Discussion Victims of SA cases, how do you deal with it?

[Horifumada]

I unfortunately have been a victim of 2 separate cases of SA and due to the particular nature of it, I feel I've never recovered, my support has been minimal and I've lost just about all of my will to live. I really don't know why I'm alive anymore. I've been on an emotional roller-coaster these past few days due to this second case. I feel like I've been blamed for it occurring in the first place, but I don't know what I did wrong in the first place as I've never had a good example of a relationship with the opposite gender and such so at home I am more lax and things. It's hard to explain honestly for me.. But really, how am I meant to cope with this and improve my attitude, I feel like I'm stuck in the gutter.

 

[Can’tbearanything]

Hey… not a survivor… but just wanted to say that what happened to you is not at all your fault. So sorry that you have had to deal with something like this. When someone has really hurt you I think it can be helpful to remember that what they did was entirely on them and not about you at all. Nothing you did ever "made" someone else be someone who is willing to hurt or take advantage of someone else to get what they wanted.

I hope you are able to find peace. Sending you lots of care.

 

[offbalance]

I unfortunately have been a victim of 2 separate cases of SA and due to the particular nature of it, I feel I've never recovered, my support has been minimal and I've lost just about all of my will to live. I really don't know why I'm alive anymore. I've been on an emotional roller-coaster these past few days due to this second case. I feel like I've been blamed for it occurring in the first place, but I don't know what I did wrong in the first place as I've never had a good example of a relationship with the opposite gender and such so at home I am more lax and things. It's hard to explain honestly for me.. But really, how am I meant to cope with this and improve my attitude, I feel like I'm stuck in the gutter.

I don't, I get attracted to and into relationships with men who use me and mistreat me and stuff my trauma way, way down where it's unconscious most of the time. Lately I've been gradually engaging with it though without forcing myself and finding a lot of the deep rooted shame I wasn't aware of. It's a very gradual process though, but yeah my advice would be to not force yourself to deal with it, only when it feels natural. I've found trying to force myself has just led to discomfort and more repression, because I think forcing myself triggers those same emotions as the original coercion did, you know… also by no circumstances overshare this trauma. I know I have.

 

[iamanavalanche]

ive been through 6 months of SA and also many other single assaults. i am haunted by these memories every single day as i remember every assault since i was just a kid. sometimes i like to vent it through music or writing just to make things feel a little easier. we're all in this together, friend

 

[KariNya]

I don't think too much about it, but sometimes i feel like it has made hypersexual actually. I don't know if it's a desesperate attempt to reclaim agency in my sexuality or if i feel like sex is the only thing i am useful for. Honestly, i feel broken for many reasons, but sometimes is think at least i can be a sexual object. At least thats something. Because, otherwise, i am just trash. My brain doesn't work properly and i have no true value, a heavy load to everyone i love.

 

[Can’tbearanything]

I unfortunately have been a victim of 2 separate cases of SA and due to the particular nature of it, I feel I've never recovered, my support has been minimal and I've lost just about all of my will to live. I really don't know why I'm alive anymore. I've been on an emotional roller-coaster these past few days due to this second case. I feel like I've been blamed for it occurring in the first place, but I don't know what I did wrong in the first place as I've never had a good example of a relationship with the opposite gender and such so at home I am more lax and things. It's hard to explain honestly for me.. But really, how am I meant to cope with this and improve my attitude, I feel like I'm stuck in the gutter.

Hey there… just another thought for you… as I say I'm not a survivor so I can't speak to direct experience of this… but have been having this thought floating around my head and thought it might be of use to you… hope that it is and that it doesn't cause you more pain…

Like maybe one of the things to try is channelling your energy into things that make you feel happy and fulfilled or that bring you peace… in the short term, but also in the long term - trying to build a life that is satisfying and fulfilling for you, with healthy people around you that treat you with a lot of care and respect.

Maybe it's not possible in the short term to like "make it go away" but in the longer term filling your life with as much light as possible might help you to generally feel better in yourself and find things to focus on so that you're not stuck with your mind just always looping over the same painful memories.

Not easy possibly, but I do feel like I've met survivors before who have gotten themselves into a much better place essentially doing that.

Wishing you all the best