Method What am I supposed do ?

[gardenhouse]

I've been feeling so awful and suicidal lately, and wanna end my life as my suffering seems has no end.

I've read the PPGB, i wish i had access to all the substances easily but of course most people don't unless you are a medical professionals.

I got a contract source to obtain NB but the harsh punishment if you get caught makes me think a million times. Even though that drug seems to be the best option for going CTB without much pain.

SN is discussed a lot here but sourcing is strictly regulated, since it's used as a self harm tool, the authorities have made it difficult to obtain, i have a business but not a food industry business, so suppliers are not gonna sell it to me.

CM, the sell of CB tank is not tor public as it's flammable toxic gas, you can do it from home but the process is not easy, and if you don't do it carefully, you might end up having a failed Attempt of suicide that gives you a permanent damage.

HS is easy to make by mixing hydrochloric acid and calcium sulfide, the substances are available for public to purchase but the smell is awful and you won't have a peaceful death, PPGHB ranks peacefulness only 3.

I live in nz and i believe dangerous substances are even more strictly regulated here than the US.

 

[wine is fine but]

what are you supposed to do?

you are supposed to breathe in and then breathe out - deeply down into your stomach, and continue

at the very least your mind will be able to process things clearer and give you a chance to see a solution one way or the other


what is your business?

 

[gardenhouse]

what are you supposed to do?

you are supposed to breathe in and then breathe out - deeply down into your stomach, and continue

at the very least your mind will be able to process things clearer and give you a chance to see a solution one way or the other


what is your business?

I've done every possible solution that experts have advised me and it doesn't work. I got tinnitus 6 months ago and i haven't been sleeping since then, sleeping pills no longer work, sound therapy doesn't work as i'm a light sleeper, white noise makes my brain focus on it but doesn't shut down. Even if I manage to sleep, it's only for 1 hour, and then i wake up and can't sleep anymore, I hear the high pitched jet engine sound in my head 24 hrs that no one else can hear, it drives me crazy. I can't live like this any longer.

I run a webstore.

 

[wine is fine but]

I've done every possible solution that experts have advised me and it doesn't work. I got tinnitus 6 months ago and i haven't been sleeping since then, sleeping pills no longer work, sound therapy doesn't work as i'm a light sleeper, white noise makes my brain focus on it but doesn't shut down. Even if I manage to sleep, it's only for 1 hour, and then i wake up and can't sleep anymore, I hear the high pitched jet engine sound in my head 24 hrs that no one else can hear, it drives me crazy. I can't live like this any longer.

I run a webstore.

i am not questioning what you are going through, but it seems that you are in an angry, or overwhelmed type mode. you cannot think straight in that situation. at the very least, you are not thinking outside the box with one of those options, but i am sorry, i cannot give you anymore of an idea than that

what do you sell?

 

[gardenhouse]

i am not questioning what you are going through, but it seems that you are in an angry, or overwhelmed type mode. you cannot think straight in that situation. at the very least, you are not thinking outside the box with one of those options, but i am sorry, i cannot give you anymore of an idea than that

what do you sell?

I see, sorry for giving the wrong answer, I'm not angry though, more like confused and can't think straight, because the most peaceful and way to go is the hardest to obtain, and the easiest to do is the most painful

How about you? Why are you here?

I sell preserved flowers, not my main income though. I have a main job.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I got a contract source to obtain NB but the harsh punishment if you get caught makes me think a million times. Even though that drug seems to be the best option for going CTB without much pain.

Does NB mean Nembutal? If so, are you sure you've really found it?

 

[gardenhouse]

Does NB mean Nembutal? If so, are you sure you've really found it?

Yes, found the reliable source but it's illegal to import in most countries including here in nz. here in nz assisted suicide is legal only if you are terminally ill and about to die in 6 months, they don't realize there are many people out there who feel life is not worth living anymore, they can't simply look at the medical records.

 

[wine is fine but]

I see, sorry for giving the wrong answer, I'm not angry though, more like confused and can't think straight

How about you? Why are you here?

I sell preserved flowers, not my main income though. I have a main job.

no worries - no one wants to be guilt tripped in feeling more pain, or to have someone patronise them

i am here because i can relate to many people on here

i guess preserved flowers do not need sn, do they? either way, i assume you would need the appropriate paperwork to be able to by it anyway

i guess angry mode wasn't the right terminology either - probably frustrated might have been better

 

[gardenhouse]

no worries - no one wants to be guilt tripped in feeling more pain, or to have someone patronise them

i am here because i can relate to many people on here

i guess preserved flowers do not need sn, do they? either way, i assume you would need the appropriate paperwork to be able to by it anyway

I think Sn is mainly used in food industry, definitely not preserved flowers. Unless I fool them, also SN itself is not enough, you still need to get drugs that sedate you unconscious otherwise you'll be in pain the overdose of SN takes effects. I just wish that the DDMAPh drug was easy to obtain, most of the them are prescription drugs and the M is the hardest to get.

 

[fightclub17]

I've done every possible solution that experts have advised me and it doesn't work. I got tinnitus 6 months ago and i haven't been sleeping since then, sleeping pills no longer work, sound therapy doesn't work as i'm a light sleeper, white noise makes my brain focus on it but doesn't shut down. Even if I manage to sleep, it's only for 1 hour, and then i wake up and can't sleep anymore, I hear the high pitched jet engine sound in my head 24 hrs that no one else can hear, it drives me crazy. I can't live like this any longer.

I run a webstore.

I had insomnia for months. The hospital prescribed Olanzapine which fixed my insomnia. It's worth looking into antipsychotics to help with sleep. Or go to hospital so they can put you on meds while monitoring you.

 

[gardenhouse]

I had insomnia for months. The hospital prescribed Olanzapine which fixed my insomnia. It's worth looking into antipsychotics to help with sleep. Or go to hospital so they can put you on meds while monitoring you.

I've been on sleeping pills lorazepam, zopiclone, but once i'm off sleeping pills i can't sleep, i will be up all night, i never had insomnia before, my insomnia is caused by my tinnitus, if I wasn't a light sleeper, this wouldn't be hard.

 

[itsgone2]

I've been feeling so awful and suicidal lately, and wanna end my life as my suffering seems has no end.

I've read the PPGB, i wish i had access to all the substances easily but of course most people don't unless you are a medical professionals.

I got a contract source to obtain NB but the harsh punishment if you get caught makes me think a million times. Even though that drug seems to be the best option for going CTB without much pain.

SN is discussed a lot here but sourcing is strictly regulated, since it's used as a self harm tool, the authorities have made it difficult to obtain, i have a business but not a food industry business, so suppliers are not gonna sell it to me.

CM, the sell of CB tank is not tor public as it's flammable toxic gas, you can do it from home but the process is not easy, and if you don't do it carefully, you might end up having a failed Attempt of suicide that gives you a permanent damage.

HS is easy to make by mixing hydrochloric acid and calcium sulfide, the substances are available for public to purchase but the smell is awful and you won't have a peaceful death, PPGHB ranks peacefulness only 3.

I live in nz and i believe dangerous substances are even more strictly regulated here than the US.

I forgot about this chart
The downside of carbon monoxide is the danger of it. People live close or finding you.
If you work hard to eliminate that then maybe this is the best option

 

[gardenhouse]

I forgot about this chart
The downside of carbon monoxide is the danger of it. People live close or finding you.
If you work hard to eliminate that then maybe this is the best option

Not if you do it in the car, carbon monoxide can be very effective, but again it's not available for public. Nz is very paranoid about safety, which is ridiculous oftentimes.

 

[doomerguy88]

Yes, found the reliable source but it's illegal to import in most countries including here in nz. here in nz assisted suicide is legal only if you are terminally ill and about to die in 6 months, they don't realize there are many people out there who feel life is not worth living anymore, they can't simply look at the medical records.

Out of curiosity how do you know it's a reliable source?

 

[gardenhouse]

Out of curiosity how do you know it's a reliable source?

It's on PPH , they wouldn't list it if it wasn't a reliable source, would they? as they gathered the information and compiled in the book based on people's experience, and they are the only source of Assisted S.

 

[doomerguy88]

It's on PPH , they wouldn't list it if it wasn't a reliable source, would they? as they gathered the information and compiled in the book based on people's experience, and they are the only source of Assisted S

Sorry if you mentioned that it was in the PPH. I know from the 2025 version of the book it talks about places in Peru and such, but I thought even those were drying up and I don't remember if they listed a specific source. Also I guess when you said source I assumed that you meant someone you can order from online. I'm just genuinely curious because I thought it was basically impossible to get at this point.

 

[gardenhouse]

Sorry if you mentioned that it was in the PPH. I know from the 2025 version of the book it talks about places in Peru and such, but I thought even those were drying up and I don't remember if they listed a specific source. Also I guess when you said source I assumed that you meant someone you can order from online. I'm just genuinely curious because I thought it was basically impossible to get at this point.

I just found out, apparently there's a pirate version of PPH, and probably that same scammer uploaded the modified PPH book online to scam people. Oh man I feel so hopeless

- Nembutal Scams

This email address was given out by somebody on the sanctioned-suicide.net website. He scammed me and 1 other person trying to buy Nembutal. He has been banned by the sanctioned-suicide mods already, but I can provide full proof of the email conversation I had with him. He pretends to be D and...

www.nembutalscams.com

 

[doomerguy88]

I just found out, apparently there's a pirate version of PPH, and probably that same scammer uploaded the modified PPH book online to scam people. Oh man I feel so hopeless

- Nembutal Scams

This email address was given out by somebody on the sanctioned-suicide.net website. He scammed me and 1 other person trying to buy Nembutal. He has been banned by the sanctioned-suicide mods already, but I can provide full proof of the email conversation I had with him. He pretends to be D and...

www.nembutalscams.com

Sorry about that. I didn't even know that there was a fake version going around. I just read the one that is pinned at the top of this forum. I have SN but am too scared to actually take it because I know it can still be unpleasant and I worry about surviving and ending up in the hospital or psych ward both of which terrify me and would make my mental situation worse. I don't have a car and don't have much money so I also feel hopeless about methods.

 

[gardenhouse]

Sorry about that. I didn't even know that there was a fake version going around. I just read the one that is pinned at the top of this forum. I have SN but am too scared to actually take it because I know it can still be unpleasant and I worry about surviving and ending up in the hospital or psych ward both of which terrify me and would make my mental situation worse. I don't have a car and don't have much money so I also feel hopeless about methods.

Yeah, because SN overdose without being accompanied by sedative drug is going to be painful. That's why PPH book says you must take 20 tablets of benzodiazepines so that you are asleep unconscious when SN is failing your organ. Where did you get SN? and why do you feel this life is not worth living anymore?

 

[doomerguy88]

Yeah, because SN overdose without being accompanied by sedative drug is going to be painful. That's why PPH book says you must take 20 tablets of benzodiazepines so that you are asleep unconscious when SN is failing your organ. Where did you get SN? and why do you feel this life is not worth living anymore?

I got SN from a source that is mentioned on here quite a lot. It wasn't easy to find and basically needed someone who gave me enough hints that I was finally able to deduce the name of the site. As for why I feel like life is not worth living anymore it's due to a few different things. For the past few years I have felt like I don't get the same enjoyment out of life that I used to and don't remember that last time I truly felt happy or excited about something including the things I normally love like video games or watching my favorite YouTube videos.

On top of that I wasn't very good about keeping up on my oral health or going to the dentist and now it has caught up with me recently. I have already had some work done Including two extractions and now everything in my mouth feel off which is hard for my brain not to focus on most days and I need a lot more work done but so don't know when so can do it due to financial constraints. Because of the of the off feeling im scared to really chew anything and my brain is limited to what I feel safe eating so for the past few months I have basically been eating the same stuff everyday which is basically oatmeal, hummus, and red pepper and tomato soup and sometimes ice cream. I really love hummus but I don't really even enjoy it at the moment and only eat because I don't want to feel bad from not eating. And even when I can have more work done at the dentist I wouldn't be looking forward to it because I have sensory issues with it which is part of the reason I have avoided it for so long

I know there are medications which might help but I was prescribed something for ADHD/depression a couple of years back which I took for a month and a half and had the worst time of my life when going on and coming off of it and now I'm scared of taking another because I have trouble with taking pills due to sensory issues and last time I tried taking it for awhile but just couldn't do it one day and stopped cold turkey which is why so had a bad time when I went off it.

So I guess in a lot of ways I just feel hopeless that things will get better and even if they do it still feels like it will be too long of suffering with my mouth feeling off everyday and me being stuck eating the same stuff everyday for who knows how long and not really having anything I get enjoyment out of that distracts me from those feelings.

 

[gardenhouse]

I got SN from a source that is mentioned on here quite a lot. It wasn't easy to find and basically needed someone who gave me enough hints that I was finally able to deduce the name of the site. As for why I feel like life is not worth living anymore it's due to a few different things. For the past few years I have felt like I don't get the same enjoyment out of life that I used to and don't remember that last time I truly felt happy or excited about something including the things I normally love like video games or watching my favorite YouTube videos.

On top of that I wasn't very good about keeping up on my oral health or going to the dentist and now it has caught up with me recently. I have already had some work done Including two extractions and now everything in my mouth feel off which is hard for my brain not to focus on most days and I need a lot more work done but so don't know when so can do it due to financial constraints. Because of the of the off feeling im scared to really chew anything and my brain is limited to what I feel safe eating so for the past few months I have basically been eating the same stuff everyday which is basically oatmeal, hummus, and red pepper and tomato soup and sometimes ice cream. I really love hummus but I don't really even enjoy it at the moment and only eat because I don't want to feel bad.

I know there are medications which might help but I was prescribed something for ADHD/depresy a couple of years back which I took for a month and a half and had the worst time of my life when going on and coming off of it and now I'm scared of taking another because I have trouble with taking pills due to sensory issues and last time I tried taking it for awhile but just couldn't do it one day and stopped cold turkey which is why so had a bad time when I went off it.

So I guess in a lot of ways I just feel hopeless that things will get better and even if they do it still feels like it will be too long of suffering with my mouth feeling off everyday and me being stuck eating the same stuff everyday for who knows how long and not really having anything I get enjoyment out of that distracts me from those feelings.

Hopefully you'll find peace.

I lived happily most of my life, until last september 2025, something happened to me and basically gave me tinnitus, and as a result my sleep is destroyed, and something so basic in life just like food and water. I haven't been sleeping the way I normally did before, sleeplessness doesn't kill me but I'm not surviving well, and i feel life is just not worth living for anymore. I hear the noise in my head 24 hrs non stop that sounds like electrical current and I can't sleep because of that. I wish I could find those peaceful pill easily, I'm not scared of death but I'm scared of pain.

 

[doomerguy88]

Hopefully you'll find peace.

I lived happily most of my life, until last september 2025, something happened to me and basically gave me tinnitus, and as a result my sleep is destroyed, and something so basic in life just like food and water. I haven't been sleeping the way I normally did before, sleeplessness doesn't kill me but I'm not surviving well, and i feel life is just not worth living for anymore. I hear the noise in my head 24 hrs non stop that sounds like electrical current and I can't sleep because of that. I wish I could find those peaceful pill easily, I'm not scared of death but I'm scared of pain.

Thanks I hope you are able to find it as well. Sometimes I feel bad because I know there's people on this site who have been suffering for much longer than I have and have never felt suicidal and was generally a happy person in life until the last few years. So in so e ways it nice to know I'm not the only one who's symptoms started more recently. Also I agree about not being scared of death as I think most likely you won't know that you're dead anyways, but yes I'm scared of the pain of dying and also scared of the grief I would put my family through by doing it. I am very fortunate to have a loving family and the the thought of putting them through it is hard.

 

[gardenhouse]

Thanks I hope you are able to find it as well. Sometimes I feel bad because I know there's people on this site who have been suffering for much longer than I have and have never felt suicidal and was generally a happy person in life until the last few years. So in so e ways it nice to know I'm not the only one who's symptoms started more recently. Also I agree about not being scared of death as I think most likely you won't know that you're dead anyways, but yes I'm scared of the pain of dying and also scared of the grief I would put my family through by doing it. I am very fortunate to have a loving family and the the thought of putting them through it is hard.

I have a loving partner and friends too, but for me not being able to sleep feels like a slow daily torturous suffering that no one feels but myself.

 

[appletree75]

What is the source for N? If it's from a website then it is 100% scam. I wish I can go to Peru or Bolivia, buy it from a vet store with the help of a local.
I desperately need this kind of local help.


Even if your country has euthanasia they will not help tinnitus patients. There was a Dutch lady who took her own life in 2024 after euthanasia was not approved for her.
Her tinnitus sounds like a fighter jet. Watch this video about her, listen to her tinnitus: Corné's vrouw koos voor zelfdoding, omdat euthanasie niet mocht

 

[gardenhouse]

What is the source for N? If it's from a website then it is 100% scam. I wish I can go to Peru or Bolivia, buy it from a vet store with the help of a local.
I desperately need this kind of local help.


Even if your country has euthanasia they will not help tinnitus patients. There was a Dutch lady who took her own life in 2024 after euthanasia was not approved for her.
Her tinnitus sounds like a fighter jet. Watch this video about her, listen to her tinnitus: Corné's vrouw koos voor zelfdoding, omdat euthanasie niet mocht

I know they will not because it's not life threatening condition but the medical should know that there's a medical condition that reduces people's perception of quality life. What's the point of living if I can't enjoy it the way i once knew. I can't wath the video you mentioned.

 

[appletree75]

I know they will not because it's not life threatening condition but the medical should know that there's a medical condition that reduces people's perception of quality life. What's the point of living if I can't enjoy it the way i once knew. I can't wath the video you mentioned.

Which country are you from?

 

[gardenhouse]

Just paste "Corné's vrouw koos voor zelfdoding, omdat euthanasie niet mocht" into Youtube searchbar, it's in Dutch
Which country are you from?

New Zealand. Mine sounds like electrical current and sometimes i hear 2 constant sound like a jet engine exactly like hers, when i feel tired physically i hear 3 sound sometimes every single second 24 hours, it's crazy…I don't wanna die but i can't enjoy life any longer. At least people with chronic pain like cancer or such they can take painkiller then they will not feel it for a while. I can't take anything to silent it, i miss true silence. I can't take this anymore.

I wish that my body would just have a cardiac arrest from this constant sleepless night but I don't know why even though i feel extreme fatigue my heart is not failing.

 

[appletree75]

New Zealand. Mine sounds like electrical current and sometimes i hear 2 constant sound like a jet engine exactly like hers, when i feel tired physically i hear 3 sound sometimes every single second 24 hours, it's crazy…I don't wanna die but i can't enjoy life any longer. At least people with chronic pain like cancer or such they can take painkiller then they will not feel it for a while. I can't take anything to silent it, i miss true silence. I can't take this anymore.

I wish that my body would just have a cardiac arrest from this constant sleepless night but I don't know why even though i feel extreme fatigue my heart is not failing.

I suffer from the same condition. Everyday I beg for cancer, the higher the stage, the better for me. With cancer, I do not have to suffer for decades, will have painkillers to ease the pain, will have access for euthanasia. I have seen several tinnitus sufferes hoping to get cancer. I no longer take any herbal supplements or any supplement with anti-cancer properties. I no longer use herbs to cook, because they have anti-cancer properties. I stopped drinking green tea because it has anti-cancer properties. I refuse to eat anything with anti-cancer properties.
My parents want me to eat veggies and fruits. They used to be my favourites, now I simply tell them, these foods are good for health and longevity. I refuse to prolong my suffering.
Without veggies and fruits, I may live another 10 years. With veggies and fruits, I could possibly live for another 45 years. 45 years of tinnitus, no thank you.
This is what I tell them.
Of course I'm not advising this lifestyle, I'm just telling my story.
----------------------------
As for euthanasia, the 2 Swiss euthanasia clinics definitely accept application for severe tinnitus sufferers. I asked and they said it is an legit ground for application.
I became ill too late. 20 years ago, the owner of vet stores in Mexico was begging people to buy N from him. He puts up a sign on his store in English, saying this store has what the Australians want. Even in 2014, a young guy was able to buy N from Peru and take them to Germany to ctb.
In 2017, an elderly couple bought N from Peru and passed away in Lima's best hotel.
But for some weird reason, I was healthy in 2006! I was healthy in 2014 and 2017! But only became ill in 2025, decades away from old age, but when all the painless options are nearly gone!

 

[gardenhouse]

What is the source for N? If it's from a website then it is 100% scam. I wish I can go to Peru or Bolivia, buy it from a vet store with the help of a local.
I desperately need this kind of local help.


Even if your country has euthanasia they will not help tinnitus patients. There was a Dutch lady who took her own life in 2024 after euthanasia was not approved for her.
Her tinnitus sounds like a fighter jet. Watch this video about her, listen to her tinnitus: Corné's vrouw koos voor zelfdoding, omdat euthanasie niet mocht

I came across another story of a dutch lady who was granted euthanasia because of tinnitus and Hyperacusis though which is the 2 conditions i have. I wish my country would be like Netherland.

Gabby Othuis

I suffer from the same condition. Everyday I beg for cancer, the higher the stage, the better for me. With cancer, I do not have to suffer for decades, will have painkillers to ease the pain, will have access for euthanasia. I have seen several tinnitus sufferes hoping to get cancer. I no longer take any herbal supplements or any supplement with anti-cancer properties. I no longer use herbs to cook, because they have anti-cancer properties. I stopped drinking green tea because it has anti-cancer properties. I refuse to eat anything with anti-cancer properties.
My parents want me to eat veggies and fruits. They used to be my favourites, now I simply tell them, these foods are good for health and longevity. I refuse to prolong my suffering.
Without veggies and fruits, I may live another 10 years. With veggies and fruits, I could possibly live for another 45 years. 45 years of tinnitus, no thank you.
This is what I tell them.
Of course I'm not advising this lifestyle, I'm just telling my story.
----------------------------
As for euthanasia, the 2 Swiss euthanasia clinics definitely accept application for severe tinnitus sufferers. I asked and they said it is an legit ground for application.
I became ill too late. 20 years ago, the owner of vet stores in Mexico was begging people to buy N from him. He puts up a sign on his store in English, saying this store has what the Australians want. Even in 2014, a young guy was able to buy N from Peru and take them to Germany to ctb.
In 2017, an elderly couple bought N from Peru and passed away in Lima's best hotel.
But for some weird reason, I was healthy in 2006! I was healthy in 2014 and 2017! But only became ill in 2025, decades away from old age, but when all the painless options are nearly gone!

Do you have tinnitus? I've done everything the experts told me to do, relaxation, anti depressant, sleeping aids, sound therapy, chiropractic treatment, live a stress free life ( who on earth lives without stress?) just not helping. Sleep with white noise, my brain just doesn't shut down, I watched a lot of success stories of tinnitus sufferers, they are successful to live a normal life again but there is no one story to fit all right.

 

[appletree75]

I came across another story of a dutch lady who was granted euthanasia because of tinnitus and Hyperacusis though which is the 2 conditions i have. I wish my country would be like Netherland.

Gabby Othuis


Do you have tinnitus? I've done everything the experts told me to do, relaxation, anti depressant, sleeping aids, sound therapy, chiropractic treatment, live a stress free life ( who on earth lives without stress?) just not helping. Sleep with white noise, my brain just doesn't shut down, I watched a lot of success stories of tinnitus sufferers, they are successful to live a normal life again but there is no one story to fit all right.

But this lady suffered for 13 years. I simply can not wait for 13 years.

The other Dutch lady was refused because she suffered for 2.5 years.
I would really like to travel to South america and try vet store after vet store for N, armed with a huge bribe. Those countries are very poor, so maybe some one will be swayed by a huge bribe.