wanting to die but no longer "suicidal?"

[fuyuu]

recently, i've been finding less and less meaning in life. and yet the suicidal urges are much less insistent than before. in the last week or two, i've don't even remember ever catching myself thinking about my plan that i'll probably never have the courage to carry through, how nice other methods seem, or imagining my death. but i still want to die. i still hate myself. i think the "killing myself" part has just been less appealing, or my mind no longer finds it ideal/convenient enough? has anyone else ever had this feeling? does this mean i'm recovering? (doesn't feel like it lol)

 

[U. A.]

I dare you to find me a single person who actually desires the experience of dying who isn't also a masochist.