Venting Very poor mental health lately

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Since around Christmas I have gone downhill so much. I feel like I'm in an ongoing tailspin of anxiety, sleeplessness, despair, paranoia, panic etc. It's cyclical and recurring. My brain fog is through the roof and I can't concentrate on the most basic things. But above all, everything feels futile and I'm totally unmotivated for anything the future might have to offer.

I haven't felt this bad since 2015 when I had my mental breakdown. Back then I was put on an SSRI and a benzo combo, which helped a lot. Right now I am only on the SSRI and I am really reluctant to request benzos again as it took me ages to wean off them. Plus I have no health insurance anymore since the premiums went ballistic (I was quoted almost $400/month for the cheapest plan). And so obviously I have no mental health coverage either. I'm trying to hold it together and still maintain a sense of humor but I'm having a very hard time.

It feels hopeless, and I really thought I was done getting these types of setbacks.

Anyone else struggling atm?

 

[barely_afloat]

My meds make it easier for me to deal with anxiety, but I've been struggling to not get into a depressive mode. I'm so busy from morning till night, and I barely get any sleep. if I ever do get time for myself, I don't feel any motivation to do anything. I barely eat, I've been eating the same thing for days.

I've also been paranoid. I know I'm being delusional but I can't control how my body feels. I'm numb and empty but then there'll be random intense emotions that pop up and then disappear. I don't know how I feel about it.

but hey, it is what it is. you said it yourself, it's just a setback. you managed to get better before, and you can do it again

 

[Pluto]