Venting Wanna go already

[FailerQt.]

I really really wish I could go already. However, the coward I am doesn't allow me to. I chose to go by inert gas asphyxia eventually because it's painless and very successful method. I have done majority of the research for now. The only thing I am missing is the money. Didn't really want to go to manual work, but I don't have another choice. I am in debt already and can't even afford food at this point. Hopefully I'll earn just enough in April to ctb at my approximately scheduled time. I really wish I could do it now. Life has just been too unfair and difficult for the past year and can barely stand it now. Imagination of having to do some job I absolutely despise just to have money doesn't even bother me that much anymore. I just keep repeating to myself "I just need to last a few more weeks and I'm gone". But that waiting, I hate it..
I want to apologize if the post doesn't really make any sense or is pointless, but this is really the only place where I can share honest feelings without being sent the stupid number and being told to seek help. There is no help, not anymore. I already tried to get so called "professional" help, but it was only a waste of money and a big scam. There is just not a future I can look forward to or future worth living in for me.
Again, I am sorry for maybe pointless post

 

[uniqueusername39]

i hear you. i got a job just for ctb purposes as well.

 

[WorthlessCoward]

I sympathize with the cowardly part

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Imagination of having to do some job I absolutely despise just to have money................................

Not meaning to diminish your situation, but that sounds like 75% of the working populace.

 

[Zegers]

Best wishes in whatever you do

 

[FuneralCry]

It's very much understandable just wishing to be gone from this hellish world, at least to me existing here where we are just destined to suffer and deteriorate from age could certainly never be worth it. It's undeniable that any "help", is a scam designed to delude people so that they prolong their torment, there is no peace from suffering in this world and the reality that life is something that is so incredibly awful. But anyway I wish you the best and I hope that you eventually find the freedom that you search for.