is kind and caring but can be annoying.

 

[netrezven]

I often meet with my father, talk about some business too. Can trust him at some level, because he never agrees with my way of thinking, witch can be irritating but useful. Still tell him only what's necessary. I think, that all of me will stress him out to death, literally, besides the fact that he always was and still is a man with power around other powerful people. He might have played some part in my understanding of the world as i was a kid - a simple phone call, conversation, or entirely erased part of a family video. When i was a kid I surely thought that I was untouchable because of him and my family name, but never had misused them. Still i want to have and live out so much more than him, while i haven't done even a small amount of what he has. After 8 years of marriage my wife is still unaware of my family's positions and connections. I'm not fully aware too and never will be.
My mother - as far away i'm from her - the better for everybody. She is a good person. I never told her anything, lied her all the time, and she still knows it all, because i'm like her. She got all the bad scenarios in her head, and i mean - all - so my actual live/business is in there, calculated. We both can simulate all the conversations we will ever have, and none of them ends well. So this distance was the only positive and constructive solution. We meet, we talk, but it's simply a scene to play in front of others and ourselves.
Well, to be honest i will do everything that i can so none of my kids becomes me, but i don't think it's something, that I or anyone can control. Why the f8ck teachers ask kids at school what their parents do for a living?

 

[Jc40]

Mine are okay now, after my dad's heart attack he chilled out a bit, became less controlling. He's hard on my mum sometimes. After his hip op he's turned into a very old man.

My dad was away alot when we growing up. I remember constant arguments. No physical abuse but defo emotional abuse. My brother got it harder but it affected all of us. Although my dad had chilled alot he's still a bit of a dick but I can deal with this.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Mom's kind and loving. She'll fight viciously and brutally for every single one of her kids. She's tough, headstrong and the kindest person you'll never meet.

Daddy liked to starve me
Done

 

[Nunyabinniss]

Dad shot himself before I was old enough to know him. My Mother was real young when she had me and is emotionally challenged meaning she doesn't show emotions, doesn't understand them, and in fact can't deal with them. She's the type to throw you under the bus if you even remotely seem to get in her way or "rock the boat" basically just existing as child was too much for her to handle. It's been a really hard long lonely life I'm the only one, I was really mostly raised by my grandparents and aunt. So really the rest of my family raise day but my mother still for some goddamn reason how to say in my life and made some pretty poor decisions for us down the road.

 

[Ruffian]

I'm adopted, but I met my biological parents years ago. All four of them combined together are the main reason I decided to never had kids.