Wanting to find a point

[creaturecomforts]

Hi, this is the first time I'm posting a thread here. I'm a little nervous, I'm not sure if I should be posting this in recovery or in any other section. I just need to put my thoughts somewhere. I'm sorry if this is disorganized or in the wrong place.

Anyways, I'm having a hard time finding meaning in life. I can find fleeting enjoyment in small things, but it isn't enough to convince me that this is all worth it. Especially when the pain will always outweigh anything good. What I have to look forward to in my future is grief and loneliness, and I'm afraid. I have mental issues that make it hard for me to handle adulthood. When I was a kid, I knew about death, and I have always believed that life doesn't have a point, but somehow it didn't matter to me at all back then, I was just content in my existence. I want to go back to that. I want to be happy and I want life to be fulfilling, I want people to care about me. And I don't want to spend all my time worried sick about death but somehow still craving it. But I feel like I'm just going to be miserable for the rest of my existence and I feel like life isn't worth the pain.

 

[just_wanna_die]

I can relate to everything you said and I've never found any convincing answer to the question of "what is the meaning of life?".

In the end, I feel all life is pointless. Our "reward" for a long life is pain, sickness, and death. Everything we have in our life will eventually be lost. Does not matter if it was given to us or if we earn it with our own effort. We lose our grandparents, our parents, our pets, our friends (they move away, have a falling out, or die), we lose our siblings and/or children (if any, when they move away or die), we lose our jobs/careers (get laid off, retire, economy changes, etc..), we lose our money (most older people have lost theirs to taxes, inflation and/or swindlers, bad investments), we lose our homes (to fire, earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, foreclosure, lawsuits, etc...), we lose our spouse (divorce or death), we lose our youth, we lose our health, some may lose their memories, and eventually, we ALL lose our lives. Life is just one long string of losses. No matter what you try to do to live as long and as healthy as you can, you work hard, and it's all an exercise in futility, and you will still die. All we do in this life is kill time until time kills us.

 

[timf]

In the search for meaning in life there are many paths. Since I am a Christian, I will just talk about that one. Religion in general offers a variety of lines of inquiry. Christianity is so variously represented, that it can be quite difficult to sift through it all to find anything of value.

At the core, Christianity is about love. This is not the desire to receive affection, but defined in 1 Cor 13:4-7 as essentially selflessness. Some who come to consider suicide may have found that the world and all its attractions to hold no interest for them. The possibility of wealth, social prominence, or indulging every desire may come to be seen as pointless.

However, rather than despairing of life, such a perspective may open the door to an entirely different perspective, giving rather than taking. Some find fulfillment in volunteer work, like reading to the elderly. In the design of nature the natural selfishness of childhood is often replaced by selflessness when the child grows to become a parent.

We live in an historically unprecedented time of perpetuated childhood where selfishness flourishes. It is no wonder that people only infrequently discover that there is value in giving of oneself.

 

[tearsontoast]

I don't think the "meaning of life" serves any meaning. Think us as human animals like dogs and bugs—the ability to take breath is enough to justify the right to live.