Discussion Was anybody else super empathetic/sympathetic as a child?

[Mocha]

I recently turned 18 but up until around 14 or 15 I was a super nice, sociable person that believed everything "fell into place", looks didn't matter, mental illness and disorder didn't matter. I was super kind to everyone because of this because I thought, there's no point in not being so. I gave people money, did what people asked, all that shit. But then I fell down an internet rabbit hole and had a huge epiphany; that being life in fact ISN'T fair, not everyone is a good person "deep down", studying and kindness dosen't mean people will like you nor will it guarantee success, all that garbage my parents and kids movies taught me kinda collapsed in my head. I was a stereotypical good boy and I didn't do anything bad and always went out of my way to help others. Sometimes I can't believe it took the Internet to come to the realization - I mean I noticed most of my peers were gossiping dickheads commonly taking advantage of others but I guess I didn't want to believe it was the "true them".

The truth is, there's not many genuine people out there. And those people who ARE genuinely giving, kind, emotionally reciprocal tend to be emotionally stunted like they're stuck in some limbo between child and adult. Those people are outcastes, and it's really sad because they're the same people who I wanted to be like and who I thought would win in life. Turns out most winners are cheating, superficial dickheads.

I think this "limbo", for me, was caused by the pandemic (and other personal events that took place during that period of time). I missed out on the phase where people figure out what it means to be an adolescent entirely, and I got stuck thinking nothing changed and I could treat life as if I was still a child and get the same result. I didn't rebel, or do anything fun or dangerous. I thought life was all about being a good boy and staying the course. This realization makes me want to CTB all the more, because not only do I not want to live life like that but I really can't. I'm just not physically or mentally built for it.

Anybody else go through this?

 

[Eternal Eyes]

I can relate to this, even though I am a bit older than you. I honestly feel I wasted my life going down the "straight and narrow" road, at least in my teens. I honestly think as a society we overly praise (let alone just tolerate) negative characteristics, I think we have done for many decades, but in the past few years it seems so much worse. It's a complete juxtaposition to what school teaches us, and in hindsight it feels so infuriatingly hypocritical.

The pandemic was my wake up call as well, when forced into staying at home I had way too much time alone with my mind, and went to some pretty surreal places. I honestly feel a different person post 2021. Like, random strangers may say hello while I walk outside, and I just want to ignore them. I read some old school reports a few weeks ago when clearing out the house, and I was surprised how many teachers considered me funny, attentive and polite.

I know it's a trotted out cliché, but nice people for the most part finish last, and I'd go as far to say that applies to both genders as well. There's some good people out there, but I feel the older I get the more I am becoming a wholly misanthropic anti-natalist which I certainly was not as recent as 5 or so years ago. Also yes, when I fantasise about CTB, my main thought is "Life just isn't made for people like me".

 

[CatLvr]

Yessir, I am cut from the same cloth as you. The old woman I am is astounded daily at how mean and mindlessly cruel amd rude most people are. I don't belong here.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

There is no such thing as having "never done anything bad before". Everyone has done something that, in the eyes of some, would be considered bad. I honestly don't like it when people talk about themselves as being these "good people" who are always kind because, at least from my experience, it nearly always ends up not being true. Most people who view themselves in such a manner usually fail to remember or acknowledge many of their past wrongdoings. Hell, even I was guilty of this back when I was a kid. Wasn't until middle school that it hit me that I was a much worse person than I originally assumed myself to be.

You are likely more rude and cruel than you realize. Those dicks around you also probably think the same way about themselves as you do. Most people are nice and kind in some capacity, including those who you view as bad people. Someone can be genuinely kind, emotionally reciprocal, and giving while also being a cheating superficial dickhead. None of those traits are mutually exclusive. People are complex and how they engage with others can change depending on context. Even most of the worst people you can think of still had their genuinely good qualities. Being kind and generous are not rare traits. Most people display those qualities to varying degrees.

 

[FoxSauce]

Honestly yes, to the point i try to see the good in everybody and help as much as I can but later realized people just used me when it benefits them back in school.

Sometimes being nice later bite me in the ass ofc I wont lie theres sometimes being nice and help feels good but theres always will be people that will try to use that against you.

Kinda also my fault since I trybto make excuses for people and I've way to nice to the point i get in trouble.

Furthermore is still surprisingly shocking how evil people can be maybe out of greed , lies , money and so forth.

Im well aware humans aren't perfect and is not a good thing to see things as balck and white, Im not even perfect either I do mistakes everyday so as everybody.


Ah crap my mind went blank- opps

 

[Mocha]

There is no such thing as having "never done anything bad before". Everyone has done something that, in the eyes of some, would be considered bad. I honestly don't like it when people talk about themselves as being these "good people" who are always kind because, at least from my experience, it nearly always ends up not being true. Most people who view themselves in such a manner usually fail to remember or acknowledge many of their past wrongdoings. Hell, even I was guilty of this back when I was a kid. Wasn't until middle school that it hit me that I was a much worse person than I originally assumed myself to be.

You are likely more rude and cruel than you realize. Those dicks around you also probably think the same way about themselves as you do. Most people are nice and kind in some capacity, including those who you view as bad people. Someone can be genuinely kind, emotionally reciprocal, and giving while also being a cheating superficial dickhead. None of those traits are mutually exclusive. People are complex and how they engage with others can change depending on context. Even most of the worst people you can think of still had their genuinely good qualities. Being kind and generous are not rare traits. Most people display those qualities to varying degrees.

I'm aware nobody is perfect, but I was the type of person who was scared of even hurting people's feelings as a child/young teen. I hated myself for not being perfect; not being enough for everybody, not getting perfect grades in school, not giving enough, all that. Now I'm not attempting to be some pure of heart Saint because I realized it truly doesn't matter all that much, in fact it's a detriment because people who are truly good (not saying they're perfect, but I've been around some pretty damn innocent folks) just get used by those around them and even get mocked for being kind and generous. I break rules more often, because it benefits me, and I mostly just avoid people. I only show empathy and give back to those who deserve it, and I am not (any longer) one of those who do so I don't expect anything from anyone around me besides basic decency.

 

[WishfulNeanderthal]

I was actually the opposite, but through the years i have become hyperempathic through some unknown reason. Thats why I take alot of breaks from viewing this website, it makes my heart hurt. Hugs for all.

 

[Mocha]

I honestly feel I wasted my life going down the "straight and narrow" road, at least in my teens.

Yep, same. I feel like I missed out on all the fun things that is expected of teenagers to do because I was scared of getting my hands a little dirty. It sucks to look back and see how empty my middle school and most of my HS years were because of how strict I was with myself, meanwhile the people who had all the fun and did all the crazy shit are doing just fine now and are much more fulfilled socially and personally than I am. But I guess with the way I was raised (and, I'd argue the way I look) I would've never fit in anyway.

 

[Neutron-Witch]

To the question posed in the title of the thread, yes. I used to be much more empathetic and compassionate as a kid than I am now. But instead of becoming disillusioned with the goodness of other people, it's more that I became disillusioned with the idea of being empathetic in the first place. It parallels the way my political and moral philosophical views have shifted from a utopian socialist/quasi-utilitarian worldview to an individualist anarchist/moral nihilist one.

When I was young, I had a strong belief in the inherent goodness of people, and felt it was only right to be kind and good to others. I know a lot of people come to reject the former once they grow up, but that's not how it happened with me. I still have a somewhat naïve and trusting view of people, probably because I interact with so few in my daily life. The change that I went through instead was coming to reject the idea that I have to be kind in the first place. I used to think it was practically one's duty to help others in any way you could, but these days I don't have the motivation to to go out of my way to do such a thing.

I still care somewhat for the well-being of others in an abstract sense, and I still want people to be taken care of; it's just that on the personal level, I don't really feel much compassion for individuals anymore, and I'm more willing to use others for personal gain on occasion.