monetpompo
god is dead and santa killed him
- Apr 21, 2025
- 817
don't want to leave my bed. didn't get my license this year so i dropped out of college. i can't go back until i get a license because my dad is too busy with his work to drive me. no one is able to help me get a license and i don't want to make my mom pay hundreds in lessons to make me keep going to lessons if none of them will stick. i don't want to total my dad's car by practicing in it. he doesn't trust me driving on the main road because he thinks i'll get into a car crash.
i don't care about having a future. i want people to shit up and stop telling me i have a future when there is no future. if i'm going to be extremely unmotivated and suicidal and lack the resources to get better, then i'm only going to get worse, because life doesn't get any better or more meaningful just because you're going through a hard time. you just keep going through a hard time because you haven't killed yourself yet. and not killing yourself isn't the achievement people think it is, because it isn't easy or accessible to most people. it's easier to lay in bed like a living corpse and jerking off to get dopamine you would get from social interaction and fulfillment than it is to kill yourself. people don't wanna talk about how society hates you more for bumming around than it does for suicide. if i wasn't a neet i would be homeless and on the street in the cold. i wouldn't succumb to starvation, so maybe i'd just die from the cold.
i think about running away and throwing my phone in a sewer drain sometimes. going downtown and taking a greyhound bus to a city i've never gone to so that i can be somewhere besides home. but i don't have enough money to be doing that and i would just become homeless. i don't hope that things will change or that a trip out of town will save me. it's cheaper and more realistic to lay in bed and be miserable. i feel like everyone has that running away fantasy when their whole life is just the same day stacked on top of each other. being a neet makes me want to kill myself.
my health overall has been getting worse as i lay in bed more and eat garbage food. being told to exercise and eat healthy is annoying even if it's something that would help me. i don't know how to cook and i have anemia and asthma, so i feel lightheaded whenever i try to do anything besides light walking or biking. i used to bike outside more often but my tailbone kept hurting so i stopped. i'm generally just tired of people in better situations than me telling me stuff that they have access to (gym, cooking, relaxed home environment, transportation) and telling me i should do what they do. i'm stuck in my home. i have no opportunities living in my town. i do not care if i die and the people around me aren't close enough to me to really be impacted by my death. my mom and my dad will pretend that my life was worth living even if i spent most of my life getting yelled at by them and being given money or food to try and maks up for it. my sister will know why i killed myself even though i only told her a little about my thoughts. my friends will think i just ghosted them.
i don't care about being young. i don't care if i have opportunities. i don't care if i'm "supposed to live". my sister, my friends, and my family can all keep on living their lives regardless of if i'm in it or not. i am full of negativity and negative people aren't wanted in this world. for all my life i've only wanted to fit in. i can't meaning in anything if it's all just for nothing. i'll never be someone's closest friend and i'll never be important to anyone. i just get forgotten about. i won't fit in even when i'm dead.
i don't care about having a future. i want people to shit up and stop telling me i have a future when there is no future. if i'm going to be extremely unmotivated and suicidal and lack the resources to get better, then i'm only going to get worse, because life doesn't get any better or more meaningful just because you're going through a hard time. you just keep going through a hard time because you haven't killed yourself yet. and not killing yourself isn't the achievement people think it is, because it isn't easy or accessible to most people. it's easier to lay in bed like a living corpse and jerking off to get dopamine you would get from social interaction and fulfillment than it is to kill yourself. people don't wanna talk about how society hates you more for bumming around than it does for suicide. if i wasn't a neet i would be homeless and on the street in the cold. i wouldn't succumb to starvation, so maybe i'd just die from the cold.
i think about running away and throwing my phone in a sewer drain sometimes. going downtown and taking a greyhound bus to a city i've never gone to so that i can be somewhere besides home. but i don't have enough money to be doing that and i would just become homeless. i don't hope that things will change or that a trip out of town will save me. it's cheaper and more realistic to lay in bed and be miserable. i feel like everyone has that running away fantasy when their whole life is just the same day stacked on top of each other. being a neet makes me want to kill myself.
my health overall has been getting worse as i lay in bed more and eat garbage food. being told to exercise and eat healthy is annoying even if it's something that would help me. i don't know how to cook and i have anemia and asthma, so i feel lightheaded whenever i try to do anything besides light walking or biking. i used to bike outside more often but my tailbone kept hurting so i stopped. i'm generally just tired of people in better situations than me telling me stuff that they have access to (gym, cooking, relaxed home environment, transportation) and telling me i should do what they do. i'm stuck in my home. i have no opportunities living in my town. i do not care if i die and the people around me aren't close enough to me to really be impacted by my death. my mom and my dad will pretend that my life was worth living even if i spent most of my life getting yelled at by them and being given money or food to try and maks up for it. my sister will know why i killed myself even though i only told her a little about my thoughts. my friends will think i just ghosted them.
i don't care about being young. i don't care if i have opportunities. i don't care if i'm "supposed to live". my sister, my friends, and my family can all keep on living their lives regardless of if i'm in it or not. i am full of negativity and negative people aren't wanted in this world. for all my life i've only wanted to fit in. i can't meaning in anything if it's all just for nothing. i'll never be someone's closest friend and i'll never be important to anyone. i just get forgotten about. i won't fit in even when i'm dead.
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