Venting want to hangout with my friends more before ctb but they are busy

[LilGhost]

Pretty much self explanatory. I have few things I need to do before I ctb. Finish my farewell gifts, clean my room, give my clothes away, finish hollow knight and finish the ctb letters.

I want to spend more time with my friends before im gone. Like.... I feel lonely. I want to tell hangout, go to aquarium, do fun shit. But we had our exams recently and we dont have classes together. I asked one of my friends to hang out three different times, but nothing had happened. I understand that they dont do it malicious, thinking we have whole summer before next semester, thinking that i feel better... But i will be gone in next two weeks hopefully. Idk, I just feel sad that my last memories will be me crocheting alone.
I also fear that they will feel guilt or sad for not spending more time with me before my departure and I want them to let me go with light hearts. I fear i will end up having to leave the plushies in front of their doors not even seeing their faces in the last time (as I dont wanna force them to see me when they for example feel overstimulated)

 

[lenhater234]

Finish my farewell gifts, clean my room, give my clothes away, finish hollow knight and finish the ctb letters.

I'm sorry maybe this isn't a place to laugh but I love how one of your priorities before you CTB is finishing hollow knight

 

[a-lien]

I'm sry... Leave the plushies ? as a gift ? yours? aww..(that's the only think I will organice, what should happen with mine)

felt the way too in the past.. not really like others spending more time.. but when I would ask someone and the answer would be no(it was always no).. then I atleast need to wait... a bit.. that they not regret this or feel guilty..even if this were not friends.. (because I know how it is..)
sry that you feel lonely.. did you manage to meet them again.. since your post is a while ago ?

 

[LilGhost]

I'm sorry maybe this isn't a place to laugh but I love how one of your priorities before you CTB is finishing hollow knight

Lmao you are good. I already finished more serious shit like give away the debts, write down my bank account details, donated my plasma, now trying to register as an organ donor....
And hollow knight is literally my joy. I have 107% rn, 100% in silksong, just have to beat radiance and finish pantheons and id be good ^^. You like hollow knight too?

 

[LilGhost]

I'm sry... Leave the plushies ? as a gift ? yours? aww..(that's the only think I will organice, what should happen with mine)

felt the way too in the past.. not really like others spending more time.. but when I would ask someone and the answer would be no(it was always no).. then I atleast need to wait... a bit.. that they not regret this or feel guilty..even if this were not friends.. (because I know how it is..)
sry that you feel lonely.. did you manage to meet them again.. since your post is a while ago ?

My babies are going to my best friend (unless he'd prefer to donate them, that I would understand cause my plushies are just so me: sharks and Pokémon's. I used to carry Steeve everywhere in my bag (Shark plushie I got from Fahlo you can also track real sharks with) so I would understand if he wouldn't wanna have smth that reminds of me to much))
And I also made this so far

And yep, I did manage to meet with them and gave that pal away! But I could talk only to one out of three friends cause two of them were fighting

Also, I'm sorry you've experienced it too. I very hope you'll be able to find people who deserves you and respect your time

 

[eggsausagerice]

I want to spend more time with my friends before im gone. Like.... I feel lonely. I want to tell hangout, go to aquarium, do fun shit. But we had our exams recently and we dont have classes together. I asked one of my friends to hang out three different times, but nothing had happened. I understand that they dont do it malicious, thinking we have whole summer before next semester, thinking that i feel better... But i will be gone in next two weeks hopefully. Idk, I just feel sad that my last memories will be me crocheting alone.

me too honestly. i've been feeling really alone. it would do me good to spend more time with my friends and i've been trying really hard to plan things with them and be around them because i know that i would hate to die not having hung out with everyone first instead of only a few people from the group. i don't go to college anymore so i mostly rely on when they're free to do stuff and schedule. i can't afford to postpone to later in the summer because the heat will make it harder for me to get to my ctb location. i also need to write that my dolls will go to my best friend and my camera collection will go to my sister. it's very very hard for me to not ruminate and contemplate suicide when i spend an entire day by myself without anything to look forward to. it feels hard to sustainably live like this. i feel jealous of my friends a lot of the time for having people close to them or not feeling like social outcasts, but i know that's why i want to kill myself and why they don't. sometimes i feel like the only thing i'm good for is being someone's friend instead of being a person. the thought that i can only feel good if i'm useful to someone else makes me feel really empty.

finish hollow knight

i'm also going to try to finish some visual novels, manga, and anime before i go, which is why i chose to postpone. it's kind of lame, but i feel really happy to have the chance to reread goodbye eri and goodnight punpun. i hadn't read goodbye eri since i was in high school, and i wouldn't have been able to read it if i chose to die earlier in may. i still dread having so much free time, though.

 

[lenhater234]

Lmao you are good. I already finished more serious shit like give away the debts, write down my bank account details, donated my plasma, now trying to register as an organ donor....
And hollow knight is literally my joy. I have 107% rn, 100% in silksong, just have to beat radiance and finish pantheons and id be good ^^. You like hollow knight too?

Ooo makes sense then!! Made me remember how I need to do all this important stuff too lmao.. That's so cool omg!!! Id love to play hollow knight one day but I just haven't had the time or energy lately. It looks like such a cool game!

 

[LilGhost]

me too honestly. i've been feeling really alone. it would do me good to spend more time with my friends and i've been trying really hard to plan things with them and be around them because i know that i would hate to die not having hung out with everyone first instead of only a few people from the group. i don't go to college anymore so i mostly rely on when they're free to do stuff and schedule. i can't afford to postpone to later in the summer because the heat will make it harder for me to get to my ctb location. i also need to write that my dolls will go to my best friend and my camera collection will go to my sister. it's very very hard for me to not ruminate and contemplate suicide when i spend an entire day by myself without anything to look forward to. it feels hard to sustainably live like this. i feel jealous of my friends a lot of the time for having people close to them or not feeling like social outcasts, but i know that's why i want to kill myself and why they don't. sometimes i feel like the only thing i'm good for is being someone's friend instead of being a person. the thought that i can only feel good if i'm useful to someone else makes me feel really empty.


i'm also going to try to finish some visual novels, manga, and anime before i go, which is why i chose to postpone. it's kind of lame, but i feel really happy to have the chance to reread goodbye eri and goodnight punpun. i hadn't read goodbye eri since i was in high school, and i wouldn't have been able to read it if i chose to die earlier in may. i still dread having so much free time, though.

I understand. Im on college summer break myself, so kinda same situation. I am finishing pride bracelets and planning to leave it at my friends door without even seeing them (in case they dont want to see me, to tired, etc) and then Im gone. Cant postpone it either cause my parents wants me at my home country soon and Id rather die then see my mother for fucking months.

Also, camera collection sounds super cool!

i feel like the only thing i'm good for is being someone's friend instead of being a person. the thought that i can only feel good if i'm useful to someone else makes me feel really empty.

I am sorry to hear it. Do you have any hobbies? (I assume photography (but that could also be a job)). I feel like for me, my hobbies are something that makes me feel a person.

Not to overstep or sound weird (xd), but I feel very alone too. Sometimes having just someone around is what enough, so if you want, i can give you my discord and we can do a craft night or somnething like that (two people doing their own shit while existing nearby each other), but no pressure tho. Just thought thats smth cool, but I would understand if it doesnt sound so for you

Ooo makes sense then!! Made me remember how I need to do all this important stuff too lmao.. That's so cool omg!!! Id love to play hollow knight one day but I just haven't had the time or energy lately. It looks like such a cool game!

Hollow knight is PEAK. Can highly recommend. I literally feel emotionally connected to the Ghost (the mc) and one silksong boss made me almost cry (cogwork dancers. Im learning the theme on piano rn). Also, good luck with all things you have to do!

 

[eggsausagerice]

(I assume photography (but that could also be a job)).

i wish i did photography as a job lol. i love photography but i'm nowhere close to a professional and don't have any expensive gear. it's just 2000s era digicams. it made me happy back in high school, though i hardly take photos now since i feel too socially anxious to leave my house. i used to do a lot of nature photography. i remember one morning where i woke up at 10 and squinted trying to take photos at my neighborhood lake because it was so sunny. i usually got stares when i took my photos when it wasn't night time so i feel self conscious about it now. i'm into fashion, thrifting, dolls (recent, i got a doll on my birthday and i started buying more), reading manga, reading visual novels. i also like modding consoles and try to convince people to let me mod theirs. my most recent project has been modding a psp and uploading anime i'll never have the time to watch on it. it'll be inherited, so i'm just imagining my sister getting to see my collection when i'm gone. i don't know if she'll really want my things, but she's the one who gets to have them since we usually share.

Not to overstep or sound weird (xd), but I feel very alone too. Sometimes having just someone around is what enough, so if you want, i can give you my discord and we can do a craft night or somnething like that (two people doing their own shit while existing nearby each other), but no pressure tho.

i figure i'm too antisocial to make new friends, but i appreciate your offer. it just goes badly for me a lot of the time. it's cool that you make prife bracelets and play piano.

 

[Pluto]

 

[LilGhost]

i wish i did photography as a job lol. i love photography but i'm nowhere close to a professional and don't have any expensive gear. it's just 2000s era digicams. it made me happy back in high school, though i hardly take photos now since i feel too socially anxious to leave my house. i used to do a lot of nature photography. i remember one morning where i woke up at 10 and squinted trying to take photos at my neighborhood lake because it was so sunny. i usually got stares when i took my photos when it wasn't night time so i feel self conscious about it now. i'm into fashion, thrifting, dolls (recent, i got a doll on my birthday and i started buying more), reading manga, reading visual novels. i also like modding consoles and try to convince people to let me mod theirs. my most recent project has been modding a psp and uploading anime i'll never have the time to watch on it. it'll be inherited, so i'm just imagining my sister getting to see my collection when i'm gone. i don't know if she'll really want my things, but she's the one who gets to have them since we usually share.


i figure i'm too antisocial to make new friends, but i appreciate your offer. it just goes badly for me a lot of the time. it's cool that you make prife bracelets and play piano.

The scene you described sounds cinematic! Loud music in big headphones usually helps me (so less people will try to talk to me because im clearly cant hear them), but I understand if that doesnt quite work for you. I dunno, it just sounds like smth that if you'd do would bring you lots of joy. Maybe shooting in a forest when nobody around could help? Also, W thrifting. Just recently thrifted a vest and i made a spine on it. Your hobbies sounds cool! For me, Im myself is my hobbies, so maybe trying to see yourself as a person through them could work for you also? Like, having such hobbies already prove that you are good not only for being a friend (doesnt matter professionalism, imho, if there is passion, you are already good for it). I rlly hope your sister will like your collection

I understand. Wasnt an offer to be friends tho, cause well... I fear ill be gone in too short of a time for that, it was more like yapping with a stranger, sharing art in real time, type shit. Do wish you well anyway!

 

[Spit On My Grave]

If they are busy then fuck them. Let me be honest with you hear, being busy is not an excuse. You always have 1-2h of free time

 

[LilGhost]

If they are busy then fuck them. Let me be honest with you hear, being busy is not an excuse. You always have 1-2h of free time

Nope. Have to defend them here ^^. They are good people, one of them is literally my chosen family. They might not hang out 24/7, but that doesnt inherently mean they should go fuck themselves. I will always be grateful and I know, if they could change something, I would tell them what I wanna do and they'd do everything to help me. I am being alive for past 2 months, thanks to my bro. He noticed 2/2 times when i was in a wrong mind, planning to ctb in few days and both times helped me. Hell, he even bought my (not cheap) disability aids when himself wasnt loaded on money, not even expecting it back (which for me meant a lot). And thats just a snippet of good things that were done:). I will indefinitely be grateful and trying to repay rn as some last shit I need to do. They have their own problems and things they need to deal with after what they dont want to see people and they think we have all summer ahead. It was me more whining cause I understand that my own departure without last hang out would hurt them, cause they'd be like "Oh no, I missed my chance to see the Ghost last time" or thinking that if we'd hang out they could have change smth.
So yeah... imho, sometimes being busy is pretty valid of an excuse

 

[Spit On My Grave]

Nope. Have to defend them here ^^. They are good people, one of them is literally my chosen family. They might not hang out 24/7, but that doesnt inherently mean they should go fuck themselves. I will always be grateful and I know, if they could change something, I would tell them what I wanna do and they'd do everything to help me. I am being alive for past 2 months, thanks to my bro. He noticed 2/2 times when i was in a wrong mind, planning to ctb in few days and both times helped me. Hell, he even bought my (not cheap) disability aids when himself wasnt loaded on money, not even expecting it back (which for me meant a lot). And thats just a snippet of good things that were done:). I will indefinitely be grateful and trying to repay rn as some last shit I need to do. They have their own problems and things they need to deal with after what they dont want to see people and they think we have all summer ahead. It was me more whining cause I understand that my own departure without last hang out would hurt them, cause they'd be like "Oh no, I missed my chance to see the Ghost last time" or thinking that if we'd hang out they could have change smth.
So yeah... imho, sometimes being busy is pretty valid of an excuse

I am so PERFECT and believe me when I say being busy is not an excuse I mean it. I was working studying and hanging out and I never felt that tired.

 

[LilGhost]

I am so PERFECT and believe me when I say being busy is not an excuse I mean it. I was working studying and hanging out and I never felt that tired.

we all have our different capacities, different problems and different mental/physical health. If YOU can do that, it just means that you have different problems/capacity from those who cant. I am happy for you that you are that productive, but people are different and it is important to keep in mind ^^. If you are "perfect", doesnt make those who are different from you lesser of people / worse

 

[Spit On My Grave]

we all have our different capacities, different problems and different mental/physical health. If YOU can do that, it just means that you have different problems/capacity from those who cant. I am happy for you that you are that productive, but people are different and it is important to keep in mind ^^. If you are "perfect", doesnt make those who are different from you lesser of people / worse

You are not lecturing me right?
Let me tell you something..
First, get off your heigh horse.
Second, my dad was hyper active at 69 even though he had serious mental health issues.
I do not want you to get fooled again.

 

[LilGhost]

You are not lecturing me right?
Let me tell you something..
First, get off your heigh horse.
Second, my dad was hyper active at 69 even though he had serious mental health issues.
I do not want you to get fooled again.

Nope, I was merly sharing my perspective. Welp, I guess we have to have different opinions then. I wouldnt find further discussion productive, since we have different life experiences and the argument is based on that rather than facts and statistics. I appreciate your attempts to warn me, but I choose to love and trust my chosen family. If that choice is wrong, well, that would be solely my responsibility and my mistake. I alone will be the one who's facing the consequences of my actions, hence I know I wont regret even if you end up being right.
Thank you for your concern anyway

 

[wine is fine but]

if you absolutely positively have to end your life soon, i hope it is everything you want it to be
if you decide to not end it soon, i hope you can somehow find a way to enjoy your life and be happy to continue living

 

[SoCloseSoFar]

i know how you feel. i haven't seen my bff in forever. sometimes i feel like if i died tomorrow, she'd be too busy working to attend my funeral(if i had one, i truly don't want one)

 

[LilGhost]

if you absolutely positively have to end your life soon, i hope it is everything you want it to be
if you decide to not end it soon, i hope you can somehow find a way to enjoy your life and be happy to continue living

Thank you. Your kind words mean a lot . I hope you'll be able to find peace, in any way it means to you

i know how you feel. i haven't seen my bff in forever. sometimes i feel like if i died tomorrow, she'd be too busy working to attend my funeral(if i had one, i truly don't want one)

Thats truly sad. I understand you and I hope both of us get to spend some quality time with people that matter before its late