Venting Want to find courage

[Alias Pluto]

All day long I say "kill me please" and pretend that certain sounds like the heat turning on are telling me "ok." I'm a piece of shit, incompetent, overstimulated by too much technology and no love. I can't raise my son like this anymore. I just lay down all day these days when I used to take pride in running. I don't care anymore, this has been a cycle for my whole life. This spiral never ends. I texted my only friend yesterday that people should be allowed to have the choice to leave this world by suicide in a humane and peaceful way. He hasn't replied. I wish we could start a real movement to take down pro lifers and the system. I would join that. Instead my energy just goes to draining everyone. Drain drain drain. I had a doctors appointment today and was miserable leaving it because he doesn't know what's wrong with me. I delete peoples phone numbers so that I won't bother them anymore. The only social media I have is SoundCloud and I deleted everything off of that. I need to find the courage to jump off a very high place. Hanging grosses me out. Give me the courage to not be grossed out by that. I threw all my shit around the basement and broke a bunch of crap. I hate myself and want to disappear. This site is a great resource but it's still just more screens and rabbit holes that I go down. Somehow I need to find the courage to end this sad lonely life.

 

[ke9]

I hear you. Feel like this so much, it's just destroyed my soul.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also wish for a peaceful way to just be gone, I see so much cruelty in how that is denied with suffering seen as to force and prolong no matter what instead, I'd personally never wish for the suffering of this existence rather I just want peace.