My first relationship ended up with me having an eating disorder, a very incorrect view of what love is, and much worse self esteem.
Relationships have the potential to make you feel better but that then relies on that continued presence of that person, and for that person not to take advantage of you, or for things to continue working out between you two.
You can never be certain someone will stay, and one minute when you think everything is going fine, the next could have them wanting to break up with you.
The one I'm in right now has been lovely but, I'm still scared one day she'll lose interest in me for some other girl.
especially after my first relationship, and a few other abusive ones I was in.
it just leads to me thinking "okay she's being nice to me but how long will this last for?"
even though shes shown no signs ever of being angry at me.
Its so hard to shake the feeling that one day things will change, or somehow i'll ruin it all.
i was suicidal before it, and worse off afterwards.