What about my family?

[cu1len]

Have you tried to go to therapy or another specialist? Maybe I could help you, it's just a recommendation.

I HATE therapists. After my parents got divorced they put my brother and I in therapy and it was terrible. Haven't gone to one since.

 

[seekingoblivion]

I too have wondered about this. I know my family will be torn over my death, but I think about it this way: I never asked to be born, and I never chose to be here, but it is my choice to go or stay in this hell.
Also, do I need to suffer so much just so my family doesn't?

I cannot tell you how many times this thought has ran through my head. But I can never permanently get rid of the sympathy I feel for my potential mourners. It is a continuous struggle.

 

[21Neberg]

I cannot tell you how many times this thought has ran through my head. But I can never permanently get rid of the sympathy I feel for my potential mourners. It is a continuous struggle.

I 100% agree with you, but do we really need to suffer so much just so our family doesn't need to?

 

[seekingoblivion]

I have this problem as well. And it affects me greatly. As a sort of workaround I've taken to considering a death which takes the form of an accident. They will still be in pain; that's certain; however it could be lessened by some degree, as far as I have learned. I'm not sure how much it could work, if it works at all, but this way there's the potential to reduce the feelings of guilt along with suppressing the question of 'why?'. I've seen these two to be the most outstanding emotions felt by those who've lost someone to suicide. They feel a lot more it's just that these two are often referred to as "the worst part". It's not a whole lot but I feel like if I made it look like an accident it might make it less painful than if it was totally known to be a suicide. Though that is an extremely difficult thing to pull off comfortably.

 

[seekingoblivion]

I 100% agree with you, but do we really need to suffer so much just so our family doesn't need to?

I don't think so. But they will definitely suffer significantly.

 

[Redt2go]

I have this problem as well. And it affects me greatly. As a sort of workaround I've taken to considering a death which takes the form of an accident. They will still be in pain; that's certain; however it could be lessened by some degree, as far as I have learned. I'm not sure how much it could work, if it works at all, but this way there's the potential to reduce the feelings of guilt along with suppressing the question of 'why?'. I've seen these two to be the most outstanding emotions felt by those who've lost someone to suicide. They feel a lot more it's just that these two are often referred to as "the worst part". It's not a whole lot but I feel like if I made it look like an accident it might make it less painful than if it was totally known to be a suicide. Though that is an extremely difficult thing to pull off comfortably.

Yeah I read articles and papers saying that suicide is an entirely different and much harder thing to greive than death. I guess that's why it's easier for them to blame depression

 

[Redt2go]

Im

I have this problem as well. And it affects me greatly. As a sort of workaround I've taken to considering a death which takes the form of an accident. They will still be in pain; that's certain; however it could be lessened by some degree, as far as I have learned. I'm not sure how much it could work, if it works at all, but this way there's the potential to reduce the feelings of guilt along with suppressing the question of 'why?'. I've seen these two to be the most outstanding emotions felt by those who've lost someone to suicide. They feel a lot more it's just that these two are often referred to as "the worst part". It's not a whole lot but I feel like if I made it look like an accident it might make it less painful than if it was totally known to be a suicide. Though that is an extremely difficult thing to pull off comfortably.

I'm starting to feel like an accidental death isn't coming to me though it seems it's very hard to die even when people try their hardest. I especially won't die by accident if I never leave my bed lol. Which is my motivation to get up I guess

 

[Pegasus]

This what is holding me back. How my mom will react to my ctb.

 

[cu1len]

I am holding back on ctb for now because while emailing my friend about a failed attempt, my nana who I guess had my email password saw the emails and spent 2 straight hours crying and asking me why and me having to give fake explanations and trying to convince her that I'm fine. I'm fucked :)

 

[Partial-Elf]

I am holding back on ctb for now because while emailing my friend about a failed attempt, my nana who I guess had my email password saw the emails and spent 2 straight hours crying and asking me why and me having to give fake explanations and trying to convince her that I'm fine. I'm fucked :)

Oh no :( major invasion of privacy though on her part, wtf

 

[TiredHorse]

I am holding back on ctb for now because while emailing my friend about a failed attempt, my nana who I guess had my email password saw the emails and spent 2 straight hours crying and asking me why and me having to give fake explanations and trying to convince her that I'm fine. I'm fucked :)

What would happen if you and your Nana went someplace quiet and you did explain why? Is there any chance that she could initiate some change (no, I'm not talking about therapy or hospitalization!) that might make life easier? Maybe phrase it in the hypothetical --"I'm not suicidal, but if I were, this is why I would be"-- so that she could really hear what you're saying?

Just an idea, and I'm perfectly content to leave it be if that's a dead end (so to speak).

 

[seekingoblivion]

Yeah I read articles and papers saying that suicide is an entirely different and much harder thing to greive than death. I guess that's why it's easier for them to blame depression

Yeah. I suppose it could be because you died for the simple reason that you were not happy. So they feel like they could have done something to help you feel happy (or at least more content). Whereas any other death is just nature taking it's course. This is just my first guess. There's probably a few more reasons I could think of.

 

[seekingoblivion]

I am holding back on ctb for now because while emailing my friend about a failed attempt, my nana who I guess had my email password saw the emails and spent 2 straight hours crying and asking me why and me having to give fake explanations and trying to convince her that I'm fine. I'm fucked :)

That must be tough to experience. I'm sorry your nana found out about that. It's incredibly annoying when you have to come up with a reason for the way you feel and then tell them you're totally fine now when in fact you're basically screaming inside, but you know that if they knew the truth they would just freak out.

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

I am worried about what my family will do if I do ctb. My nana left her family and friends to be with my mom, siblings and I when we moved and hasn't had anybody besides my brother and I for a long time and I'm terrified of how she would handle it. I'm even more terrified of how my mom will react to be burying her own child, and that is a constant fear that plagues me. As with my dad I'm afraid he will go back to drugs or alcohol and my grandparents I don't even know how they would react. But the person that worries me the most is my 6 year old sister. (We are about 12 years apart) and she loves me so much and it breaks my heart to imagine my mom explaining that I wouldn't be coming back anymore. I don't want anybody to be hurt or feel guilty for me ctb.

You have to be careful with what you do because if you fail and someone finds out you might end having to go to a psych ward aka looney bin for a few weeks because or more like I have due to alcohol and Benadryl you're family I don't know them but if they care about you remember suicide or in my case suicide attempt will cause pain and misery for those who care about you family and friends I am not the judge of your life and I should not for my own hypocrisy and infidelity has led me to this point where even I still want to die while also wanting to live the cognitive dissonance, triggered mentality, triggers, and stressors and warning signs.