Discussion Waking up to hell?

[Fadeawaaaay]

Did anybody recently wake up and realize you've been living a lie?

Deep down I've always known that I've been failing my way through life but have tried to keep it hidden from others and ultimately myself. It seemed absolutely crucial to stay positive assuming certain things would eventually manifest into something solid and enduring.

Recently, with my career crumbling, I ended up pinning all my hopes and dreams on a relationship. But after a couple years, I think she realized I was not the man she was hoping I would be. And so she ended things.

And all at once I realized that I've been fooling myself and others for decades. All of my peers have been building solid lives with careers and families owning their own homes and financial security. While I was pretending everything was going to be OK.

And now every time I wake up from sleep I am struck with terror realizing all the mistakes I've made going back even to grade school. Avoiding responsibility at every turn. Self sabotaging and ruining opportunities. Quitting at the first hint of a setback. Always taking shortcuts.

And now waking up and realizing it's been an entire lifetime following the same pattern. It's too late to change. This is who I am. I have no desire to end my life. But living in utter failure And facing further decline is pointless.

Im just bloviating. But maybe others who feel similar will take comfort in knowing you are not alone.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hate waking up and I am very tired of it, it is always depressing to realise that I have not passed away in my sleep. I'm sorry that you are suffering so much, I know that it can be awful when everything seems so hopeless. I wish you the best.

 

[Hurt]

Waking up in this hell of life is horrible. Thats why I like to sleep a lot.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Did anybody recently wake up and realize you've been living a lie?

Yes. Very much so.

 

[Doombox]

I've marveled at the parade of mistakes that is my life. I too always thought it would come together. In my case, I think I did my best, but my circumstances were hopeless and I was never destined to succeed. I don't know how it could have turned out any other way than it did. Some people end up in the beautiful house and some don't...I just ended up in the latter pile. I'm not even resentful; I just wish I could admit defeat and bow out quietly without all the fear and complications involved in suicide.

 

[Why Me?]

All of my peers have been building solid lives with careers and families owning their own homes and financial security. While I was pretending everything was going to be OK.

And now every time I wake up from sleep I am struck with terror realizing all the mistakes I've made going back even to grade school. Avoiding responsibility at every turn. Self sabotaging and ruining opportunities.

This has been my excruciating painful reality, but clearly I was born with a malfunctioning autistic brain, medical issues, 2 psycho parents, and etc, so how much blame can I put on myself? However, it's still unfortunately my reality, at 41, stuck in a bedroom in somebody else's filthy house, I can't take this torture. Every time I talk to my sister, I hope she will care enough to invite me over her house, or pick my up in her car to do something reasonable for someone in my condition, but instead she just tells me I need to see a therapist, and stuff like that. Yesterday she talked to me in a very mean way, reminding me of why I fought so hard to be able to cut her out of my life by becoming successful, but unfortunately I failed, and now I'm dependent on her for food now, when when she has no remorse for how she neglected me, and abused me in the past, and let others do the same. Very surprising she's giving me food, it goes against her diabolical narcistic nature, but I don't know how long it will last, and it's humiliating for me, but I'll starve. I really wish I could easily CBT. I used to have faith but now it's practically gone. Even if I start making a decent income, if I'm not super healed of my condition, I'll still be living a terrible life. I'm hoping if my life can't become worthwhile, I will at least die of natural causes within the next few years. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it makes me not feel totally alone.

I've marveled at the parade of mistakes that is my life. I too always thought it would come together. In my case, I think I did my best, but my circumstances were hopeless and I was never destined to succeed. I don't know how it could have turned out any other way than it did. Some people end up in the beautiful house and some don't...I just ended up in the latter pile. I'm not even resentful; I just wish I could admit defeat and bow out quietly without all the fear and complications involved in suicide.

I can relate...

 

[outrider567]

I hate waking up and I am very tired of it, it is always depressing to realise that I have not passed away in my sleep. I'm sorry that you are suffering so much, I know that it can be awful when everything seems so hopeless. I wish you the best.

Yes, passing away in one's sleep, my constant wish also

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

So sorry.
I messed my life up since grade school as well. When you are young you don't fully, or at all understand the consequences of mistakes made that will screw you over later.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Did anybody recently wake up and realize you've been living a lie?

Deep down I've always known that I've been failing my way through life but have tried to keep it hidden from others and ultimately myself. It seemed absolutely crucial to stay positive assuming certain things would eventually manifest into something solid and enduring.

Recently, with my career crumbling, I ended up pinning all my hopes and dreams on a relationship. But after a couple years, I think she realized I was not the man she was hoping I would be. And so she ended things.

And all at once I realized that I've been fooling myself and others for decades. All of my peers have been building solid lives with careers and families owning their own homes and financial security. While I was pretending everything was going to be OK.

And now every time I wake up from sleep I am struck with terror realizing all the mistakes I've made going back even to grade school. Avoiding responsibility at every turn. Self sabotaging and ruining opportunities. Quitting at the first hint of a setback. Always taking shortcuts.

And now waking up and realizing it's been an entire lifetime following the same pattern. It's too late to change. This is who I am. I have no desire to end my life. But living in utter failure And facing further decline is pointless.

Im just bloviating. But maybe others who feel similar will take comfort in knowing you are not alone.

could be fun to see your friends when the oil wells deplete and the money becomes worthless.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

could be fun to see your friends when the oil wells deplete and the money becomes worthless.

Humanity won't be around that long.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Humanity won't be around that long.

You're right, the wells theoretically won't deplete down to zero totally because the social structures that allow for extraction will fail before the wells deplete

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

could be fun to see your friends when the oil wells deplete and the money becomes worthless.

They will have escaped to their fortified enclaves with private armies and bitcoin… The future will increasingly look like Venezuela

 

[Ineedtodie]

Mornings are the most dreadful parts of my days. The rest of the day i' m desperate to wake up a second time from this nightmare. Each day is the same.

 

[BBBB]

Waking up is a daily disappointment!!! A COMPLETE LIVING HELL!!!!