franos666
Depressed
- May 20, 2026
- 62
(I just wanna write this to express my feeling and better understand my thoughts. Sometimes I will write in this thread things that are important for me)
I have serious depression, BDD I think that my father's behavior is largely responsible for my current bad mental health state. He had been a nervous person since I can remember and he was never any support for my problems. He constantly became nervous for any reason and screamed, threaten, offend or argue with me and others. For example he was often calling me and my brothers motherfuckers, vipers, ungrateful or saying that it would be better if he cummed on the wall etc. He often argued with my mum and was telling her that she is dumb, can't think and overall he had tendency to offend others from family, television.
He never hit me but he sometimes behaved aggressively, kicked things and it made me feel afraid of him many times. He was often saying unemphatic and just stupid things, for example that people with depression are "lazy", "deserve it", "upbringing can't make somebody mentally ill". I often had to feel ashamed of him in public because He was nervous and could scream, argue with others random people for some fucking dumb reason and it was kinda traumatic.
Often after he behaved in toxic way towards us he had remorse because of that and he was drinking much alcohol, became mad at himself and next day he could try to act very nicely to my and my brothers by saying that he is proud of us, we are good children etc. but he couldn't accept his mistakes and change his behavior. He couldn't even take the smallest criticism because he would instantly say that you are just trying to destroy him or are ungrateful. As I mentioned, I struggle with low self-esteem. and I think that my father's behavior had to play a big role at this but he can't admit that.
Even when I mention suicidal thoughts in front of him he never says that he is worry about me etc. He is always saying that suicide would make him feel remorseful and drink himself to death
I have serious depression, BDD I think that my father's behavior is largely responsible for my current bad mental health state. He had been a nervous person since I can remember and he was never any support for my problems. He constantly became nervous for any reason and screamed, threaten, offend or argue with me and others. For example he was often calling me and my brothers motherfuckers, vipers, ungrateful or saying that it would be better if he cummed on the wall etc. He often argued with my mum and was telling her that she is dumb, can't think and overall he had tendency to offend others from family, television.
He never hit me but he sometimes behaved aggressively, kicked things and it made me feel afraid of him many times. He was often saying unemphatic and just stupid things, for example that people with depression are "lazy", "deserve it", "upbringing can't make somebody mentally ill". I often had to feel ashamed of him in public because He was nervous and could scream, argue with others random people for some fucking dumb reason and it was kinda traumatic.
Often after he behaved in toxic way towards us he had remorse because of that and he was drinking much alcohol, became mad at himself and next day he could try to act very nicely to my and my brothers by saying that he is proud of us, we are good children etc. but he couldn't accept his mistakes and change his behavior. He couldn't even take the smallest criticism because he would instantly say that you are just trying to destroy him or are ungrateful. As I mentioned, I struggle with low self-esteem. and I think that my father's behavior had to play a big role at this but he can't admit that.
Even when I mention suicidal thoughts in front of him he never says that he is worry about me etc. He is always saying that suicide would make him feel remorseful and drink himself to death
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