Help Want advice about an old situation with my friends

[scarlet-pixie]

Hi there, i'm looking for advice on what to do regarding a certain event thats been bothering me over the past two weeks.

Back in March an ex-friend (A) of mine was planning to CTB. Another friend (B) brought this up in my group chat consisting of them, me and two other friends, as they were afraid A was going to kill herself. The conversation lead to B calling emergency services, who sent the police to intervene. It ended up making her call her attempt off, and A still doesn't know that it was B who did that, and thinks that another friend was the one did it.

I've been contemplating whether I should tell the truth to Friend A or not. At the time I just went along with it like I do with most things but now I just feel awful that I was even involved with this at all. They were vulnerable, B was supposed to be their friend and instead they took her agency away from her and it was just wrong and cruel.

I had been hesitating about this since before I knew if i did so that it would be obvious it was me and I was scared it would ruin my relationship with B and the others, but now B has made me homeless and I guess i'm not worried about that anymore. I also worry I might be thinking about this again due to their actions towards me, as cruel as they were I don't want to start acting out of spite either. Although i'm also worried that it if i do this it might be perceived as such.

I'm not really sure what to do or think here. Considering whats currently going on in my life i'm not even sure why im still thinking about this.

 

[AprilsOrangeSpring]

My advice, and I'm an idiot so keep that in mind.

you should consider if it's helpful to bring it up to A at all.
Maybe A is doing better and bringing it up will just cause it to be worse. Or maybe you know that A would want to know that information.

I usually think it's someone's right to know the truth regardless of what the situation is, but since this was a sensitive and vulnerable time for A, it's important to be cautious.

If A has moved on and is doing better, I wouldn't say anything. If A is in a state where they might be unpredictable(like if they're having a manic episode or smth that prevents them from making an informed and rational decision), I wouldn't say anything. Whether or not A is in a position to know this information, is your call.

Sometimes, certain information seems important to us, but it's just not helpful to the other person. Bringing it up when you know A wouldn't care, I might consider that spiteful. I can't exactly tell you what to do, but just be careful not to make any impulsive decisions.

Also, in my opinion, If you know bringing this up will cause unnecessary harm or stress to your life, I say don't do it. Sometimes you have to put yourself first, you can call that selfish but it's true.

 

[scarlet-pixie]

My advice, and I'm an idiot so keep that in mind.

you should consider if it's helpful to bring it up to A at all.
Maybe A is doing better and bringing it up will just cause it to be worse. Or maybe you know that A would want to know that information.

I usually think it's someone's right to know the truth regardless of what the situation is, but since this was a sensitive and vulnerable time for A, it's important to be cautious.

If A has moved on and is doing better, I wouldn't say anything. If A is in a state where they might be unpredictable(like if they're having a manic episode or smth that prevents them from making an informed and rational decision), I wouldn't say anything. Whether or not A is in a position to know this information, is your call.

Sometimes, certain information seems important to us, but it's just not helpful to the other person. Bringing it up when you know A wouldn't care, I might consider that spiteful. I can't exactly tell you what to do, but just be careful not to make any impulsive decisions.

Also, in my opinion, If you know bringing this up will cause unnecessary harm or stress to your life, I say don't do it. Sometimes you have to put yourself first, you can call that selfish but it's true.

This is actually quite helpful thank you. Your first point is a bit hard to gage since A isn't really someone I want to interact with that much. I don't have any ill will towards them I just don't really feel they are the type of person I want to be around. I could try asking directly or speaking to my other friend about how they're doing I suppose.

I am going through a lot right now so your last bit definitely rings true.