I have been reading in the forum for the past two days. Trying to perfect my preffered method of catcing the bus... but before that I wanted to do a "my story" type post, perhaps later. I am getting drowsy and incoherent. 10 mg Zolpidem, 15 mg oxabenz and 2x25mg quetiapine for the night now just waiting for the sleep-fairy to come and get me. I know it's not nearly enough to kill me, but hey, you never know what good could happen. A slightly thinwalled artery here, a bit of a pressure over there and poof- you can become everything you want, or everything you fear.
I'm using a CPAP machine to blow air in to my lungs because i aparently am not even capable of doing that right by myself - damned sleep apnea. Reaching out for the CPAP mask , all muscles seem rigid. The mask slides on, only covers the nostrils. Puff, hufff...just afew inhale/exhales and the mchine starts by itself. Filling my lungs wuth air (my mind hoping that it was CO). Eyes getting weary. It's getting closer. Hundreds of thoughts flying through my mind: SN, N, night-night, CO, do i have enough medications to calm the thoghts down when time comes?
And all this in the comfort of my own bed, with my wife and son watching a movie in the livingroom.
I've made my decision. It's no longer if but rather when. The letters are dancing before my eyes, writing becomes more diff fic ult.
Them ovie is over - perhaps i can slip out in the living room and get a shot o alcohol... wish me luck ;)
I'm using a CPAP machine to blow air in to my lungs because i aparently am not even capable of doing that right by myself - damned sleep apnea. Reaching out for the CPAP mask , all muscles seem rigid. The mask slides on, only covers the nostrils. Puff, hufff...just afew inhale/exhales and the mchine starts by itself. Filling my lungs wuth air (my mind hoping that it was CO). Eyes getting weary. It's getting closer. Hundreds of thoughts flying through my mind: SN, N, night-night, CO, do i have enough medications to calm the thoghts down when time comes?
And all this in the comfort of my own bed, with my wife and son watching a movie in the livingroom.
I've made my decision. It's no longer if but rather when. The letters are dancing before my eyes, writing becomes more diff fic ult.
Them ovie is over - perhaps i can slip out in the living room and get a shot o alcohol... wish me luck ;)
