almost dead mota
Tomorrow never comes
- Aug 15, 2024
- 21
I just moved close to my wife... 6 minutes on a bike close :| the person who makes me feel ill the moment I think of them. Now is so close not only physically but mentally. I wanted to now just find a job and eventually buy a gun, I even tried to see if I could move on and change my depression again but of course that immediately failed. My mother talked to me about my life's prospect and it made sense at first because it looks like it makes sense for them. Like they can do all this self love things and actually do stuff and have a desire to meet random people. It makes sense but it doesn't make sense for me I just don't feel that way. To me everything feels boring and so not worth it. I don't want it to feel that way but it does there's nothing I can do about it. I want to play guitar, I want to exercise, I want to find interesting people etc and at the same time I fucking hate videogames, playing guitar, exercising and especially I despise people etc. I used to love it but now anything is a living hell, especially alone and I AM ALWAYS ALONE, in both body and especially spirit. And now that I open maps and see how close my wife is who abandoned me... I panicked. I am panicking right now. I know that this is a fresh emotion but I really feel like I could stab myself in the heart tomorrow, go to the lake where she lives at and just wait to die while watching the ducks. I feel so bad I want to scream for hours. Everything is wrong. Why is this happening to me? I need to die NOW. I need help
