restingplace
Aspiring corpse
- Mar 7, 2024
- 126
Life currently is just a waiting game, a pretty shit one. I'm not sure when I can ctb, my circumstances at the moment dont really allow for it. I know what method I'll likely do and where, the only question is when. Time is not in my favour.
I'm currently in a sort of situationship with a guy which is unusual for me considering I didn't think I was actually bi until recently. Long story short we had sex, twice now if we can really call it sex. I haven't talked about it here yet but I'm a transgender male so this whole situation is quite unusual for me and not exactly the most comfortable. I'm really close to this guy so its definitely not bad but this is all wag too quick. I feel especially shit because I just broke up with my girlfriend of five years. I'm not over her yet.
I don't know what he would do if I suddenly left one day. He himself isn't in the best headspace mentally and I don't want to fuck things up for him. If I were to ctb it would either be really soon or much later. As for my ex I know she's not doing well either. I came across her alternative twitter account on which she talks about wanting to die a fair bit. I feel responsible for her worsening mental health.
My family and best friends also need me. Literally no one in my life that I'm close to is currently stable. I especially blame myself last April for my SI.
Life feels like it's on slow motion, I haven't been taking my pills, don't have a job, gonna be evicted, not going into education, not going out, not taking care of my hygiene. Yet I still need to stay here so that no one else loses it because of me. I don't see my band going anywhere, or any of my interests.
I'm running out of blades too. No money to buy any and because I'm under surveillance so I don't do anything to myself.
Me and the guy I mentioned earlier have talked about ctb together, I don't want him to go with me. He still has potential and the world would lack another great person like him. I believe he's under the impression that if I were to ctb I would tell him. Good news for me I guess but I don't want to shock him. My gut tells me he doesn't seem to care as much though so my ctb wouldn't have a huge impact on him.
I'm currently in a sort of situationship with a guy which is unusual for me considering I didn't think I was actually bi until recently. Long story short we had sex, twice now if we can really call it sex. I haven't talked about it here yet but I'm a transgender male so this whole situation is quite unusual for me and not exactly the most comfortable. I'm really close to this guy so its definitely not bad but this is all wag too quick. I feel especially shit because I just broke up with my girlfriend of five years. I'm not over her yet.
I don't know what he would do if I suddenly left one day. He himself isn't in the best headspace mentally and I don't want to fuck things up for him. If I were to ctb it would either be really soon or much later. As for my ex I know she's not doing well either. I came across her alternative twitter account on which she talks about wanting to die a fair bit. I feel responsible for her worsening mental health.
My family and best friends also need me. Literally no one in my life that I'm close to is currently stable. I especially blame myself last April for my SI.
Life feels like it's on slow motion, I haven't been taking my pills, don't have a job, gonna be evicted, not going into education, not going out, not taking care of my hygiene. Yet I still need to stay here so that no one else loses it because of me. I don't see my band going anywhere, or any of my interests.
I'm running out of blades too. No money to buy any and because I'm under surveillance so I don't do anything to myself.
Me and the guy I mentioned earlier have talked about ctb together, I don't want him to go with me. He still has potential and the world would lack another great person like him. I believe he's under the impression that if I were to ctb I would tell him. Good news for me I guess but I don't want to shock him. My gut tells me he doesn't seem to care as much though so my ctb wouldn't have a huge impact on him.
