Venting Was at a pub tonight

[DysphoriaKilledMe]

and saw a few hostesses/waitresses that were attractive, all the while my dysphoric self sat at the table eating his pizza and mozzarella sticks ruminating about what it would be like to be them. To go home, to look in the mirror and see someone beautiful staring back at them in the reflection. Each time I saw them walk by with their feminity, I wanted to take to just run home and chug some SN. I'm staying alive with no chance of me getting what I want, having the appearance that I so richly desire. I can't even get motivated to participate in my hobbies because living in a body I hate is just too damn overwhelming.

What is even the point of trying to make a life you hate, work? I'm just going to die anyways. I don't even know why I returned to this site. I guess to just rebut and argue with virtue signalers on this site who like to spew toxic optimism claiming things will get better when they don't have a damn shred of proof. Or to argue with people who somehow think that by calling me a "beautiful girl", it's going to make a difference in how I feel. Why would it? I don't see a beautiful girl when I look in the mirror. I see a man, and that is the problem.

My mother doesn't even understand how horrible dysphoria is. so they won't understand why it will lead me to taking my own life. They don't understand how jealous it is going to make me of the opposite sex. How resentful I am already. Unless you suffer from dysphoria. you'll never understand even in the slightest how it affects someone. It's not like we choose to feel this way. It's not like we only think about life as the correct sex once in a while. The thought crosses our mind, or at least my mind at least 95% of the day every day.

I hate myself, I hate my life. I just want out!

 

[Unending]

Dysphoria is indeed absolutely awful. It is a huge weighing factor why I can hardly walk into a store for 5 seconds without feeling like running home to a razor blade. Plus that, it makes me want to smash every mirror in my house and never leave the place again. It is seriously a torturous feeling.

 

[BipolarExpress]

Dysphoria is a real killer for a lot of trans people, and I'm sorry you're going through all this. :(

 

[Zegers]

having the appearance that I so richly desire. I can't even get motivated to participate in my hobbies because living in a body I hate is just too damn overwhelming.

I don't suffer from dysphoria but i feel you. I suffer from a disability and it happens to me when i see someone with a well-built physique.

 

[DysphoriaKilledMe]

I am in limbo. I know death is the only relief from this dysphoria, but I am unsure about bringing myself to do it.

 

[Silent.Tears]

Why were they banned??

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Why were they banned??

Hello! I am actually the owner of that account. That was my new account when I returned from a hiatus after self banning on this account. However, I was offered the chance to get this account back and have my new one banned, so I figured I may as well :)

 

[Silent.Tears]

@DeathDueToDysphoria Ohhhhh, hahahah. Congratulations on getting your original account back yaay!

 

[Exact Change]

I am so sorry for your struggle. But also....Thank you for your post. I have a trans daughter. Sometimes I get wrapped up in my own issues with her, I forget what she might be going through on a constant basis.

I forget that even when she smiles there is probably some feelings hidden behind the smile. I get frustrated when she becomes so moody and emotionally shifts so drastically. But now I realize that those swings in emotion may just be the constant pain slipping through to the surface.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is awful how so much endless suffering exists in this world, and that does sound unbearable what you have to endure. There certainly is nothing fair about this life and it must be so hard to deal with being unable to experience the life that you so desperately want. But I wish you the best. I also cannot stand it when people say 'it gets better', those people are so ignorant and they know nothing about what it's like to experience the other person's life. If people say that then it will just make others feel even more alone and isolated.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I can understand wanting/needing to be an attractive woman, but the truth of the matter is that there are many more unattractive women in society. I'm not dissing your concerns, please believe that. Do you think there could be any way to get to the point of being at least content with the idea of being one of the lesser attractive women in society? They have lives. They work, marry, go out with their friends, go shopping, join groups, etc. The only thing they don't have is attractiveness and, yet, most of them reach a point of acceptance with themselves and live their lives to the best of their ability, understanding they didn't get it all, especially what they would truly want, but can still have fulfillment in their lives. I know you know this too, but I'm sure there are a plethora of things you can do to improve your appearance if you so desire. I guess it really comes down to whether we can reach that point within ourselves somehow.