Was going to kill my molestor

[instormdrains]

Tw sexual abuse incest
Not too long ago I realized my brother molested me on different occasions when I was 7 or 8 years old. I cant remember when my babysitter did it but I was 7-12. I remembered them doing it but it never really clicked that what they did to me was inappropriate until February. These events are probably why I subconsciously became really depressed when I was a kid and then as a late teen. I was so disgusted when all my memories came back that I was going to kill my brother. I would hear him on speaker when my parents called him and I would be so extremely angry and disgusted hearing his voice. If he lived with me i probably would have killed him since i wouldn't have time to process it. I still think about it but I won't go that far. Murder is not okay.

Im planing to confront him when he comes home from spring break and im gonna ask him for his device passwords to make sure he isn't a pedo. I pray that he isn't but hes into a lot of weird shit so im gonna delete all of it off his devices. (unless its cp thats going to cops) he abused me because of his porn addiction so if he keeps indulging in it hes only going to become more depraved. If he doesnt let me go through his stuff im probably going to beat the shit out of him until he does. Im not trying to sound like some super cool alpha male that can bench 405 btw. Im not a violent person and i dont want it to come down to that. Hes also skinny fat, always on discord and doesnt know how to fight so respectfully he won't win. I was teaching him how to workout and he could only do 15 pushups (no shame if people are out of shape but if your a molestor idc)

I volunteer around kids and I want to be a teacher so it breaks my heart seeing all these kids that I love thinking about how people take advantage of them. Being around kids probably triggered my memory.

He really did fuck up a big part of my life and now I struggle to sleep. He used to tell me to face the wall and close my eyes while hed master bate and id just stare at the shadows of the window blinds when the sun shined through them. He'd make me watch porn with him. My babysitter touched me in the shower and even though he never touched me I feel so much more hate and betrayal because it was incestuous. Is this a bad way to confront him. Mercy is always better than revenge so I dont want to fight him but he willdefinitely refuse. Please help and give me ideas on what to do. Not trying to glorify this or sound cool very ashamed of myself for wanting to hurt someone

 

[LastNite]

Have you ever considered reporting him? Like opening a case against him. Beating him for that information will only empower him in court. It could set him free. There's legal ways they can get his phone and information about his activities without breaking the law. For example, if Person A (a predator) has discord and brags about being a predator on there to his buddies or whatever and then in that discord he admits to something that lines up with your story then it could benefit you. Im pretty sure discord is required to save that data for legal cases. His phone can also be taken into evidence and searched.

I'm not 100% sure though. I dont know much about the law. I would really advise you to speak to a lawyer first to see if you even got a case or how you can build a case legally.

 

[instormdrains]

Have you ever considered reporting him?

I don't reallt have a case I was 7 or 8 and he was 12 or 13. It happened about 12 years ago. I see 2nd graders and middle schoolers all the time the maturity difference is massive and its very capable for one to prey on a child even if they arent even in highschool yet. Its just been so long and he didnt rape me so i dont have much ground to stand on. He has a very promising future so I dont want him to go to prison I want him to get better but the prison system is going to cook him. I dont want to ruin his record so this is the best i can really do tbh I need to get into his devices because if i dont hes just going to go back to school after break and nothing will really change. Edit- also my babysitter is like 70 something now so she's probably gonna die soon anyway (not wishing death on her but damn she's mad old)

 

[LastNite]

I don't reallt have a case I was 7 or 8 and he was 12 or 13. It happened about 12 years ago. I see 2nd graders and middle schoolers all the time the maturity difference is massive and its very capable for one to prey on a child even if they arent even in highschool yet. Its just been so long and he didnt rape me so i dont have much ground to stand on. He has a very promising future so I dont want him to go to prison I want him to get better but the prison system is going to cook him. I dont want to ruin his record so this is the best i can really do tbh I need to get into his devices because if i dont hes just going to go back to school after break and nothing will really change. Edit- also my babysitter is like 70 something now so she's probably gonna die soon anyway (not wishing death on her but damn she's mad old)

If that brings you genuine comfort, then good luck. I still wouldn't recommend forgiving him for it. If he ruined your life, then why shouldn't you ruin his? If you are serious about not wanting to look into whether you have a case with a lawyer, then after confronting him, you should cut ties. It's best for you not to talk to or see someone who ruined your life.

 

[cluefixphantom]

This is understandable. It's sad that such people exist who have fun and earn money with damaging children.

I wish I could be strong and erase my oppressors too, the people that discriminate me just because they like it, but they are like cancer. They spread so easly. I am just one disabled person and have no access to guns.

If I had been born in America, I might have ended up like Audrey Hale or Valerie Solanas. Maybe even like Lizzie Borden but I would get locked up because I am not rich, and nobody would give a fck. My room wouldn't become a museum lol. It's crazy how disadvantaged you are if you are poor. Other see me as scum or animal (in a bad way not a sweet cat or likable dog).

 

[ilovenewyork]

This kind of thing is very common. He was young, he's your brother. Maybe this is one to forgive and forget. Kids do silly things and it's not like life comes with a manual

 

[alligatorsister]

This kind of thing is very common. He was young, he's your brother. Maybe this is one to forgive and forget. Kids do silly things and it's not like life comes with a manual

Sexual assault isnt a "silly thing." This type of behavior is learned...
Is this a troll lol?

 

[aufrechtm7]

This type of behavior is learned...

No, not always.

To OP: It's good that you recognize murder is wrong…but assaulting someone if they don't obey is wrong too.

he abused me because of his porn addiction so if he keeps indulging in it hes only going to become more depraved.

Both of these things aren't necessarily true and I also know this because I've been involved one way or another with situations like this.

You really seem to be focused on accessing his devices over anything else, but it doesn't seem like you believe he has CSAM on there? If you think he does, then 100% report it to local authorities in a detailed report alongside your experiences (including with the babysitter).

You shouldn't try to access his devices at all because you're not gonna get anything productive out of it. Even if you do beat him up, you're not accomplishing anything or winning. If you confront him, it has to be a real conversation and nothing more.

 

[ilovenewyork]

Is this a troll lol?

No I'm just saying a 12 year old doesn't know what the hell they're doing. Not really about the right and wrong.
I think perhaps what you need is to have a private conversation with him and just talk it over like family members who care for one another. It's done now so there isn't any point in fighting

 

[aufrechtm7]

No I'm just saying a 12 year old doesn't know what the hell they're doing. Not really about the right and wrong.
I think perhaps what you need is to have a private conversation with him and just talk it over like family members who care for one another. It's done now so there isn't any point in fighting

Your wording is really off, not gonna lie

 

[violetforever]

I volunteer around kids and I want to be a teacher so it breaks my heart seeing all these kids that I love thinking about how people take advantage of them. Being around kids probably triggered my memory.

i have the same thoughts when i work with kids. they are truly so precious :c its the most disgusting thing in the world that someone could ever look at them with the intent to do harm. all i want to do is protect them so they never experience what i did in my own childhood but i know thats not always possible.

hes into a lot of weird shit so im gonna delete all of it off his devices

how do u know that? what is deleting it going to do? hes just going to search for it again and hide it better. u cant really get through to these types of people by yourself.

Not trying to glorify this or sound cool very ashamed of myself for wanting to hurt someone

it didnt come off that way at all. ive had thoughts of killing people for less. just thoughts, id never actually do it but yeah. i dont think your brother deserves a promising future while you suffer for years from what he did to you…

It's done now so there isn't any point in fighting

deflection is your solution? this is the type of thinking that keeps victims from speaking up and allows for abusers to get away with what they did. it doesnt appear "done" to me when the person who posted this thread says they still struggle years after the event.

 

[Warum]

every day the though is in my head as well. every sleepless night is plagued with nightmares and power fantasies of revenge. yet i am unabl to act upon these. i send much love to you.