wanting to ctb followed by wanting to live

[nitritegirl]

i literally got all the means to ctb yesterday but i couldn't do it. today i woke up crying but wanting to live. sent a message to my psychiatrist after months. i don't know what happened. i get these strong urges to ctb, research & buy the stuff, but instead of doing it i actually try to get help. it's so weird. but at the moment, i am glad that i am still here, somehow trying to find a way to stay.

 

[getoutgirl]

I am also very glad you are still here today <3
Take it easy. It will crash again, it does. But try to enjoy the now, and seize this period to brace and equip yourself for the next bad one, so when it hits it will periodically hit weaker, and you wont feel as bad as last night. You are strong, and you need that help. you'll get it :) but for now yeah, take those steps, and take them easy today <3

 

[TheFalseWidow]

Why did you want to kill yourself? Any of these things?

Family
Friends
Work
Lovers
Depression
Anxiety
Feeling like your someone else
Hearing voices
Worthlessness
Fatigue

I'm just spit-balling here, what is wrong?

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

Sending you all the luck that you can find recovery

 

[snooperdooper]

I was in ur exact same position. I am glad u are recovering but yeah being at the literal edge of death then being brought back really really sucks. You go through all that struggle and right when u've found a release life finds a way to bring u back. Hope things get better for u. Recovery is a sucky bumpy shitty road to happiness

 

[MapleS]

kinda got this. after my attempt which I failed because I decided to do so I've got a huge "I wanna live no matter what" and actually got through shit I normally wouldn't got throuh. And like every time when I wanna ctb VERY much is just followed by "I wanna live"
It's not the same though I guess

I'm glad that you got this boost too and that you wanna stay atm :3
I hope you will figure shit out. SaSu has actually VERY good self-help resorces in pinned threads.

Good luck and hope days will be bearable