wanting to CTB, but i have a boyfriend

[jerkbybile]

i feel as though i am simply not made for this world. the little that is required for me to make money and survive is too much on my mental health and on my body. so, i not only have an urge to die, but i know that i must or i will suffer immensely in later years.
my only concern is i have a boyfriend. i know once i leave this world, he won't exactly be a concern for me anymore, but it makes me hesitate to CTB at all. i do love him and he is supportive of me, but i cannot tell him that he is not enough to "heal" me through this action. it is nothing against him at all: i cannot expect one person to fix me or support me for the rest of my life. it is impossible to do and truly, it's a burden on him, whether he wants to admit it or not. i know he is attractive and sweet enough to find someone else. i just don't want this to break him, or to have him try to follow me. what should i do? how can i make my exit in these circumstances?

 

[cvury]

do what you wanna do yourself, never put others ahead of yourself or things will just go bad. i am in no way encouraging anything, im just telling it how it is. being selfless brings you nowhere in this world

 

[etherealgoddess]

i feel as though i am simply not made for this world. the little that is required for me to make money and survive is too much on my mental health and on my body. so, i not only have an urge to die, but i know that i must or i will suffer immensely in later years.
my only concern is i have a boyfriend. i know once i leave this world, he won't exactly be a concern for me anymore, but it makes me hesitate to CTB at all. i do love him and he is supportive of me, but i cannot tell him that he is not enough to "heal" me through this action. it is nothing against him at all: i cannot expect one person to fix me or support me for the rest of my life. it is impossible to do and truly, it's a burden on him, whether he wants to admit it or not. i know he is attractive and sweet enough to find someone else. i just don't want this to break him, or to have him try to follow me. what should i do? how can i make my exit in these circumstances?

I personally think that if you have a reason to live, you can't give up. You're holding on for a reason. You care about him because you still care about this earthly realm. I think this is a sign that you have to give life another chance. I know this is not the answer you are looking for, but leaving will absolutely crush his heart. I would be very traumatized if a partner committed. I would live my whole life with the guilt that I did something wrong. The answer you are looking for is how you can leave without breaking his heart. That's physically impossible.

You're not selfish for wanting to end it. I know how much pain it is that leads you here. But please just try again. Try to find medications to get the mental health under control. Find ways to cope with the physical problems. Find programs that can possibly give you financial aid for being disabled. Maybe it isn't in your country, but there could be a way to move to another country that has it. There can be nonprofits from other countries that can donate money and sponsor you. Try to find online organizations because I know something is there to help. Based on what you're saying, you want to live but feel like you physically can't. If you need help, I understand you're in discomfort. Message me, and I can do some research on how to help you in your situation.