Wanting to join my partner in death

[c0rbasson]

my partner committed suicide about 2 weeks ago. i can't keep waking up without him every day. i don't feel like i'm living anymore, i don't feel safe anywhere, i don't feel like i have a home anymore. i've had suicidal thoughts since i was 13 but i know that he'd done a lot more research into the actual methods. i don't want to live anymore but i'm also too scared to die. i'm a coward. especially after seeing everything that happened to him afterward, the way he called me on the phone after he took it, going to his funeral, seeing his body, seeing what happened to him and all his possessions. it was horrific. i want to die and be "with him" in whatever way i can, but now that he's gone, i'm the only one left to take care of our pets, and to prevent my parents from going through all our things. i wish he would have taken me with him. i'm so disgusted by myself. i don't want to live without him anymore but it feels like he left me no choice. it's not fair.

 

[jodes2]

Couldn't you give your pets to a good home and get rid of all your stuff? Are you considering living instead? Grief gets easier, it helps to make connections with people and look after yourself

 

[c0rbasson]

Couldn't you give your pets to a good home and get rid of all your stuff? Are you considering living instead? Grief gets easier, it helps to make connections with people and look after yourself

My pets could maybe go to my parents, but I'm worried about getting rid of our stuff because a) i'm going to have to go through all his things and i don't know if i have the energy for that and b) i'm worried my parents would notice (since i live with them) and take it as a red flag. It just feels unfair that he was able to do this without worrying about that because he knew I would be here still to do the hard work. I know that sounds selfish. I just wish if he knew he was gonna do this that we could have planned it together and make it easier for us both. Now I have no method either because the police took it.

 

[GasMonkey]

my partner committed suicide about 2 weeks ago

What method did he use?

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like such a painful situation to be in, and it's understandable just wishing to be free from all suffering. But anyway I wish you the best.