Were you suicidal before having your first relationship? Did having a relationship help at all?

[PI3.14]

Basically the title.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I was suicidal long before my first relationship and I'm still suicidal now.

 

[AbsentMindedHuman]

I was suicidal before my first relationship and was naive in thinking that maybe having someone to share myself with would make things better but it in fact did the opposite. Love is messy and emotions are high.

 

[We Are Angels]

What relationship? Never had one.

 

[Sarros]

I was suicidal, before, during, and after my relationship. But I believe due to the unique circumstances surrounding that relationship, that if there's a next time, it will be different. It helped me know what it is I want out of a relationship and what things I can and cannot compromise on.

 

[PI3.14]

I was suicidal before my first relationship and was naive in thinking that maybe having someone to share myself with would make things better but it in fact did the opposite. Love is messy and emotions are high.

I can't form an opinion in this yet since I have never had a relationship.

 

[redkitsune98]

I was, but I was doing fine. Then i met my soulmate, the perfect man, and he was with me, but now he left, and i am gonna ctb soon

 

[waterrrrrrrrrbottel]

I was suicidal before, the relationship buffered it for a bit. I'm now deadset on suicide again.

 

[PI3.14]

I was suicidal before, the relationship buffered it for a bit. I'm now deadset on suicide again.

Are you still in the relationship? If not, is it now the reason you want or think of CTBing?

 

[Aloneandinpain]

Haven't even had my first kiss yet, so certainly no first relationship. Don't suppose I will ever have one, it really makes me feel like a complete failure.

 

[WildAtHeart]

Yea, heavily suicidal before my gf. Still with her now and still suicidal. She's the only thing stopping me.

 

[waterrrrrrrrrbottel]

Are you still in the relationship? If not, is it now the reason you want or think of CTBing?

I'm not. But it did help me realize that I'm more incompetent than I thought I was. And boy, that's saying something.

 

[cohomology]

I've never had a relationship.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm suicidal and have never had a relationship before but since most of my suicidality comes from this lack of a relationship then I at least want to believe that if I did have one then I would commit to stopping being suicidal.

 

[PI3.14]

I'm suicidal and have never had a relationship before but since most of my suicidality comes from this lack of a relationship then I at least want to believe that if I did have one then I would commit to stopping being suicidal.

I relate to this. It's easily 75% of my reason to even think of CTBing

 

[ezziiooo678]

wasn't really suicidal before, but after it was pretty bad

 

[ilikehamsters]

Yes, as i don't think a nine or ten year old can be in a relationship.
Did being in a relationship help? Different phase of my life, didn't melt down as much so i think so?

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

I can't remember, had my first girlfriend at 14 and I'm not sure when the suicidal ideation started. If relationship helps against suicidality? Not in my case, no. They can't take away my traumas. A couple of them even landed me with more.

 

[norain]

Yes, I had some tendencies, although I think that entering into the relationship made things a little worse because I engaged in toxic behavior and I currently feel in emotional shock.

 

[PI3.14]

I'm quite surprised that few of you have been part of a toxic relationship. Makes me wonder if having suicidal ideation and depression makes one more prone to be with the wrong people.

 

[Homulily]

My first relationship ended up with me having an eating disorder, a very incorrect view of what love is, and much worse self esteem.
Relationships have the potential to make you feel better but that then relies on that continued presence of that person, and for that person not to take advantage of you, or for things to continue working out between you two.
You can never be certain someone will stay, and one minute when you think everything is going fine, the next could have them wanting to break up with you.
The one I'm in right now has been lovely but, I'm still scared one day she'll lose interest in me for some other girl.
especially after my first relationship, and a few other abusive ones I was in.
it just leads to me thinking "okay she's being nice to me but how long will this last for?"
even though shes shown no signs ever of being angry at me.
Its so hard to shake the feeling that one day things will change, or somehow i'll ruin it all.

i was suicidal before it, and worse off afterwards.

 

[vitbar]

Suicidal before and during. Each stopped any ideation at first, but not permanently. Some worsened my issues during.

 

[greebo6]

I was suicidal before my first relationship and I will still probably be suicidal before ,during and after any other relationship I may have in whatever life span I have left. Although the chance of a relationship for me is now very sadly nil.

A quick observation on this subject:
Relationships are difficult for those with depression, anxiety and other baggage and weights you have to carry around with you.
If you get together with someone who has same problems , you can understand each other but can still drive each other mad.
If you get together with someone who doesn't have any of the same problems (they function okay , are happy, have never had depression , etc...) then they will often walk away sooner rather than later because they just cant handle it and get a kind of compassion fatigue after a while.
Its really not their fault .They care, they can love you , try their best to make it work but it all just gets too much for them and eventually they have to put their own happiness and future first.
However any relationship can turn toxic and go wrong regardless of who is involved but its just harder when you have these kind of issues.
But not impossible.
So if you are lucky enough to find someone special make the most of it and them. Don't let that bit of happiness pass you by.

 

[PixelPlant]

was suicidal way before having a relationship, and no it didn't get any better and I don't understand why it would. I can't maintain a relationship and I feel worse after it every time. I just don't see anything positive about being in a relationship.

 

[Twiceler]

Was close to find a relationship with a single girl from my circle once, got a short "no" to me, then immediately got back to my normal suicidal state.

 

[__dystop1a__]

Very suicidal during and after my first relationship. Not really before. I have BPD so everything goes together. He left me 3 months ago and I still cry every single day. I only get worse and worse and I know I will die soon.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Relationships are so exhausting and overrated. There are rare cases where they're not, but please don't feel like you're missing out if you've never had one.

 

[sevennn]

will never have one. i'm not human. and will never be. wont ever have anything human. no human experience. i live for nothing. just rot in my room. i'm amazed i haven't killed myself yet. just fear of physical pain holding me back. i'll never have anything normal. isolation and loneliness. when love and support are human needs. it's very very painful. i just need to die. i'm just scared of the pain it'll bring. it's cruel how the world won't let me go peacefully.

 

[Lostandlooking]

It's been so long ago I can't say for certain if I was suicidal before my first relationship. I know I was struggling with life though. But after it ended I definitely was suicidal, did dangerous stuff and started self harming.

I wasn't fully aware of the severity of my psychological problems and I thought I had found something really special. At the time I felt I made a deep connection with this person. When that ends it can be devastating. I think the relationship lasted a couple of months. But I was heartbroken for years after that. I'm okay now, and although I never think about that person anymore, it did leave some sort of mark. I've never felt a connection like that again, maybe I'm unable to feel that again, maybe it's to protect myself from getting hurt.

Not really sure what I'd like to add. It can work out sometimes, sometimes it doesn't. And every relationship leaves a mark. I feel sad about the fact that not everybody gets to experience a relationship. It can turn out good or bad, but to never have had the opportunity to form such a relationship may be even worse.

'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.'

Edit: spelling

 

[Tig]

Been suicidal for years since my wife passed, took years to find a way to deal with it, started another relationship that failed wildly as the woman turned out to be married.
Ready to CTB any day now, just looking for a partner.