want to kill themselves but afraid to die

[bornsinner]

is anyone here wants to kill themselves but afraid to die?

 

[Bumblebee]

Yes! What do you think you are afraid of about dying though?

 

[toomuchgrief]

Not afraid to die at all. But afraid that it not result in die, but result in coma/vegetable for the rest of your life while still alive.

 

[LonelyLight]

Yeah for sure! The unknown is always scary

 

[BlueWidow]

I have the opposite problem. I wish I could be dead without having to die or ctb. Though I'm not sure how that would work.
I'm not sure how I would get into a state of being dead without dying first. But dying is what scares me, the process of it. Once I'm dead I'm going to be fine.

 

[Life+me=error]

Sometimes I worry I will experience billions of years of nothingness.. Just black... Like floating in space with nothing around me..

But I feel that way only sometimes :) I know I will be nothingness and I will experience nothing.

 

[Bumblebee]

I have the opposite problem. I wish I could be dead without having to die or ctb. Though I'm not sure how that would work.
I'm not sure how I would get into a state of being dead without dying first. But dying is what scares me, the process of it. Once I'm dead I'm going to be fine.

I have spent at least 10 years wishing a terminal illness on myself.. i never see a doctor so im always just hoping what ever pain i feel is something that is going to kill me. (I dont ever tell anyone im in pain for what ever reason so i dont get forced to see a doctor to fix me)

 

[BlueWidow]

I have spent at least 10 years wishing a terminal illness on myself.. i never see a doctor so im always just hoping what ever pain i feel is something that is going to kill me. (I dont ever tell anyone im in pain for what ever reason so i dont get forced to see a doctor to fix me)

This is exactly the same thing I've been doing. Not quite as long is you but for the last 7 years.
I did recently give in and see a doctor after a year of my sister-in-law bugging me to do so. However, just as I expected, they didn't really do anything for me. All they recommended was a raise in my thyroid medicine that did absolutely nothing because I still feel exactly the same, and another antidepressant that gave me horrible side effects but didn't do anything to make me feel better, and the last thing the doctor said to me was go into therapy again. What's the point!

 

[toomuchgrief]

Not even afraid of pain or the process of dying, but if I'm going to plunge 1,000 feet to my death, I better be DEAD. Picture every SINGLE bones of your body broken, but you still breathing and laying in bed for the rest of your life while can't even lift a finger. Now that is scary.

 

[Bumblebee]

This is exactly the same thing I've been doing. Not quite as long is you but for the last 7 years.
I did recently give in and see a doctor after a year of my sister-in-law bugging me to do so. However, just as I expected, they didn't really do anything for me. All they recommended was a raise in my thyroid medicine that did absolutely nothing because I still feel exactly the same, and another antidepressant that gave me horrible side effects but didn't do anything to make me feel better, and the last thing the doctor said to me was go into therapy again. What's the point!

Maybe it is because we dont see a doctor and take the terminal illness causing pills...haa like i inhale some heavy chemicals in my jobs and i never try to be safe im unhealthy really but nothing?? My body wont eat itself alive but good people that want life get taken from us. Yeah maybe were doing it wrong haha

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I fear pain
I fear failing
I fear punishment
I fear being reborn

I don't fear non existence

 

[passenger27]

I'm not exactly afraid to die myself, but my girlfriend wants to ctb with me via the CO method, and I'm afraid one of us is going to wake up and the other one won't. But it's the only way I'd want her to go out, since it seems the most peaceful, and she agrees.

My problem is, I don't really want her to die, and I keep putting D-Day off. It's not sitting well with her, because she really wants out. She's having a lot of problems plus she's mentally ill. (The same with me.), and it doesn't seem fair to her to keep her from doing what she wants. I guess I'm being an asshole. But being a double thing, in a sense I guess I am afraid to die because I'm afraid for her to die.

 

[CrushedHopes]

I don't fear death. Just a few weeks ago, when I was still an egoist, I honestly thought that I would continue living on and on, up until I reach at least 100 years of age. Now, I not only think that's utterly ridiculous, but also not likely.

But that's besides the point. After coming to terms to my own failure and hopelessness in restarting, I've stumbled upon SS, and I feel relieved in knowing that I don't have long. I choose death because it will put an end to my sorry existence. Plenty of people, especially the less privileged, deserve my resources way more. I am taking matters into my own hands and I will do the right thing. Since I am going to have regrets and I am going to suffer for it anyway, then I'd much rather it'd be sooner than later.

 

[bornsinner]

Yes! What do you think you are afraid of about dying though?

that the fact I'm never going to wake up. I need to end my life but is kinda scary of dreamless sleep forever.
anytime I do a suicide attempt it takes a while for me to build up the courage to do it

 

[WhiteDespair]

It's not the destination that gives me pause. It's the journey.

 

[bornsinner]

I don't fear death. Just a few weeks ago, when I was still an egoist, I honestly thought that I would continue living on and on, up until I reach at least 100 years of age. Now, I not only think that's utterly ridiculous, but also not likely.

But that's besides the point. After coming to terms to my own failure and hopelessness in restarting, I've stumbled upon SS, and I feel relieved in knowing that I don't have long. I choose death because it will put an end to my sorry existence. Plenty of people, especially the less privileged, deserve my resources way more. I am taking matters into my own hands and I will do the right thing. Since I am going to have regrets and I am going to suffer for it anyway, then I'd much rather it'd be sooner than later.

there's no way I want to live till old age

 

[HosenA10]

I'm leaving next month, with each passing day I get more scared, I don't know what's happen if I fail, or what will happen after death. But I need to go, I have to face it.

 

[bornsinner]

I'm leaving next month, with each passing day I get more scared, I don't know what's happen if I fail, or what will happen after death. But I need to go, I have to face it.

i know how that feels. I'm thinking of making another attempt next month as well.
how are u planning to ctb? I'm using nitrogen gas

 

[n0505]

I fear pain
I fear failing
I fear punishment
I fear being reborn

I don't fear non existence

I fear pain
I fear failing
I fear punishment
I fear being reborn
I fear non existence
I am a coward... :(

 

[MeltingHeart]

is anyone here wants to kill themselves but afraid to die?

Of couse, very very much so!

 

[HosenA10]

i know how that feels. I'm thinking of making another attempt next month as well.
how are u planning to ctb? I'm using nitrogen gas

SN method.

 

[noctiva]

Yes, I can totally relate to your question. I fear the process of dying. Not death, don't get me wrong, but the point between taking the SN, fully alive and awake, and the state of being dead. The time between those two, that is what I am afraid of. I'm scared of what it feels like to die. Time and pain are concepts that the brain constructs, and I'm afraid of what the brain can do with that between SN ingestion and death.

 

[metalchic_74]

Yes but my fear is that I will go to hell

 

[ninthhokage]

Yes but my fear is that I will go to hell

I agree.

 

[GreyMonkey]

Yes. I fear death. want to go yet scared.

No longer care as much about my impact. Was telling my mum yesterday he much I want to go. She was being nice. Of course worried but I dunno. After telling her I feel more ok about that part.

Its just what happens to me that I'm scared of. I'm selfish.

 

[Santiago]

Nah I don't fear death. While literally nobody knows anything about what will happen once we die I believe that there won't be anything like an afterlife or whatever. Just nothing.

I do fear the act of dying, yes.

 

[ARW3N]

Yes, reminds me of my least favourite poem:

Resumé

By Dorothy Parker

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

 

[R_N]

Dying is scary. If I only had an insta-death button.

 

[Mizzmini45]

Nope in fact it gives me so much joy. Just afraid it won't work and I'll be in a worst situation

Not afraid to die at all. But afraid that it not result in die, but result in coma/vegetable for the rest of your life while still alive.

Exactly

 

[Despondent]

Yes, but sometimes it can be comforting to know that there is that option rather than existence. That's when I fear nothing and that's when I think dying isn't something for me to be afraid of.