Venting what am i doing anymore. for who? what for?

[wildbluekiss]

i'm an indonesian who has a lot of business trips around china, taiwan, hk, macau... you name it. my latest trip just ended several days ago, leaving me with a feeling of being tormented.

i have to lead my team--long story short, it could've been better if only i were sent alone. these people just made it harder, shove so many resposibilities to me, and made me pressured.

at the end, at least i'm back home. though i accidentally read something harsh from one of my friend's notification. my friend is B, this person is A.

"you know what, that [wildbluekiss] just got sent to china again. fucking bitch, she's a no-good." (yes, in english. we use english too here)

"i can talk shit about anyone i want" i think A said this because my actual friend (B) replied something like "don't say that" or something

but anyways

uh? you know, if this trip was an enjoyable one, i think i still can manage to handle it better. at least ill just shrug it off with "huh, he's just jealous" or like "i'm the one who got the job done perfectly, he has nor right to say that, so whatever!"

but to be honest, i'm still on my way to heal after a 10-day-long tormenting period. im so tired, ive done everything myself, everyone just know to shout shit to me what the hell, i got yelled at, called at whatever time they want without thinking about my feelings, got shitted on in mandarin english and indonesian when its actually someone else's fault, NOT MINE. but of course, even if i do my best, even if i try to be nice and kind, it's still my fault because i'm supposed to be their leader or shit

what went wrong. i just want to do my best. i did my best. i surpassed my physical limit and did everything for them. and the end, its not enough. will never be enough

 

[NeoN0va]

Wish you recover from the trip! You must be really good to actually do such a job. My social anxiety would just obliterate me after a few moments

 

[Reflection]

Fuck that guy, and he DOES sound jealous. You're doing your best and that's more than enough, what they think is irrelevant.
You know how it is: " When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all"

 

[LittleJem]

You got sent AGAIN cos they know you get the job done…and you did it